Explaining My Husband, 37

I just did the math.  I’ve been married to my husband now for 84 years.  Ok, I admit, I’ve never pretended to be very good at math, well, in all honesty, I have pretended; but it never did me any good.

Now where was I?  Ah yes, my husband of 84 years. 

Actually now that I recalculate I find that we have only been married 37 years. (Which is why I always call him 37. It just saves time.).  Anyway, in all those 37 years,  it occurs to me I’ve never really attempted to describe him (except that time to the police).

Here’s my beloved 37 explaining something.

I suppose the most dominant trait about my husband is that he is an engineer.

This means that if he is asked a simple question about, say, fractions, his eyes will light up like a super nova, and he will begin to answer your question by going back to the days of Pythagoras, and then work his way up the timeline of  history’s great moments in math one by one.

He’ll often get so involved  in his explanation that he will fail to notice that the person who posed the question (me) ducked out to go to the grocery store right after Sir Isaac Newton was elected Lucasian Professor of Mathematics in 1669 and popped back in just before Einstein figured out E = MC 2.

The only way you can tell when he’s done talking is when he says, “What was the question again?”

Sir Issac Newton

Engineers are trained to analyze the efficacy of systems as they pertain to the outcome desired.

This means they will give you a million reasons why something won’t work and none why something will.

That’s why, if I want something done around the house in this lifetime, I simply pretend that I am going to attempt the project on my own.

Believe me, if you want to get the attention of an engineer quickly, simply put a big role of duck tape under your arm and ask him if he’s seen the tape measure.  If that doesn’t get him away from his spreadsheet nothing will.

Another thing about engineers is that they are definitely not clothes horses (or even clothes goats).

“And there’s even a place for my pocket protector!”

That’s why, if you were to peek inside an engineer’s closet it would not be unusual to see his 1967-issued, navy uniform (engineers never clean out their closets) right next to his work shirts — all four of them — two of which he considers brand new because he thinks he bought them four years ago when it was really seven.

And the only difference between his good pair of  jeans and his bad pair of jeans is that the bad ones have holes that show and the good ones have holes that don’t.

But I would have to admit that being married to my husband, the engineer, has had its advantages.

First of all, if I need an accurate measurement, I know my husband will come through with flying colors.

Secondly, I’ve learned that pretty much everything that exists in the universe, real or imagined, has a scientific explanation.

And finally, and most importantly, not only can I count on my husband through thick and thin; but also, I can count on him to calculate just exactly how thick and just exactly how thin right down to the nearest millimeter.

Until next time. . . I love  you

24 thoughts on “Explaining My Husband, 37

  1. I remember when 37 decided he was going to hang up new curtains. We all watched as he spent about 7 hours laying out every tool he owned and measuring everything there was to measure in the house before deciding he bought the wrong kind of curtain rod. I was exhausted for him!

  2. My dad is an engineer, so Yes to everything you wrote. All true.
    Sadly, I’ve picked up a lot of that behavior.
    On the other hand, some of it must have penetrated (well, at least the stuff before Newton’s Professorship and after e=mc2).
    Great fun post!

    • Ha ha! Yes you’ve got that right. I’ve known a few to go into “vapor lock” trying to translate something in a way that I can understand it. What an interesting line of work. That seems like it would generate enough material for a whole blog!

  3. You do know that the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory is not on the Science Channel, don’t you?? Even I know that and I hardly even turn on my TV. Sound like you are well on your way to HEA (happily ever after). Enjoy (37) always, T

    • LOL! You mean it’s a sitcom? Who knew? That is so funny! Now you know how truly out of it I am Tricia! As an example of how old fashioned my viewing habits are, I’m watching an old Columbo episode right now!

  4. OMG OMG I’ve got one of those too! Exactly the same characteristics right down to the 4 work shirts plus he’s got underpants he’s had since before we were married 14 years ago, which no longer have any elastic in them to keep them up but they’re STILL PERFECTLY GOOD (sorry if that was too much information). Mine’s the Scottish version – comes with his own kilt and annoying money-hoarding habit. 37 must have been cloned – should I be worried??

    • OMG is right! I think you’re husband and my husband were somehow separated at birth during some sort space time continuum mashup! Yes! 37 only threw out his navy uniform from 1968 about 10 years ago (or less) and I think the only reason he threw it out is because I threw it out when he wasn’t looking. And “still perfectly good” is exactly the same words he uses to describe his clothes! And he definitely doesn’t like to spend money on his clothes. Which leaves more money for me to spend on MY clothes so it works out rather nicely. You’ve nothing to worry about Grace, (much)!

  5. Ha! That’s an engineer alright. I’m sure my wife can sympathize with you, although since I’m a physicist my idiosyncrasies don’t even pertain to anything practical

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