Pottery Barn FAQ’s


This is NOT your ordinary wicker chair.  It’s a Pottery Barn chair! Which can only mean one thing:  this chair was made entirely of sea grass . . . SUSTAINABLE sea grass! 

Naturally everybody and their dog wants to know how Pottery Barn makes a chair out of sustainable sea grass.  How? how? how? everybody asks!  Woof? Woof? Woof?  asks everybody’s dogs.

And so, here’s some Pottery Barn Sustainable Sea Grass FAQ’s:

What does Pottery Barn mean by seagrass?

Pottery Barn knew you wouldn’t know that.  Like most Americans, you have probably never spent much time, if any, walking around on the bottom of the ocean like Pottery Barn has.  But if you did, you would find that on the bottom of every ocean is a gigantic lawn where sea creatures of all shapes and sizes bring their families to relax, play croquet and run three-tentacled races.

What does Pottery Barn mean by sustainable?

You don’t get out much do you?  After paying out beaucoup bucks and attending umpteen seminars on global warming and adhering to strict guidelines ad nauseam, PB has become licensed by Al Gore, himself, to use the word sustainable to describe a person, place or thing in Pottery Barn catalogs until well past the year 2017.

What does Pottery Barn mean by sustainable seagrass?

You would ask that.  Sustainable seagrass is any seagrass that has been painstakingly trimmed by the very fingers of Al Gore, himself,  in such a way as to make it grow back quickly and also in such as way as to give Al Gore a killer back ache in such a way as to cause Al Gore to hire a female masseuse to come to his room and give him a massage in such a way as to cause Al Gore to act so weird his wife divorces him.

But how does Pottery Barn make a chair out of seagrass?

Nosy aren’t you?  Again the answer lies with  Al Gore. As you may or may not know, Al Gore used to be the Vice President of the United States of America where he spent hours upon hours snacking on Funions and waiting for something untoward to happen to Bill Clinton.  He managed to keep busy by inventing a process he calls braiding.

On any given day, you can find Al Gore along with Leonardo Di Caprio (Al Gore’s best-looking, boot-licker sidekick) busily braiding sustainable seagrass chairs, lamps and even masseuse tables for Pottery Barn to offer to their highly discerning customers who are willing to pay top dollar for any furniture braided by Al and Leo as long as they 1) promise to wash their hands first and 2) promise to preface all Al and Leo’s offerings with the adjective “sustainable.”

But why does Pottery Barn call itself a  pottery barn when it is clearly a store?

Go away kid you bother me.

 

Until next time  . . . I love you (way more than Pottery Barn)

35 thoughts on “Pottery Barn FAQ’s

  1. Yes. I love the Pottery Barn posts.
    And I can totally picture Al Gore braiding seagrass from the comfort of his non-green home.

    Bet he doesnt have any PB furniture

  2. That crazy Al and his crazy sidekick Leo. Thank goodness they have helped PB to become sustainable and eco-friendly by teaching them all there is to know about braiding seagrass. Also, Al Gore really gorged on those funions post office.

    • Well I know that when we saw him in person at the Evergreen Oil speech that time he was late because his quarter got jammed while he was trying to buy a bag of Cheetos . . .or maybe I made that up . . . well it was either one of those!

  3. Yeah, yeah, it’s good. Now, why am I not in your blog roll? Huh? Huh? Answer that Ms Answer Woman. HF

    • What a coincidence! If you could only see my list of things to do today you could see that– well here let me post them here:
      1) read Harper’s hilarious blog and then when he comments back about my blog add his blog to my blog roll.
      2) but before adding link eat lunch
      3) re-read HF’s hilarious blog
      4) eat dinner
      5) brush teeth while rereading HF hilarious blog
      6) watch Golden Grils and remember HF’s hilarious blog and laugh heartily
      7) Go to bed and dream about Harper’s blog.
      8) Wake up in cold sweat realizing I forgot to add Harper’s Blog to my Blogroll
      9) stumble to computer being careful not to break big toe on anything in darkness
      10) add Harper’s link to my blogroll.
      See what I mean about the coincidence!!!

  4. Geeze, just forget it. I can get sarcasm from my wife. Besides, I don’t want to be in your blogroll. Don’t add me. Don’t do it. I forbid it! And, by the way, Ms Writer Extraordinaire, you spelled “girls” grils. HF

    • Already done! Haha nanny nanny! In case you haven’t noticed by now I am the world’s worst typist and proofreader. I was a secretary for many years, a horrible one I might add! If they would have made a mug that said “World’s Number 7,014,840,893 Secretary!” That’s what my boss would have gotten me for every occassion . . .ocassion?

  5. Gotcha! I used the old reverse psychology on you and you fell for it! Nanny, nanny to you! HF:

    PS: I had a sustainable seagrass story in my hopper. In it, I mention Al Gore, too. So, when you see it on my blog, I did not steal it! It’s merely a coincidence. HF

  6. What I want to know is what happens to a sustainable seagrass chair from Pottery Barn when your grandkids spill KoolAid on it? If you’re going to write a FAQ’s, please be kind enough to include the important stuff.

    • Good Call! Reprimand acknowledged ntexa99! Boy you’re strict!! I’ve got a call into them and they’ve got me on hold . . . — just to clarify. . .you’re talking about the Pottery Barn Kool-ad you were drinking at the time . . . ?

  7. Hi,
    There’s no doubt about that Al Gore he has his fingers into everything, as long as it will give him more money. :D
    This of course means that sea grass is expensive, after all if it includes the word sustainable, you know it is very expensive. :)

  8. Lol! Good old Pottery Barn! It’s the catalog that keeps on giving! Who knew the words “sustainable” and “sea grass” would be coupled so easily with Al Gore and Funions!
    Linda, I have to thank you for answering that burning question… Who invented “Braiding?” It’s plagued me for years. I should have known that Al Gore was the inventor! I feel so stupid!

    • Haha Lisa! Yes whenever you are wondering who invented something there’s no need to google, it’s probably going to come up Al Gore anyway! (I think Funions comes up first though) And Pottery Barn is definitely the gift that keeps on giving. Talk about sustainable! And I do believe god put Al Gore on this earth for the express purpose of making the rest of us feel smarter– which just goes to show you god really knows what he’s doing! :D

  9. “Go away kid you bother me.” Now where have I heard that before. Too many times to mention here, I’m sure. Love your view on life and all things Pottery Barn. Enjoy always, T

    • Haha! Go away kid you bother me — should be a bumper sticker, or maybe just a little sign you could keep in your purse and pull it out whenever a clerk is rude or somebody honks at you in traffic! Talk about a one size fits all comeback! HA! :D

  10. I don’t know what is more fun,your post or the comments!!! Poor HF he must be feeling insecure or something….wooffy day to you!! :)

    • Haha mary i — there’s nothing I like better than a having woofy day! And HF was feeling pretty mischievious yesterday. I think he’s been hanging out in the breakroom again! :D

  11. I’m going straight out after I type this comment and buy a wet suit and air tanks, or maybe just one of those masks with the tube thingie that makes bubbles. Why? Because I must, must, simply must hurry down to the bottom of the sea and watch some of those three-tentacled races!! Really, I had no idea!! : )

    I’m sure glad I wasn’t drinking some of Gore’s Own Sea Grass Tea when I read that– there are enough carpet stains around here as it is, thanks to you and your posts!! : )

  12. LOL Mark!! Well you better hurry — I think they start setting up the food for the ocean lawn potluck and if you don’t get there early Al “i’m getting fatter by the minute” Gore might beat you to it! And don’t forget to wear your Santa Suit, just cause it might go nicely with the snorkel. :D Hahaha!

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