37 Buys a Coffee Maker

My husband, 37, and I have to have a certain amount of coffee each morning to properly function — no more, no less, or the rest of the day takes on a discombobulated edge that’s very discombobulating for want of a bigger vocabulary.

So yesterday when our coffee maker conked out, I gave 37 the task of getting us a new one.  And since 37 loves to buy things that plug in, he wholeheartedly agreed.

When I got home last night and went into the kitchen, I was greeted by 37’s coffee maker purchase extraordinaire!  It was nothing less than the ultimate symbol of the most advanced civilization to have ever existed on planet earth.  I’m speaking, of course, of the:

The Coffee PLUS® 12-Cup Programmable Coffeemaker & Hot Water System. 


But let’s just call it Roy.

When I first saw Roy, it was like looking at the control panel of a Boeing 747.  I even thought I saw a docking port for my ipod, but I was mistaken, it turned out to be a hot water spigot.

And if you happen to be a fan of spigots, this here’s the coffee maker for ya’ll. (Sorry, I left the window open last night and must have contracted a slight case of  fakey southern accent.)

Naturally Roy has a timer so that piping hot coffee will be waiting for 37 and I when the sun comes up –and,  if we can figure out how to do it — I think it also has a programmable timer for what time we would like the sun to come up.

Let’s peruse the Instruction Booklet shall we?

Hmm. . . I’m looking at the instructions right now and from what I can ascertain, it looks like Roy might also have a spin cycle; but I’m not very good a ascertaining so dont’ get your hopes up.

Yes it’s definitely a spin cycle maybe.

Nifty! It says Roy also has a light that flashes whenever Roy needs a good decalcification.  (If only I had one of those lights– just think how low my cholesterol would be!)

Hey here’s some good news!   It says Roy is equipped with a charcoal water filter!  Which is a good thing because if when 37 decides to try to poison me by putting arsenic in my coffee, it will be filtered out! (And 37 thinks he’s so smart. Ha!)

Ok, you know what? I’m getting as bored as you are, Dear Reader, with reading Roy’s instruction manual, so I’m going to end this little coffee soliloquy right now!  Hope ya’ll don’t have a problem with that, ya’ll.

In the meantime, I’m going to see if there’s something I can take for this fakey southern accent.

Until next time . . . I love ya’ll

20 thoughts on “37 Buys a Coffee Maker

  1. You’re such a funny bunny Linda! I always love the “high jinks” (boisterous or rambunctious carryings-on..defined in Websters) that 37 is up to! Joy
    P.S. I was wanting a way to use that word- thanks!

    • Haha Joy! Well if this post inspired you to look up the Webster definition of the word rambunctious then my day is complete! Rambunctiously complete! :D And you know you can’t keep a good man like 37 down. Take right now for instance he’s . . . . well he’s asleep on the couch so never mind! :D

  2. Oh boy! New toys are always fun, if you can figure out how to work the danged thing. We visited friends that have one of those Keurig-Coffee-Pod-Brew-Exactly-A-Cup-At-A-Time-System-Thing or whatever they are called. My guy had to have our friends make his coffee. Sticking to the basics here.
    BTW- good luck with that southern accent thing. I get one of those on occasion, seems to be the sort of thing that just needs to run its course.

  3. Haha Cowgirlz and don’t blame your guy at all. I’m kind of afraid to go near it for fear I will acidentally detonate a nuclear bomb or something. But if I start WWIII at least I’ll have 37 to blame it on! HA! And I hope the fakey accent runs it’s course soon. Fiddle dee dee but it’s annoying! :D

  4. I was given the Keruig thing as a gift. After multiple attempts, I’m back using my old fashioned peculator. Plug it in, it works. Unplug it, it stops. Keeps me happy.

    • Yes indeed! That’s my kind of appliance, just plug it in and unplug in . . .done! I still long for volume nobs. Turn it up it gets loud turn it down it gets soft! I don’t care how hard they try they can never improve on that. 37 is an engineer and he loves stuff like reading instructions and calculating how much coffee it will take to disguise the taste of arsenic and things of that nature so he can make a spreadsheet.

  5. What? You have an appliance that was manufactured in THIS century? We have a new coffee maker too – it’s called a Starbucks barista. All you have to do is insert lots of money.

  6. First of all, lol’s on your new picture. I think it captures the real you Rob! (You need to have a short story contest as to why you are doing whatever it is your doing.)
    And yes, thanks to 37’s purchase we actually do have a new appliance, but that’s not going to stop me from rereading my old coffee perculator manuals from 1954 tonight! No way Jose. It’s life as usual around here, new state of the art coffee maker or no.

    I’d go to Starbucks but I have to have my first cup of coffee before I actually open my eyes and I’m afraid I’d scare the tattoos right off the entire Starbucks staff. And I just couldn’t do that to them — much as I would like to — because it could result in bad Karma. Next time I went to get a tattoo something untoward would happen. That’s just the way the universe works.

  7. Looks like the ‘Cadillac’ of coffee makers…We just bought a Keurig which makes just by the cup but we only drink one cup each and we also drink tea so this is as complex as we’ll get….Hope ya’ll (sorry couldn’t resist) get it working right so when you get up tomorrow morning it’s all ready for you….Diane

    • Well, that’s great that you only drink one cup each! Ya’ll have a lot of self-dicipline ha! It really was nice to get up this moring and have it all ready for me! Love that! I think 37 did good! :D

  8. Wait – you never said how the coffee tasted.
    that thing does make coffee in addition to doing laundry, advanced algorithmic math and neurosurgery too, doesn’t it?

  9. Scene: Potty Barn Appliance Annex

    37: Me take this. Make good coffee. Me like.

    Clerk: You do know she’s gonna write about this, right?

    37: Me know. Always happen. Me used to it.

    I left a window open one night– and the next day I talked like a mosquito… : (

    • Hahahaha Mark! I am officially changing your name to Markie MacLaughoutloud!! You really hit the nail on 37’s head with this one. You sound just like him . . . It’s uncanny! And what’s that? Pottery Barn has an appliance ANNEX! Apparently they were trying to hide it from me. Thanks for the Intel — those mosquitos were Pottery Barn Spies! :D

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