Archaeology Headlines: Breaking News About What Happened a Really Long Time Ago!


Pottery Fragments Discovered by Archaeologists from China and France (Who Got Along Really Well!)

A team of Chinese archaeologists working side by side with a team of French Archaeologists and only sometimes getting in each other’s way,  have discovered pottery fragments in a cave in Maiden, China now thought to be 20,000 years older than the pottery fragments of the Chinese family who are currently living in the cave.

“The pottery was probably used to cook food and/or water in.” Dr. Wang Lung Wang has been interpreted as saying by French Archaeologist, Jacques Pierre Jacques who claims to speak Chinese.

Pottery fragment of hunter gatherer who wasn’t very careful with his pottery.

“The pottery was used by hunter gatherers,” added Jacques Pierre Jacques, who holds a one-year Doctor of Archaeology Certificate from Yoplait Community College and who has been a leader in hunting and gathering pottery fragments of hunter gatherers for the last 37 years (except for the year he had to have his spleen removed).

In an unprecedented display of cooperation between French Archaeologists and Chinese Archaeologists, both teams agreed everyday during the excavation to order a large pepperoni pizza with olives and green peppers and split it so that both teams got exactly the same amount of slices.

The Oldest Known Rock Art in Britain Has Finally Been Discovered.

A team of French Archaeologists led by Renowned French Archaeologist, Jacques Pierre Jacques, (see above) has stumbled upon the oldest known rock art in Britain.  After tripping over some pottery fragments in a cave in Shrapnailshire, England,  Jacques Pierre Jacques (who has a terrible time seeing in the dark) stumbled upon a rendering of either a mosquito or a bison — he is unable to ascertain which one for certain until the French Archaeologists Team flashlight arrives.

Cave drawing of a mosquito or bison thought to be either 20,000 or 72, 000 years old by Jacques Pierre Jacques.

Gold Coins of the Past

Thirty Seven old gold coins produced in Holland were discovered underneath some oily rags in the basement of 1515 Cherry Rose Lane, Ottoman, Canada by Renowned French Archaeologist, Jacques Pierre Jacques while he was residing at the home of his brother-in-law, Pierre Jacques Pierre,  until some personal business of Jacques Pierre Jacques (which can all be explained) is cleared up.

Jacques Pierre Jacques estimates the coins to be worth somewhere in the neighborhood of  $25,000 in today’s dollars (Canadian).  The coins are thought to date back to the year 1732 because that is the year that is engraved on each of the coins; but Jacques Pierre Jacques insists on delivering the valuable coins, personally, to the lab for carbon dating.

Jacques Pierre Jacques has promised his brother-in-law that nothing untoward will happen to the gold coins on the way there and has even sworn as much on a stack of bibles that were produced shortly before the dawn of the middle ages.

Humorous Archaeology Happenings!

Last week in Ibuprofen, Germany,  a team of French Archeologists lead by Jacques Pierre Jacques unearthed the grave of what they thought was going to be the remains of a viking pillager villager –but turned out, instead, to be the remains of Mrs.Gustav Heidelburg who was buried just last Wednesday.

A good laugh was had by all!

Until next time . . . I love you

17 thoughts on “Archaeology Headlines: Breaking News About What Happened a Really Long Time Ago!

  1. It seems the 75,000 year old pottery bowl has a clear “S” label on it. This could mean the pottery bowl belonged to “Simon” or perhaps the contents of the bowl were clearly “Stuff”. I wonder what this would go for at Pottery Barn? I bet more than 75,000 Canadian dollars.

    • Hahahaha! Maybe the S stood for both Simon and Stuff! If only they could have found the contents of Simon’s Stuff, think how much they could have ascertained about Simon and his Ancient Peoples! :D

  2. LOL!!! It won’t be long before Pottery Barn adds duplicates of these fun fragments to the activity center. I just know they will.
    That whole carbon dating thing makes me think that Jacques Pierre Jacques might have had more than just his spleen removed, like maybe a portion of his brain, too? Haha!

  3. Haha!! Pottery Barn could buy up all the pottery fragments! Lisa you are a genius!! I know there are plenty of them too because I don’t think ancient peoples did much of anything else but shatter pottery!! HA! The Pottery Fragment Barn! Haha ! ! and I think you’re right about Jacques and a portion of his brain being missing. I think they might have gone in through the brain to get to his spleen. :D

  4. wow olives and green peppers on pizza – I mean I am for olives, but green peppers no way; and just THOSE two toppings? Now I have serious doubts on their integrity.

  5. How long do you think about (research lol) your stories before sharing them?….or do you wing it…except of course when it is a historical factual story like this one…Diane

  6. Gotta watch out for that Jacques Pierre Jacques. All graduates of the Yoplait School of Archeology are exceptionally smooth.
    And sometimes have fruit on their bottoms.

  7. “… because that is the year engraved on the coins…” ::giggles mightily, wipes away tears::

    As a point of interest: I understand they found a lot of pottery fragments buried with Mrs. Gustav Heidelburg. Mr. Gustav saw it as an opportunity to get rid of her entire Pottery Barn collection.

    You can’t blame a guy for trying!! : )

    • Hahahaha! Mark! I’m just picturing Mrs. Gustav Heidelburg last wish –people lined up at her death bed holding vases and jars from Pottery Barn as she takes each one and smashes it. LOL! I think you’re starting to rub off on me Mark! :D

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