Strange and Eerie Unexplained Jello Phenomenon


I was just wandering around in reality as I used to know it, hanging out at my favorite thrift store and going about my life as though the laws of physics still applied, when suddenly I came across this little know pamphlet depicting in great detail, the forbidden knowledge of the strange and eerie Unexplained Jello Phenomenon.

Gulp!

Oh sure, on the surface this little cookbook looks perfectly harmless:

Cookbook for Jello

Joys of Jello? Well that’s what they would LIKE us to think anyway.

And I’m sure innocent 1950’s moms bought it because they wanted to whip up a big ol’ batch of innocent Jello for their big ol’ innocent 1950’s families.

But lurking inside these mild-mannered pages are mysteries so unexplainable, so counterintuitive, so very very hard to explain that it just isn’t explainable no matter how many thesaurus’ a person owns (btw, I only own one thesaurus — as you may have guessed already).

Anyway, getting back to the strange and eerie Unexplained Jello Phonomenon. Let’s start with Exhibit A, shall we?

Obviously the government or something eerily government-like wants us to believe this is Jello.

Please!  It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this is actually a bona-fide real-life UFO that is obviously utilizing the thrust from an ion antimatter, strawberry propulsion system so that it can zip around planet earth causing havoc all OVER the place . . . hello

And if that isn’t enough to convince you that the laws of physics as we know them are totally bogus, may I present, as further evidence,  Exhibit B:

Jello? Are you kidding? Do I really look that naive?

I hate to be the one to have to break it to you, but this seemingly ordinary Jello Upside Down Cake, isn’t fooling anybody (except for maybe you, sorry).  

For  this, Dear Reader, is actually a crop circle.  A crop circle depicting the most beautiful and profound mathematical equation in the history of arithmetic, or failing that, in the history of Upside Down Cake.

As a matter of fact, this crop circle calculates the exact date the world will end while, at the same time, managing to make your mouth water.  And if that’s not proof of cool, other-worldly intervention, I don’t know what is. 

 And now for the final proof.  May I present: Exhibit C.  An exhibit, I might add, that puts the ex in hibit like nobody’s business.  See for yourself:

Can this get any more self-explanatory?

This strange and eerie Unexplained Jello Phenomenon is so blatantly obvious, so glaringly conspicuous, so flagrantly in your face, that I absolutely refuse to  insult your intelligence by explaining it. 

Besides I only own one thesaurus.

Until next time . . . I love you

 

22 thoughts on “Strange and Eerie Unexplained Jello Phenomenon

  1. Great post! My mother used to make a green thing with shredded celery in it. It was sweet and crunchy and would get stuck between your teeth. Yes, jello that got stuck between your teeth …

    And she’d use those copper fish molds that folks used to hang as “functional decorations” in their kitchens. Egads.

    But, do you remember the Jello things that would magically separate into three layers? As a child, I found them to be quite fascinating. As an adult, I fear I may have been the subject of a bizarre experiment when I was young.

    • You were quite an adventurous little girl indeed. You ate Jello with shredded celery in it! I’m not sure how I feel about Jello that gets stuck between your teeth. That’s one of those things that you have to ease into, get used to gradually. And I always wondered how they got Jello to separate into three layers. So apparently it’s magic . . . or maybe advanced technology. . .

  2. Picture number three really IS self explanatory. I’ve explained it to myself all morning. At first I thought it was one of those paintings in which there is a hidden picture inside the obvious picture. Like the young woman with the old woman inside her. But upon further reflection, I have come to the conclusion that this is merely an ink blot test of Jello proportions.

    I truly love your 50’s book decor/cooking posts. I wonder if some day, someone named Linbot Vermun will be writing blog posts about today’s culture. I hope so.

    • Hahaha! Linbot Vermun will be my brain, Peanuts, in a jar with Abby Normal scribbled underneath. I think I see a red whale but if you blur your eyes it looks like an old woman.

  3. i want some jello now… but just the straightforward kind with whipped cream, done of these odd-pastel colored abominations

    mmmm gelatin aka tiny particles of pig/cow bones :D I love when i see vegans & vegetarians eating jell-o all naive about their actions. I giggle. men can giggle. it’s perfectly fine.

    • So it’s pig/cow particles that account for the slightly nauseating thing you can’t really put your finger on when eating Jello is. That’s almost as awkward as that last sentence!

  4. I just like to watch it wiggle and jiggle. Do you thing our alien overlords are using it to plant suggestions in my brain?
    Also, make some jello. Then take it out of the fridge.
    It won’t melt.
    Proof that it is an alien creation.

    • Yes I think that is exactly their masterplan for mankind. They are definitely destracting us with the wiggle and the jiggle. Have you ever asked yourself why there is ALWAYS room for Jello? And I, personally, have never known anyone who actually liked it, we just eat it, no questions asked. Must. eat. Jello. with. or. without. shredded. celery.

  5. Why did people have to go and ruin Jell-O by putting pieces of disgusting fruit in it? I like my Jell-O like I like my entire life – plain and boring.

    On another note, you may want to go into hiding now that you’ve exposed highly classified information about the alien strawberry propulsion system.

    • Oh come on Rob! You have to have a favorite flavor at least. I don’t think they make plain Jello. And I’m really not worreid about going into hiding for revealing the alien strawberry propulsion system because I already spend practically 24/7 under the bed anyway just out of sheer habit left over from when my kids were teenagers.

  6. YAY!! I love jello but never understood those weird molds and the odd additions like – pineapple. I mean I like pineapple too but not in some weird ass shaped jello thingy ma jig – of which I feel clearer about because you didn’t explain it so well :-) I am LOL OL and LLLLLLL (hat;s like laughing a lot just to explain kinda ) Love it!!! Im gonna go make some jello in a bowl… :-) CHeers!!!

    • LIZZIE! I missed you! So glad to see you back!! YAY! And I think we should write to congress to get the phrase “jello mold” changed officially to “Weird Ass Shaped Jello Thing Ma Jig” Ha ha ha!

  7. This must have come from a time when ‘house wifes’ had way too much time on their hands and a real need to be creative with !food!. How artistic…. or not. I still shudder when I hear someone say they want to bring their jello dish to the pot luck. I think I’ll pass. But I did like it when I was young and would put anything in my mouth…. and not gain weight. Enjoy T

    • I feel the same way. I don’t know why but if I see a jello “salad” at a potluck it seems like it’s going to be Jello plus germs. Yes I remember those carefree days of childhood when we automatically would quit eating when we were full. What happened to that?

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