Big Screen Delirium Dilemma for Father’s Day

A Big Screen TV for Father’s Day?

I’m thinking my husband, 37, might like a big screen TV for Father’s Day like every other Dad on earth.

Why do men suffer from big screen delirium?  I can’t think of a single woman whose goal  is to get a bigger TV.  Oh sure, we women might not object to getting one.  It might be nice, perhaps, to tag along good-naturedly to Fry’s Home Electronics while our husbands pick out a shiny, new 127-inch TV with HD, 3-D and LMNOP.

It might even be fun to watch our latest Netflix arrival on it. But, all in all, we women can think of a billion better ways to blow a bundle.

Organized Sports

Maybe that’s because big screen TVs were invented solely for the observation of organized sports. And most women don’t watch organized sports, willingly.

Oh sure we might look up from our activities long enough to watch a wiry gymnast attempt a triple Anna Maria Albergetti on the balance beam. Or perhaps we might stare, mesmerized, as an overzealous figure skater spins himself an oil well.  But who needs a big screen for that?

What Do We Have Now?

I asked 37 how big our current screen is.

How many inches is our tv?

Uh, 42?

Really, that big? Wow!

No, wait . . . 27?

Oh, it’s that small?

No, it’s  . . . oh I don’t know.

As you can see, 37 doesn’t seem to care much about having a big screen. That’s because 37 is mature and self-actualized, and 37 is saving all his money for other stuff.  Like lunch.

Besides, 37  only watches three channels anyway.  The Golf Channel, The Science Channel and HGTV (his compromise channel for when we both want to watch).   But still, 37 might want a big screen TV for Father’s day anyway.

Mulling Over the Pros and Cons

The Science Channel

I wonder if 37’s enjoyment of the Science Channel would be enhanced on a big screen?  I am now flipping over to the Science Channel . . .  they are talking about how many people will be dead if another 1906 Earthquake hits San Francisco.

Well, that’s unpleasant.  And since 37 will soon be working in downtown San Francisco five days a week starting in September, he certainly doesn’t want to see something like THAT blown up to fill a big screen.

The Golf Channel

Over at the Golf Channel, it’s business as usual.  Men standing on grass with metal sticks hitting white balls to and fro. 37 can’t get enough of it!

But, it seems to me, if he watched it on a big screen, all he’d be able to see is a big white dimpled background with the word “Titleist” in red letters spinning arse over teakettle and then dropping into a great big hole.  Sounds a little ho hum.


Right now Yard Crashers is on HGTV.  I can’t decide whether Yard Crashers would be more enjoyable to watch on a big screen or not — mainly because I can’t seem to concentrate on anything but the fact that the premise of Yard Crashers is a horrible, horrible nightmare.

The Yard Crashers Nightmare

It’ goes like this.  After doing nothing all day, I decide to change out of my bathrobe, throw on my ugliest outfit and schlep over to Home Depot to buy a six-pack of petunias and some slug bait.

Of course, I’m not wearing any makeup, and my hair is inconsolable.  Suddenly, out from the bushes jumps the HGTV Yard Crashers Team who follow me home to re-do my backyard on national TV!

About the time the Yard Crashers TV Crew starts stepping in the dog poo I haven’t cleaned up for a week, I wake up in a cold sweat.

I think it’s safe to assume that 37 is NOT going to want to see that on ANY sized TV screen!

Hmmm. . . .

I wonder how 37 would feel about a really big tie instead?

Until next time . . . I love you

One thought on “Big Screen Delirium Dilemma for Father’s Day

  1. Your right, Yard crashers sounds more like a very bad and humiliating dream. It reminds me of that English show, Changing Rooms, where they’d deliberately make over your house to look horrific. One couple came home to a black kitchen with a disco ball and some plastic “retro” school desks.

    Tyler loves our big screen. I think it’s bigger than 42″. When we went to go pick it out, I basically got to pick one that wasn’t to thick and would match our coffee table. After than I let him figure out the doo dads and went next door to read books at Barnse N. Noble. Before Tyler, I had a tv that was made to be watched on boats.

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