My husband, 37, and I have to have a certain amount of coffee each morning to properly function — no more, no less, or the rest of the day takes on a discombobulated edge that’s very discombobulating for want of a bigger vocabulary.
So yesterday when our coffee maker conked out, I gave 37 the task of getting us a new one. And since 37 loves to buy things that plug in, he wholeheartedly agreed.
When I got home last night and went into the kitchen, I was greeted by 37’s coffee maker purchase extraordinaire! It was nothing less than the ultimate symbol of the most advanced civilization to have ever existed on planet earth. I’m speaking, of course, of the:
The Coffee PLUS® 12-Cup Programmable Coffeemaker & Hot Water System.
But let’s just call it Roy.
When I first saw Roy, it was like looking at the control panel of a Boeing 747. I even thought I saw a docking port for my ipod, but I was mistaken, it turned out to be a hot water spigot.
And if you happen to be a fan of spigots, this here’s the coffee maker for ya’ll. (Sorry, I left the window open last night and must have contracted a slight case of fakey southern accent.)
Naturally Roy has a timer so that piping hot coffee will be waiting for 37 and I when the sun comes up –and, if we can figure out how to do it — I think it also has a programmable timer for what time we would like the sun to come up.
Let’s peruse the Instruction Booklet shall we?
Hmm. . . I’m looking at the instructions right now and from what I can ascertain, it looks like Roy might also have a spin cycle; but I’m not very good a ascertaining so dont’ get your hopes up.
Nifty! It says Roy also has a light that flashes whenever Roy needs a good decalcification. (If only I had one of those lights– just think how low my cholesterol would be!)
Hey here’s some good news! It says Roy is equipped with a charcoal water filter! Which is a good thing because
if when 37 decides to try to poison me by putting arsenic in my coffee, it will be filtered out! (And 37 thinks he’s so smart. Ha!)
Ok, you know what? I’m getting as bored as you are, Dear Reader, with reading Roy’s instruction manual, so I’m going to end this little coffee soliloquy right now! Hope ya’ll don’t have a problem with that, ya’ll.
In the meantime, I’m going to see if there’s something I can take for this fakey southern accent.
Until next time . . . I love ya’ll