Hello friends and welcome to the post that is going to change your life!
Have you ever wanted to be a bestselling novel writer but thought it was too complicated or would take too long?
Well think no more! Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon will have you mastering the art of writing a bestselling novel before the end of this post. After all, they don’t call her Renowned Bestselling Novel etc. etc. for nothing!
So let’s begin, shall we?
Step One: Obtain a Vocabulary
To become a bestselling novel writer, the first thing you are going to need is are is some words. Here are (or is) some common places where words can be obtained:
1) Coming out of people’s mouths
2) Written on books, pamphlets, and brochures.
3) Scrawled on park benches
4) Cash register receipts
5) Government documents
6) Under rocks
7) Carved into trees
8) Hidden in tattoos
9) Crop Circles
10) Menus
Now that you are an EXPERT on how to find words, the next thing you will need is a bucket in which to place the words you just obtained like I did:
Vocabulary I have managed to obtain.
Step Two: Find a Lucky Charm
Bestselling authors have always known that to be successful, they must beg, borrow, or scrape off the bottom of someone’s shoe a lucky charm.
Renowned Bestselling Author Wannabe Linda Vernon suggests you purchase an authentic Evel Knievel Lucky Charm Coin that renowned stuntman, Evel Knievel, kept in his pocket each time he performed a motorcycle stunt.
Yeah, he did break every bone in his body every single stunt, but think what would have happened if he HADN’T been carrying his lucky charm!
Artist’s Rendering of the Evel Knievel Coin
Evel Knievel Coins are free*
*(But allow $32,000 for Shipping and Handling –seems like a lot but they are handled non-stop for a couple of months!)
Step Three: Dump and Title
Now that you have successfully obtained your words and ordered your lucky charm, it is now time to dump you Lil’ Bucket o’ Words onto the pages of your novel. (Depending upon how quickly your computer copy and paste function works, this should take no more than one to two seconds.)
Now for the fun part! Coming up with a title for your bestselling novel!
To save you time, Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon has taken the liberty of designing a One-Title-Fits-All-Genres book cover design she guarantees they won’t be able to pull off the bookshelf fast enough!
The Wind Has No Last Name?
by
Your name here!
And there you have it, dear reader/bestselling novel writer! You are now a bona-fide Bestselling Novelist. If you don’t feel any different, don’t worry, it might take a couple of hours before this post takes effect.
Until next time . . . I love you
I took notes and expect to be on the NYT Best Seller List any day now. Thanks, Linda!
Ha! Good for you Addie! It’s definitely only a matter of time now!
Yup, words help a whole lot in a novel – even books on photography/art!
HA! A necessary evil, I’m afraid Braintomahawk.<–(You need to officially change your name to that! )
oh, I will keep this in mind. Words ha? By the way, do you have any suggestion on how big the bucket should be?
And yeah, your penmanship is really pretty, must be from writing burger orders from the last Trifecta post.
~Imelda
Haha! Thanks Imelda! I didn’t learn a single thing in school, but penmanship! Somehow I must have known I was going to need it for a very important task someday! And if Steve McQueen’s nose wouldn’t have gotten in the way who nose where I’d be today!
Now I know what I’ve been doing wrong all this time. I thought you had to sleep with publishers.
LOL Rich! hahahaha!
Hahahahahah! I’m glad you explained that there is non-stop handling of the Evel Knievel coins. I couldn’t figure out why it was so expensive? But now it all makes sense. “The Wind Has No Last Name?” is the perfect title for my book since it’s about wind and last names.
Thanks for your help!
Oh Lisa hahahaha! Your comment! hahahaha! I’ve got to make a new anacronym for laughing called LOLRME
Laughing out loud ruining my eye makeup!
Can’t wait to read your book since it’s about wind and last names! hahahahahaha
Hi,
Now I know what I was doing wrong, I didn’t check out the crop circles, how stupid of me to over look this, and I also was not using a bucket, so I will get onto this straight away, and I have a lot of confidence that I will be a Billionaire by the end of the month.
Ha ha! That’s the spirit Mags!!
And if you can’t find a bucket you could probably just use an old Easter Basket –that way the aliens will just think you’re looking for Easter Eggs if they catch you in one of their crop circles! Ha!! 
Now that is a good idea, although if I don’t talk to them how will I ever get the words?
Hahaha! Good Point!
A question for a title? Genius! Is there somewhere I can bypass doing the word research on my own (I have no menus, aprk benches or bathrooms nearby) and just by your Lil’ bucket o words from you?
Hmmmm . . .well ok. At ten bucks a word. Normally I would charge a lot more than that, but I’ll give you a discount because you’re my daughter and because you don’t have a bathroom nearby. But I have to charge a little extra for arroz con pollo because it’s actually three words. And I want the bucket back!
That’s all there is to it….well by the time a couple of hours has passed I will expect to write a book….you’ll get the first copy….now that’s if my bucket has enough words…lol Diane
Oh goody I get the first copy!! Let me know if you need to borrow any words. I’ve got an extra large bucket!
I’ve decided to give up on my dream of being a best selling novelist and will instead pursue a career writing nutritional information on cereal boxes. Just gotta make sure I can spell Riboflavin correctly. That one gets me all the time.
You know I think that’s a fabulous idea, Rob. I love reading the nutritional info on cereal boxes — especially if it has a surprise ending (like maybe if somebody spelled roboflavin wrong)
I can’t say enough, even if I tried, so I won’t – try to say enough. Enough already. T
I’m enjoying your book, btw!
My problem is I use a pail of words, not a bucket.
I guess that’s what’s been keeping from rising above the Lost Sock Romance Novel genre.
Well a pail is ok. As long as you’ve managed to obtain the word shovel, you can take it to the beach too.
Hi, your notes and tips are very good! My latest work is a novella, a collection of 12 short stories which is out now at Amazon US, UK stores. If you would be interested to have a look at it, you can view the synopsis at my blog page : http://musewithcoffee.wordpress.com/2012/06/10/featured-ebook-12-precious-anecdotes-from-life-a-5stars-novella/ Thanks!
LOL! You like those tips? Well there’s more where those came from. I can make them up at a moments notice!
I’ll definitely check out the link you left. And thands for coming by musenwrite! 
Aren’t you supposed to beat the words in a bowl and bind them with mayonnaise? I’m gonna double-check with Betty Crocker…
Evil Knievel looks a lot like Annabel Lee. I wonder if she wears a motorcycle helmet while she’s lying in her sepulchre by the sea–?
I created a folder named ‘Barn’ and tried to move the horses into it, but neigh, it didn’t work… : (
LOL Mark!! You’re right that Evil Knievel looks a lot like Annabel Lee! Coincidence or strange sepulchre accident? I’m thinking both. At any rate it probably happened because Annabel Lee wasn’t wearing a helmut!
LOL!
After all these years writing and thinking I had something going on…I’m dumbfounded to realize I really don’t have a clue! Thanks for the heads up!
(head hanging in shame and embarrassment)
Haha Debra! Well I forgot to mention that hanging ones head in shame and embarrassment is the first step in becoming a bestselling novel writer. So keep your chin up! (or not).