I went to the driving range with my husband, 37, to hit a bucket of balls. As we were setting up, I noticed all my balls were wet.
“Does it make a difference if your balls are wet?” I asked 37.
“Your balls, does it matter if they’re wet. Is that going to make any difference?”
“Well I suppose if you were a professional golfer, it might make a difference because there would be less spin on the ball.”
“Oh, then wet balls are a good thing?”
“No because you don’t have as much control on the ball as you would if you put spin on it.”
Then does that mean you’re going to wait for your balls to dry?”
“Well that’s because you’re a good golfer. Wet balls . . . dry balls — it just doesn’t matter. You’re so lucky!”
We began hitting our balls. 37′s balls were long and lean. Mine were short and fat.
“Ouch!” I said. my middle toe is cramping up on my follow through.”
37 stroked his chin and rolled his eyes up trying to access what Golf Coach,Hank Haney, of the Golf Channel might advise.
Then he asked in all seriousness, “Which middle toe? The one right next to the big toe or the one next to that one?”
“The one that ate roast beef.”
37 went into suspended animation trying to access his memory for a golf channel tip about what you should do when the Little Piggie That Ate Roast Beef cramps on the follow through.
“Well I think you should try tightening up your abdominals. That ought to fix it.”
So I did what 37 said and tightened up my abdominals and hit the ball long and straight.
“Hey look at that, it worked!”
“YAY!” I said. I didn’t have the heart to tell him my balls had completely dried.