I made a pact with myself (figuratively speaking as I have no idea about how to make an actual pact) that I was going to write a post everyday. As soon as I did that both my computers suddenly became screwed up. So instead of writing, I was downloading PC cleaners and letting my imagination run wild about horrific virus infestations writhing around inside of (hey! three prepositions in a row!) my computer’s inner workings. I am happy to report however, after much wringing of hands and writhing of viruses, everything turned out Okey Dokey as they say in the trades. (What trades you ask? How should I know?)
Take Shakespeare for example. (OK, I admit that’s a horrible transition into a new topic, but I’m in a hurry). There’s nothing I like better than a good rhyming poem. Well maybe there are some things I like better, like just about anything, but my point is I don’t like Shakespeare. There, I said it. I can stop pretending now. The truth is I’m too dumb for Shakespeare. I don’t get it. I can’t tell what’s going on. To prove my point, here’s how I would interpret the following and correct me if I’m wrong (just in your mind though as I get my feelings hurt pretty easily).
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
Oh goody Juliet’s up, her light’s on.
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Time to get up!
Who is already sick and pale with grief
Somebody got up on the wrong side of the bed.
That thou, her maid, are more fair than she
Sorry Shakespeare, but I’m pretty sure the moon’s a boy.
Another thing I’m kind of dumb about are gambling concepts like odds and pools. And whenever someone tries to explain it to me they just make it worse. So I just pretend that I completely understand what they’re talking about so they’ll eventually shut up and leave me alone. People who like to figure “odds” and “pools” are smart. People who talk about it are boring.
And since I’m being honest now, I might as well throw in that I don’t know my directions. I know that there is a north, south east and west. I just can’t ever figure out what direction they are in when it comes to where I am. I can tell on a map, but don’t ask me to “head” in any of them when giving me directions. For instance, if you were to tell me to head west on 10th street until I got to Wilson street and then head south, I’d just stay home.
Until next time . . . I love you