More Pottery Barn Razing


Well, look what our beloved Pottery Barn has dreamed up this time?

 Obviously this is a topic that is near and dear to PB’s heart as they so tear-jerkingly expressed in their heartfelt catalog copy:

“Our deep admiration for the honeybee and sympathy for its mysterious plight gave us an idea . . . “

An idea for a new way to make money, that is!

Hence we are presented with Pottery Barn’s “Things That Fly Dinnerware.”

Uh. . . excuse me, PB, but aren’t “things that fly” exactly the kinds of things we are trying to keep OFF our dinnerware?  Well, whatever, we’ll take your word for it . . . for now.

Pottery Barn says the Things That Fly Dinnerware has plates that are “debossed.” Debossed?  Must PB make us look everything up in the dictionary?  Apparently so . . . sigh.

debossed [dē′bȯst] (graphic arts) Having a depressed pattern on the surface of a material.  

Now is this really a good thing Pottery Barn?  I mean, won’t it make your oh so Hoity Toity Honeybee Brunch kind of annoying since you are obviously pushing honey, honey and more honey? I’m sorry to have to be the one to break it to you, but all that honey is just going to pool in the depressions of the debossed “Things That Fly Dinnerware” plates and then it’s going to be a pretty sticky situation from thereon in.

For instance, I see two bottles of honey on the table as it is and there are probably more in the back room where PB has hundreds of hives of honeybees working round the clock every day of the year cranking out honey for Pottery Barn catalog vignettes (mysterious “plight”, my foot!)

Hey bub! I was supposed to get my break an hour ago!

Anyway, so you know there’s going to be heaping helpings of honey on hand. 

But what else is there going to be to eat at this so-called Honey Brunch?  Well, it looks like there will be some really pretty fruit in a dish called Wanda.

Just kidding.  Its official PB catalog name is “Flower Footed Fruit Bowl.”  What a tragically forfeited opportunity for PB when they could have called it a Flower Footed Fruit Bowl with a Floy Floy.   But PB is much too young to know about such references.  In fact, I think I hear Pottery Barn’s Mother calling right now. . . if I’m not mistaken (and I doubt that I am).

Then, of course, there’s going to be a piece of bread lavishly slathered with pomegranate margarine, it looks like anyway,  along with some other types of breads that apparently can’t be trusted to be out on the table without proper confinement.  After all, this Honey Brunch has to have bread so that it can absorb all the honey stuck in the debossed depressions of the “Things That Fly Dinnerware” plates.

John Barleycorn et al

And lastly but not leastly, PB has provided a plethora of choices in which to drown one’s Pottery Barn annoyances with this charming big bucket o’ booze priced at $129. (Booze, ice and fake sunshine not included).

And notice there’s a small bucket too, priced at just $19 for that special someone who prefers drinking alone.  And since the grand total for the “Things That Fly Dinnerware” comes to well over $600 for the silliest reason for a brunch that ever was — that special someone will probably be the host.

Until next time . . . I love you

4 thoughts on “More Pottery Barn Razing

  1. A “things that fly” dinner party!!! What a weird and creepy concept. Once, while eating bowl of cheerios, I got down to about two bites left and found a HUGE housefly in my bowl. I’m sure Pottery barn would feel sorry and awed by my fly’s “plight” and would suggest debossing and decoupaging the fly into the bowl.

    Great post mom! I can never get enough of making fun of Pottery Barn or PB as the hip (and lazy) people call it.

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