In 1956 Betty Crocker Cookbooks not only cared deeply about 1956 Mom’s cooking; they cared deeply about her life. As proof, here’s some hints from the “Special Helps” section.
Let’s start with this little gem of a helpful hint:
Apparently in 1956, it was perfectly acceptable for Mom to lie down on the kitchen floor to relax and/or fall asleep for as long as 3 to 5 minutes without anyone thinking she was completely out of her gourd.
It’s not clear if this odd form of “relaxation” was reserved only for the kitchen floor or if one might come across 1956 Mom relaxing on, say, the floor of the Post Office or while waiting in line at the bank.
But a wise 1956 Mom would have kept this handy little tip bookmarked should she ever need to explain to dinner guests why they found her lying down on the kitchen floor after sampling, god forbid, one too many Brandy Alexanders.
1956 Mom gets all her thoughts from Betty Crocker!
Not only does Betty Crocker want 1956 Mom to harbor pleasant thoughts while scrubbing the kitchen floor so clean she’ll be able to lie down on it for 3 to 5 minutes, she is even giving 1956 Mom some suggestions about what these thoughts might be.
Such as relaxing on a tropical island for instance. Or dancing one-legged with a guy whose center of gravity is somewhere around his knees.
Or maybe 1956 Mom could distract herself from her work by thinking about a sailboat with a dangerous starboard list that perhaps the guy with the low center of gravity just happens to be sailing on.
But chances are what 1956 Mom thought was the pleasantest of all these suggestions was thinking about her husband holding her golf bag waist-high for her while she leisurely takes thousands and thousands and thousands of practice swings.
If only 1956 Mom could find a kitten in a tree . . . it would be hilarious!
This tip is a little more tricky, however. Betty Crocker is only suggesting 1956 Mom find a kitten in a tree so that 1956 Mom will have something – anything to talk about – besides relaxing on the kitchen floor and thinking about cookbook-suggested topics.
This is just a suggestion because searching for a kitten could be dangerous to 1956 Mom’s health. Obviously, it took 1956 Mom hours and hours of uninterrupted hiking to happen upon a kitten in a tree.
Which means by the time 1956 Mom found the kitten in the tree, she was horribly emaciated and her waist had dwindled from its normal circumference of 7 inches to a measly 5 and 3/4 inches.
Of course, maybe it was well worth it because, in the end, 1956 Mom did have a wonderful story in her brain about finding a kitten in a tree to tell to her family at dinnertime and — when the time was right — she managed to tell her story with good humor and aplomb.
It was a story that her family would have found uproariously funny too had they not already left the room.
Until next time . . . I love you