The Archaeology Gazette – Breaking News About What Happened A Long Time Ago!


Today’s Top Stories in Archaeology:

15,000-Year-Old Fishing Village Discovered

On the count of three, a team of French Archaeologists unearthed a 15,000-year-old fishing village off the coast of Nip, Antarctica, suggesting that early Neolithic fishermen fishing off the coast of Nip were just as cold then as they are now.

The discovery was made by Jacques Pierre Jacques, a leading French Archaeologist who has been carefully sifting through snow looking for telltale signs of a 15,000-year-old fishing village for the last 27 years. 

Last week, his dedication was rewarded when he came across several 15,000-year-old snowballs, and what appeared to be several fishing poles crudely fashioned out of 15,000-year-old snow. 

Further excavation revealed an entire village of snow huts containing snow furniture, snow utensils and even primitive, beaded jewelry made entirely of snow.

Pictured: a 15,000-year-old fishing pole and primitive necklace made entirely of snow

The team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists will be returning to Yoplait, France with their findings where they will be performing further tests on the 15,000-year-old, snow artifacts using the latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging.  The entire team is working together to keep their fingers crossed to ensure the snow does not melt.

Was the Ice Man Coming or Going?

I think he was on his way home . . .

A Team of French Archeologists have begun a 42-year study of Otzi, the ice man who was discovered under an extremely large pile of snow in the Alps in 1991, and who, prior to that, had been missing for approximately 6,000 years.  

Experts believe that Otzi was from a nearby Neolithic farming village where a rock was recently discovered with 6,000-year-old carvings scrawled onto it.

A team of highly-paid, French Neolithic Scrawl Experts were called  to the scene and after 17 years of research – they were finally able to translate the scrawls as:  a quart of ibex milk, a pound of yak butter and a dozen eggs from any animal that happens to be laying them. 

Using the latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging, the team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists are hoping that it will take 42 years to determine whether the 6,000 year old ice man was just leaving for the store or was just coming home from the store.

No wait a minute . . . maybe he was just leaving . . .

 

Tooth Marks Thought to Be Those of Leonardo Di Vinci

A Team of French Archaeologists have been debating whether the tooth marks embedded in a 500-year-old chocolate chip cookie found underneath a cushion of an authentic Louis the XIV sofa  (currently belonging to  Jacques Pierre Jacques) are indeed those of Leonardo Di Vinci or those of Jacques Pierre Jacques’s brother-in-law, Pierre Jacques Pierre,  who was visiting last week and complained of hunger pangs.

“Well they could be Leonardo’s teeth marks because Leonardo didn’t like nuts and there are no nuts visible . . .

Using the very latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging the team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists are hoping to have the answer before the end of the  next century. 

Until next time  . . . I love you

26 thoughts on “The Archaeology Gazette – Breaking News About What Happened A Long Time Ago!

  1. Ah, the French are so good at snow jobs. Love it and laughed all the way to the “until next time.” All joy (which is much better). HF

  2. PS: I just noticed the cookie looks like PacMan. A cookie eating cookies–now that’s funny!
    PSS: That is too small a bite for Leonardo. He was quite the big mouth, you know. That might be the bite of Marcel Marceau.

    • Haha! YES! You are have an eagle eye Harper! And you’re right that’s definitely a bite that would match Marcel Marceau. And wasn’t he famous for eating Pac-man cookies that eat cookies? I think so . . . :D

  3. OMG!!! This was hysterical!!! The 15,000 year old fishing village and artifacts made of snow killed me. The picture of the fishing pole and beaded necklace — too funny! I also liked the translation of the scrawls! haha! Wouldn’t it be funny if, after you start doing ancestry.com, you come to find out that this nice looking young man in the photo is one of your people? haha! Maybe your ancestors are from Yoplait, France! haha!

    • OMG Lisa! I can’t wait to do Ancestry.com. And I bet I could be related to the ice man. Anytime I’ve ever hailed a cab I’ve made that exact arm movement! LOL! I think I’ll probably find out from Ancestry.com that we are related!! That’s what I think! So that means you would be related to the ice man too! Our long lost brother from Yoplait France! Ok, very very very older brother! Hahaha! :D

  4. Highly paid French Archeologists are hoping to get paid for another 42 years. This isn’t a scam, now is it? Naanh, couldn’t be. Must be 100 percent real. Until next time… I love you too. T

    • Ah! Thanks Tricia! :D A scam eh? Well no wonder they won’t let anybody near the poor guy — he’s probably made out of plastic! Hey that might make a good story Tricia! And you’re just the person to write it! :)

  5. Hi,
    Wow, I loved the post, that was one great read, I am still laughing. :D
    But I have to say that photo of the 15,000 year old fishing pole and necklace is just amazing, i am still trying to work out how these items were used. :lol:

  6. You know, the more I contemplate this Ice Man, I think we have a classic case of “honey, I’m off to the market for ibex milk” gone horribly wrong.

    Let this be a strong message to any man out there considering leaving his wife and kids with the ol’ trip to the market routine. Like the Ice Man, you sir will die a horrible, frozen death, only to be discovered a gazillion years later by some insensitive French jerks.

  7. Hahaha! Eric! I hope you don’t mind if I send your comment to the Natgeo Channel so they can use it to end every single Ice Man Special they produce (every other week) with it! I think it might possibly bring down the divorce rate by a lot!

  8. I’m in the wrong line of work. Need to get me one of those highly paid French Archeologist gigs.
    And snow pants.
    And gloves.
    And…
    Do they do any digs in the tropics?

  9. I would say Otzi was definitely on his way to the store.

    No man ever gets what his wife sent him to get. He loses the list on the way to the store, and then buys stuff that wasn’t even close to what was on the list.

    If he still had the list, he was on the way.

    I checked with 37 on this, and he agrees with me… : P

  10. Mark are you an attorney? Because Perry Mason could have really used you deducting capabilities! Wait a minute .. . you checked with 37? And he agrees with you? This is a conspiracy! Otzi and I are running away together. Don’t try to come after us. We are not REPEAT are not at 7/11 buying ibex milk so don’t even bother to look! :D

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