How to Tell if You’ve Been Spending Too Much Time with Your Husband

You’re starting to see the wisdom in eating things straight out of the bag.

“What? A plate for these? Don’t make me laugh.”

You know how to check “the scores” during commercials.

Lately you’ve found yourself reading things like Drip Irrigation Guidelines just for the heck of it.

“Can I see it now?”
“Ok, but don’t lose my place.”

You’ve developed temporary blindness when looking for something on a shelf.

“What apple on a plate? I don’t see any apple on a plate.”

Now it’s YOU who eats the last piece of everything.

The idea that just because a person has had an article of clothing hanging in their closet that they haven’t worn for fourteen years doesn’t mean they aren’t ever going to wear it again – is actually starting to make some sort of crazy sense to you.

“No I’m keeping it. I might decide to wear it to next year’s company party.”

You’ve adopted your husband’s penchant for keeping his favorite socks on the floor by his recliner.

You’ve adopted your husband’s recliner.

You’ve adopted your husband’s favorite socks.

You’ve suddenly discovered:  Hey! It’s fun to start conversations while you’re brushing your teeth!

“Nasha shaha sha shu?”
“Ha Ha!  Nasha shushi shashi shu shu!”

You’re beginning to actually fathom exactly why golf clubs need to always be in plain sight.

“You’re right! Life IS better when you can see them 24/7!”

And finally, the best way to tell if you’ve been spending too much time with your husband:

You are now able to tell the difference between regular TV and HD TV.

“Wait! That’s not HD . . . turn it QUICKLY!!

“PHEW!! That’s better!”

Until next time . . . I love you

28 thoughts on “How to Tell if You’ve Been Spending Too Much Time with Your Husband

  1. Mom these are hilarious and SPOT on!!! Whenever I watch TV Tyler will always point out the channel I pick is not in HD. Looks the same to me! I think I’m a few years safe from spending too much time with him. Phew!

    The pictures captions ALL made me “LOL” by the way. Especially the teeth brushing one!

    • Well something dad does is come out in the living room while brushing his teeth and starts up a conversation. I’m sure that there’s men all over the world who do that but WHY? Ha ha! I guess it’s just part of his charm.

    • Thanks tribes! I can certainly understand wanting to keep the thing you love where you can see it. If it were possible, I’d love to keep my horse in the living room.

  2. hahaha! The apple on the plate! How many times do they stand there staring right at something but they still don’t see it. I have to remind my husband to use his hands to look, that he might actually have to move things around on the shelf to see what’s lurking behind other objects.
    My son was looking for something yesterday and asked me where he might find this object, I said, “It’s in the drawer in the hall.” (Mind you, there are two drawers in the hall.) His response, “Which one?” LOL!!! I feel soo sorry for his future wife.

    • Which one!! Hahaha! I once heard that condition described as Male Pattern Blindness! It sounds like your son might be going prematurely blind! LOL!! From now on, I’ll suggest 37 use his hands! I never of that one. I wonder if it would be possible to train dogs as seeing shelf dogs for men! HA! I know I’d get one. :D

  3. You have seen the light! Eternal manly wisdom is not far off for you! Why waste time looking for something when your wife knows exactly where it’s at? Non-HD television!? Hello! This is 2012 we’re in, people! Any opportunity to not make more dirty dishes by eating straight from the bag is always a good one. Hey, can I borrow that drip irrigation book sometime? Looks really interesting!

    • LOL Eric!! But what I don’t understand and maybe you can enlighten me here, is why can’t men see things right in front of their eyes on shelves, but yet they can detect whether or not the tv is on the HD channel a mile away?

      Oh and sorry I can’t lend you the drip irrigation book because I’m using it as my plate now! (I don’t think I’m seeing the light completely but I think I may be getting closer to it.)

  4. The looking and finding thing. I thought I had a “special” super power. Glad to know others (women) have it too. I also call it the BIG RED TRUCK as in…… great post spot on..

    • Haha Mary i. I always feel proud of myself when I can find something instantly that my husband has been searching for for five minutes. He’s always impressed with my “finding” abilities which makes me feel like I’ve got “special” super powers too LOL!!

  5. You are well on your way to enlightenment, grasshopper but there is still much to learn.
    In time you may learn things like:
    4 pair of shoes are all that is required (5 if you play golf)
    15 linear feet of bathroom shelf space is 14 more than you need for “products”
    and hopefully….someday…..when approaching nirvana you’ll realize….you really do look fine in whatever you have on.
    I applaud your progress.

  6. LOL!! Thank you Master Rich. You have enlightened me greatly on all of these things except for one: Why do you refer to feet as linear feet? We women do not understand this thing your refer to as linear feet, we’ve barely got our minds wrapped around the concept of feet and when you put the word linear in front of it you make things unnecessarily complicated and confusing. P.S. I hope your still applauding though! :D

    • Yes. still applauding. Also applauding your fine teacher, 37 for it has taken you much less time to learn these things than most.
      Ok. Let me help on the feet thing. There are 4 kinds of feet.
      1) feet: the kind we put shoes on
      2) linear feet: not the same as #1
      3) square feet: also not the same as #1
      4) cubic feet: clearly different than #1

      • 1) You have enlightened me more than I’ll ever comprehend!
        2) You have enlightened me more than you’ll ever comprehend!
        3) You have enlightened me more than we’ll ever comprehend!
        4) You have enlightened me more than they’ll ever comprehend!
        And for that all of the above thank you! :D

  7. He he he, I started my morning (when I eventually got up!) by attempting to have a bowl of ‘my’ cereal, only to find that my man had decided that today was when he was going to try some for the first time… and finish it… Grr.

    You are bang on with these! :)

  8. As a charter member of The Manly Fraternity, I can only marvel at how well you have grasped all the essentials! Absolutely… devastating… : )

    My favorite part was the picture of 37 and the outfit he’s saving for next year’s company party. Also devastating. Those sure don’t look like Funyuns he’s eating, however… : P

    Funyuns… I detect Al Gore’s evil influence there… : (

  9. Ha ha Mark! Yes Al seems to be Peanuts favorite topic of late. And I do think that 37 can get away with wearing the outfit to next year’s company party as long as he is sure to remember to bring a bag of Funyuns for everyone! :D

  10. Awesome post! Especially the teeth brushing language. I can actually seeing you writing a whole story about a couple who communicates like that even outside of brushing. :D


    • Oh that would make a really funny story. 37 actually does that. He’ll come in the living room while he’s brushing his teeth and strike up a conversation and I can never understand he’s saying! LOL :D

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