You don’t get why you can’t order Panda at Panda Express.
You often sink into a depression over having just the one head.
Oh sure you’re a cat lover, but only because they drink their milk out of s a u c e r s .
While everybody else is drinking Margaritas, you’re drinking Margarita.
When you introduce yourself to others, you feel compelled to add that you’re “just your typical human being.”
You can’t believe you went so long never realizing how superfluous pupils were.
When nobody’s looking you turn into a writhing platter of arroz con pollo.
You’re worried about how much longer you’ll get away with passing off the suction cup on forehead as a high-definition tattoo.
You’ve got your own way of describing the face on Mars: MOMMY!
And the number one way to tell if your body has been taken over by an alien?
Your blood sugar plummets if you go too long without eating a puppy.
Until next time . . . I love you