Revenge of the Phonebots


Thank you for calling. We appreciate your business. This call may be monitored or recorded for quality assurance. Please hold for one of our Quality Assurance Customer Care Representatives.

Our Quality Assurance Customer Care Team

There will be a short survey at the end of this call for quality assurance purposes. There is currently a 2-minute wait for your Quality Assurance Care Representative. In order to properly route your call to better serve you, please enter your account number followed by the pound key.

We’re sorry we didn’t get that. Please enter your account number followed by the pound key.

"Please we're asking you nicely."

A bit of an attitude has been detected in the way you entered your account number followed by the pound key.

We are only asking for your account number for quality assurance purposes so that we may better serve you.

Please, it's for your own good."

For quality assurance purposes, please hold while we transfer you to a short survey about why you had an attitude when entering your account number followed by the pound key.

If you do not wish to take the short survey, please press 1 followed by the pound key.

You will be asked to take a short survey for quality assurance purposes about your pressing 1 just now.

If you didn’t want to take the short survey, you should have said so sooner. We have already wasted precious minutes that could have been used in pursuit of quality assurance so that we may better serve you.

"We are just trying to do our quality assurance duties."

We must insist that you press 0 followed by the pound key immediately.

Our systems have detected a serious problem with the way you pressed 0 followed by the pound key.

Perhaps this would be a good time to remind you that this call is being monitored AND recorded. Hold for a supervisor.

"Just. Want. To. Better. Serve. You."

There is currently a 2-minute wait for a supervisor. While you are holding for a supervisor, you will be asked to take a short survey about your 2 minutes on hold which you will take if you know what’s good for you for quality assurance purposes.

We are currently experiencing a large volume of swearing on your part.

"Quality Assurance Care Specialists are not amused."

 

Please keep in mind that the short survey we are asking you to take is designed to better serve you and in return we are receiving a higher than normal volume of attitude.

Since you insist on pushing all the keys on your phone at once, it has become clear that you will be requiring a visit to the address listed on your billing statement from our Quality Assurance Customer Care Specialist, Paulie.

"You're gonna like me, I'm a goodfella."

Rest assured that we are absolutely certain you will be filling out a short survey about your visit from Paulie for quality assurance purposes in order to better serve you once you have regained feeling in your arms.

Thank you for calling. You may hang up now

Until next time . . . I love you

6 thoughts on “Revenge of the Phonebots

  1. I love this post! I hate anything that in which they tell you they are doing something for “quality assurance” which really means “we are just going to piss you off”

Please leave a comment. I need help finishing my sentences.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s