This week’s writing challenge is to write a story not less than 33 words and not more than 333 words incorporating the 3rd definition of the word “clean”.
clean (adjective)
1: free from dirt or pollution 2: unadulterated, pure 3 a : free from moral corruption or sinister connections of any kind <a candidate with a clean record>
Sven and the Smorgasbord
“Oh how I hate scrubbing rutabaga stains out of white, shag carpet!” Brigitte shouted to Astrid, even though Astrid was only a foot away blotting at a big purple stain with a wad of paper towels.
“Tell me about it!” Astrid shouted back. “I’ve been trying to blot up this Blåbärssoppa for the last hour and a half.
“Oh, Astrid, I just wish your husband, Sven–”
“What about Sven?” Astrid sprinkled more baking soda over the purple stain without taking her eyes off Brigitte. “Surely you’re not blaming Sven for this!”
“Well . . . he’s the one that –”
“He’s the one that what?”
“Tipped over the entire Smorgasbord! For godsakes, Astrid! The man’s a human hurricane!”
“How dare you say such a thing about my Sven, Brigitte Smorganborganson! When you know he was born with a congenital coordination problem!”
“I just call ‘em like I sees ‘em, Astrid!” Brigitte picked up a bottle of Lysol and poured it over the rutabaga stain.
“Well, if you didn’t have this stupid long, shag, carpet, Brigitte, maybe Sven’s feet wouldn’t have gotten tangled up and–”
What are you implying? Are you implying that you don’t like my carpeting, Astrid Borgenjorgenson?”
Astrid looked up from her blotting. “I’m saying, Brigitte, that I don’t like your carpeting anymore than I like you!” Then Astrid picked up the box of baking soda and threw it in Brigitte’s long blonde hair.
Brigitte responded by grabbing the Lysol bottle and squirting its entire contents all over the front of Astrid’s smock.
Astrid screamed and hurled a wad of wet paper towels at Brigitte causing Brigitte to retaliate by slapping Astrid across the face with her wet sponge.
Just then, Sven entered the room. “What is going on with you two?”
We’re having a fight, what do you think? Brigitte yelled.
“Well at least it’s a clean fight!” Sven observed wryly just seconds before he got his foot tangled in the shag carpet and tumbled out of the room.
******
In the words of Ron, Hermione, and Harry, brilliant! Perfect ending… sorry, the other contestants may now go home… you win…
You can tell ‘em I said so….
Ha ha! thanks Ned.
I hope that means I have your permission to cut and paste this comment all over the enire world wide web!!
But of course…. I don’t think it’s legally binding or anything, so, feel free…. besides, I wunta sed it if’n Ah dint main it! (that’s a panhandle of Texas native’s accent, if you wondered… just slow down your tongue and brain to translate….)
“Yeah Ya’ll Right on.” Ok, I don’t think I’m doing the Panhandle of Texas’s native accent right. But the slowed down brain part I’m pretty sure I’ve got down pat!
What a plethora of quips and names that roll off the tongue! I love it!
This post makes me want to clean my house. Just last night I spilled chocolate sauce on my carpet and blamed it on Tyler (he was running away from me while I pretended to be a zombie) who knocked over amug of chocolate. Now that I think of it 30 year old adults probably shouldn’t do that (play zombies).
I think pretending to be a zombie is a very good way to train Tyler not to spill anything on the rug — let alone chocolate sauce. Because if you’re colorblind, chocolate sauce looks just like blood. And what if somebody came over who was colorblind and they thought you were a Zombie and that you were drinking your previous guest’s blood (or Tyler’s). Wait a minute . . . do Zombies drink blood?
hahaha! I like that Brigitte is able to switch to American colloquialisms with ease, “I just call ‘em like I sees ‘em, Astrid.”
I’m loving all the rich detail, the white shag carpet, which I would expect all Swedes to have in their homes, at least members of Abba, and the Blabarssoppa, which I honestly had to look up on google. You left no Swedish stone unturned! You’ve easily retained your title as Queen of Comedy with this sampling. Well done!
Oh thanks so much Lisa! You’re kind words are going to make my head as big as a giant sized Swedish Meatball. And I agree that Abba would definitely is into white shag carpeting. I think every song they sing is about carpeting if I’m not mistaken — either that or Blabarssoppa!
Thank you, that is the first time I’ve been Blåbärssoppa’d.
I don’t think it was the rutabaga juice or Svens feet that were upsetting them. I think each was trying to get kicked out before the other forced her to tackle the herring puddle.
