Death Be Not Grapefruit, Apparently


It was just a typical morning just like any other. I had my coffee and was looking forward to eating a delicious looking grapefruit. I wasn’t on my guard or anything because I am one of those people who have never considered grapefruit particularly dangerous.

I took just a little bit of the grapefruit and juice in my spoon and was in the process of swallowing it when somehow it got stuck in my throat/air passage way or whatever it is in that area that sometimes gets mixed up about what it’s supposed to do.

Throat: “OK, here comes something . . . now tell me again about which way I push it? Right or left?”

Esophagus: “Why are you asking me? You know I’m dyslexic.”

But this wasn’t any ordinary choke. This was a complete blockage of my air passageway. I could not get a single bit — not even a smidgen of air in. Here are the things that were running through my head:

This is a really stupid way to die, what should I do? Maybe I could run to the neighbors and have them perform the Heimlich on me, no way . . . too embarrassing, I’d rather die. Maybe I could run over to Nikki’s and she could call 911. Gosh, I’d hate to upset her and then I’d probably die en route. And there was that babysitter I heard of that died from choking on soup. What a stupid way to die this is. Everybody’s going to be so upset.

Luckily, I had a lot of air in my lungs to begin with because I was able to really cough with all my might a couple of times. Still though, I couldn’t get any air in. At this point I was panicky. I was running for the door to run outside where someone could maybe help me when I realized I could breathe through my nose. YAY!! Take that Death!

I sat down on the couch. My hands were shaking, my neck muscles hurt from coughing. I thought about how I was still alive and how I could have just as easily been dead. I thought about how one’s safety is merely an illusion. And that anything could happen at any moment and we could be gone in an instant. I thought about how every moment of life is a gift not to be taken for granted ever.

About 15 minutes later I ate the rest of the grapefruit.

Until next time . . .I love you (I really do!)

6 thoughts on “Death Be Not Grapefruit, Apparently

  1. I love you and I’m so glad you’re still alive! DOWN WITH EVIL GRAPEFRUIT! & thanks for somehow making the thought of not being able to breathe funny.

  2. “Take that Death”… and” I’d rather die”…
    so funny …
    our Ego is ever so concerned with how we look to others huh!
    We’d rather die than be embarrassed!
    I’ll probably be on my deathbed saying, “how do I look?”
    I really love you too! Joy

  3. Thank God you didn’t die! Death by fruiting is not only a lame way to die but it’s also something that doesn’t read well on a gravestone. At least you got 15 minutes of deep “meaning of life” pondering out of it! And if you died, I’d be so sad I’d probably commit suicide by cantaloupe.

    Like you’d I’d rather die than have to impose on the neighbors and be embarrassed. I mean if you HAVE to die you might as well do it without making yourself feel even stupider.

  4. This happened to me recently, it was very scary, its the thick white skin that binds the fruit, like you, a total blockage. After the same mental scanniing of potential embarrassing options, I went outside, neighbour took one look at me pointing to my throat and administered Heimlich without hesitation. Out flew the grapefruit. “OMG she said, I never did that before and didn’t think it worked”. Several weeks later, I haven’t dared touch a grapefruit since. When I do, it will be cut into micro dwarf baby size portions with no white skin! ps Youtube how to save yourself choking. Firefighter demonstrates, a flop on floor slam. Looks brutal but maybe better than family deciding on head stones.

    • Oh thank god your neighbor was there! What a horrifying experience. I haven’t eaten a grapefruit since and I doubt I’ll ever eat one again. I just checked out that video. It’s vital info ! Everybody is familiar with the Heimlich Maneuver but more people need to know about how to save themselves. Boy oh boy! I’ll take brutal over headstones any day.

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