Last night I dreamed my kids were little again,and I was driving them to school. Naturally, I was driving backwards, and when I tried to stop to drop the kids off, my brakes wouldn’t work and we just kept on going right past the school backwards.
You’d think panic would have been in order. But no, instead, I thought, gee, our house is a lot closer to the school when you drive backwards. It’s much farther when you drive frontwards (if a word). How much farther? My brain, Peanuts, didn’t specify. You see, my brain, Peanuts, is not very good with numbers and either am I.
Oh, I know how to add, subtract, multiply and divide just fine unless you’re one of those perfectionists who expect the right answer every time — exactly. I say what’s wrong with eventually?
It’s not that I don’t like numbers. Individually they’re fine. In first grade, I remember enjoying the process of learning how to write numbers. My teacher said when you write a 5, you make the bottom part first and then add the flag on top.
So number 5 had a flag, eh? I rubbed my first grade hands together; finally, we were getting a glimpse into the personal lives of numbers!
On a scale of 1 to 10, the number 5 quickly became my number 1 number. And the confusion didn’t end there.
“I have a life!”
Soon we were having numbers interact, but not in a fun way. Maybe because you can never please numbers. They are very set in their ways. Everything has to be just so. It was all just a little too cut and dried for my tastes.
Later, they tried to trick us into liking numbers by making up story problems.
Megan’s school is 4 blocks away. Megan’s Mother is driving Megan to school backwards. Her brakes are out. How long will it take Megan to eat the 5 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in her lunch box and how much will she weigh when her mother comes to pick her up driving frontwards (god willing) when school is out at 5:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
Anyway, by the time I got to ninth grade algebra at Fisher Junior High School, I was officially the dumbest student in the class. Mr. Van Curen tried to teach me algebra, but I was a hopeless case.
He’d say A = 12 and I’d say why don’t you just leave out the A altogether and just say 12? To which Mr. Van Curen would furrow his dandruff sprinkled brow and say again, Yes, but A = 12.
I hate you Mr. Van Curen.
Until next time . . . I love you – unless you’re Mr. Van Curen
Why would they mix numbers and letters in the first place?
Love your post, as always.
I know! I think the guy who invented Algebra did it for the sole purpose of making the rest of us feel stupid. HA!
Loved this! Me and #’s don’t always mix either. Until I came upon the # pi. I now understand circles and stuff . Is “As the Crow Flies” a #?
OMG! the # pi made you understand circles and stuff. That’s wonderful! And I don’t know if “As the Crow Flies” is a # but I’ll see if I can track down the whereabouts of Mr. Van Curen and ask him. I’m off to google . . .
Ever so glad I got your attention.I crochet hats.So circumfrence and radius are kinda important. Local library and helpful staff taught me everything I know….(about diameters.and etc)
Ha ha Mary i — I can definitely see I need to be spending more time at my local library!
Math was never my friend and still isn’t …luckily I have my husband the math genius…well at least decent at it lol…..Diane
Ha! Well anybody who understands math is a genius in my book!
Did all math teachers have a dandruff sprinkled brow? Mine did too!!! Haha! I was so bad at math that I would actually try to draw the word problems to see if that would help. If the problem involved a train I would literally draw a train!!! LOL!
Lily’s post for today compliments yours – it involves her hatred of science!
LOL Lisa! That is so funny! Your dandruff sprinkled brow math teacher (probably Mr. Van Curen’s brother) should have given you an A for effort at least. I wish you would have been in my class, we could have been clueless together. It seemed to me like everybody in the class got it just fine except for me. I was completely hopeless. I got an F for the first semester and by the end fo the year he could see how hopeless I was and took puty on me and gave me a D- so I didnt have to take anymore math all through high school! YAY! I’ll go check out Lily’s post right now!
I would love to see Mr. Van Curen’s response to this. Tell him to post it next time you drive backwards past him!
Ha! I will. I just hope I don’t run over him in that I hope I run over him.
I have a son who did calculus in his head. His teacher wanted to flunk him because he only showed the answers on the tests, etc, not the work.
Me: Mr. Blackenstock, we need to discuss Bud’s calculus grade.
Mr. B (brushing his shoulders): He won’t show the work!
Me: Are the answers correct? Does he understand what you are teaching? Has he shown he can do the work?
Him: Yes.
Me: Then shut the fuck up you jealous dick and give him a decent grade and go buy some head and shoulders. (Actually, I was very polite and he did accept the answers after that. He didn’t buy head and shoulders, though, and continued to have flakes everywhere)
Hahahaha! Addie I love that story! My son had a friend like your son. He thought Calculus was self-explanatory! How frustrating the Mr. Blackenstocks of the world are! It’s like they are living in a pararell universe where Head and Shoulders hasn’t been invented yet and everybody goes around completely missing the point! And I wound’t be surprised it they came out of the womb with dandruff!
Hi,
Another great post. I used to hate the made up stories for the maths, but driving backward, that is priceless.
I love your response Mags!
I can hear the Aussie in it! And I love when that happens! 
So glad you liked it! 
You know what they say: there’s no Curen for math phobia… : P
Oh Mark! If only I would have thought of that in Jr. High Math class I might have been able to redeem myself with my fellow inmates!
I loved this!!!! This really made me laugh! How do you think of this beautiful absurd nonsense?! Getting into the personal lives on numbers. Oh how I wish you’d write a book!!!
Well someday I’ll put all my posts in a book but I’ll wait until I get a whole bunch of posts so that the book will be about two feet high. That way it will stand out at the bookstore. If for no other reason than because it’s the thickest book ever published. Kind of like when Spinal Tap was well known from being one of the loudest bands in rock.