Well you see the herring puddle will be daintly licked up by Sven’s kitten, Signilda. She’s 47 tuuma’s long and weighs 4 luoti so she’ll have no trouble licking that herring puddle clean in no time.
I have to ask – do you speak Swedish, or are you one of maybe 17 people on earth that would google all the translations?
(I know about 9 of the others)
Uh . . . you think only 17 people on earth. That would make me kind of weird and pathetic would it not? . . . .Uh let’s just say I speak Swedish . . . uh . . yeah, let’s go with that. I speak fluent Swedish!
not pathetic- special…geez… clever and …brilliant!!! yeah that;s what we..I mean they and you are… don;t sell yourself short girlfriend! zip to the z and fo sho!! ( if that doesn;t Google translate – ask Lauren)
um.. I meant z formation..thingy that one thing ya know ?
I think I might have to google that! LOL
Haha! Special. I like that. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ with it. — Zip to the Z fo sho! That’s also my story and I’m stickin’ with it!
Hi,
That was fantastic, I loved it, and had a good laugh at the end. Well done.
Oh thanks Mags! Glad you enjoyed!
Don’t tell me shag carpet is making a come back; where’s my lawn mower?
That was fun.
Better get out your lawn mower! Ha! Yes they are making a comeback — my daughter has one but it’s an area rug so it’s not that bad. If a smorgasbord gets spilled on it she can just roll it up and throw it out– much more sensible, don’t you think?
born with a congenital coordination problem
hahahahahahahaha
love this
Thanks Barbara so glad you liked it!
wait for it,…. wait…. yes a clean fight. Who knew? And Rutabaga stains, say it isn’t so. Enjoy always, T
Haha! So glad it’s only fiction!!
Fun story! At least the fight was clean, since the carpet wasn’t.
Haha! I figured something had to be clean — you know, to balance things out!
Oh great. Blåbärssoppa? Now I’m hungrier than I was when I first got here. (Can you tell I didn’t wikilook this?)
Great fun, this post, and clean too.
Thanks Karen! And thanks for coming by!
You do have a way with humor. Thanks for the laugh. The ending was marvelous!
Thank you Sandra!
Hm… since Brigitte “shagged” her husband, I’m not sure the ending was all that clean. : P
You know you’re right! You found the loophole in this story!
Love it – such a quirky story
I like the way the women used each others’ full names to show anger – I could really hear the conversation taking place, glares exchanged, hands on hips and outrage. It’s hard not to blame sven – not when beet stains are all but impossible to get out of anything
Thanks Lexy. I’m so glad you could see it. It was just one of those story situations that kind of came alive on it own! Thanks for coming by!
and now for my real comment on the content – the above was just butting in….. äftigt som alltid och du klippa och jag älskar det! Rengöra bekämpa lol … Bakpulver och Lysol och tvättsvampar … riktigt bra
OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
Am I going to have to break out “My pencil is green” in 4 languages to keep up with you people?
I’d say yes, but I don’t think there is any such thing as a green pencil. Not on THIS planet anyway . . . I know I’ve never seen one . . . but then I hail from planet earth . . .
Ok, now I know you’re making stuff up!
ummm yes?
*sigh*
I can’t be blamed for what happens next.
mi lápiz es verde – Spanish
mon crayon est vert – French
my pencil is green – English (What?)
Ha-eeparon shellie yarowk (Transliteration of Hebrew)
Remember – I was forced into this!
You CAN do that….wow… i am in awe… mi lapiz es rojo… etc etc… is it green lead or green outside ? just wondering…
Just green on the outside.
Hey, they were only introductory classes.
Hahaha! Ok, I give up. I cannot figure out what that says! LOL. State of Michigan is the only thing that comes up when I try to translate it!
it says…loosely translated because I am going by memory…. you are awesome and something about how clever you are using lysol and baking soda and sponges for a clean fight and …. ummmm. you ROCK! ?? oh and I love it was in there too… and LOL
Ha! Wow it said all that! That’s totally awesome, way better than “something about th estae of Michigan!” That’s the best comment EVER! YAY! Smorganborgen! As they say in Sweden. (maybe)
I got such a kick out of this. The rutabega stains. The catfight. The proprioceptively dysfunctional husband. Oh well done.
Oh thank you so much Jesterqueen!
Gald you liked it!
Thanks for linking up to Trifecta this week. What a hilarious response. There’s so much to enjoy in this vignette. I’m glad you came on board Trifecta. I look forward to your posts each week. Hope to see you back on Friday for the weekend prompt.
Thank you for your inspiring comment!!
I really do enjoy them and I always look forward to the new challenges you’re always thinking up!! It’s loads of fun!