I think this might be a good time to confess that it isn’t all fun and games over here on Linda Vernon Humor. No indeed not. There’s a darkside that sometimes has to rear its ugly head.
And for that, I would like to extend my gratitude to my wonderful Cyber Daughter Lizzie Cracked But Not Broken over at Runningnakedwithscissors for coming up with the perfect name for my mean streak:
Roast in a Nutshell . . . The Darker Side of Peanuts!
Today’s Darkside Topic is:
Things Darkside Peanuts Should Be Allowed To Do Without Any Consequences
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to bring a yappy dog to the grocery store to bite at the heels of people who are blocking the isles Peanuts needs to go down.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to make a citizen’s arrest on fast food clerks who fill sodas so full they spill all over the place when the straw is inserted.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to give wedgies to people who pretend they don’t see Peanuts and cut in front of Peanuts in line.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to yank the trendy ponytails of superior acting girls who work at Starbucks for any reason whatsoever.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to put a flaming bag of poo on the doorstep of dismissive customer service representatives.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to put duct tape over the mouths of self-involved people who don’t seem to understand the phrase “Hi, how are you?” is rhetorical.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to grab the face of people who look around the room while Peanuts is talking and point it back at Peanuts.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to thumb Peanut’s nose at snooty clerks that don’t bother to ask Peanuts if Peanuts needs help when Peanuts is looking around swanky, expensive home décor stores even though they were right to assume Peanuts doesn’t need any help.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to slap the face of Sean Penn for any reason whatsoever.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to hang up on people who call Peanuts and talk to Peanuts about themselves for 45 minutes but when Peanuts starts talking they have to go.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to pinch fakey people who Peanuts has only known for five minutes but insist on getting a hug from Peanuts before they go.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to punch people who are out walking their dog and answer in the voice of their dog when Peanuts asks them a question about their dog.
Phew! Ah! Peanuts feels much better now that Peanuts has gotten that off Peanut’s shell!
Until next time . . . I love you