Trying to Explain the Inexplicable World of Metropolitan Home Magazine


Today Dear Reader, we will be taking a stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Mommy, where’s my milk?

I put it in the elegantly expressed living room that is a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m thirsty!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Mommy, may I go upstairs now?

No.

Why not?

Because we live in a one-story Metropolitan house.

But isn’t that a staircase behind me?

No, it’s a painting!  Ha ha!  You just fell for the oldest trick in the designer book, Bobby!

Bobby don’t cry.  I was just kidding!  I love you, Bobby!  Hey I know!  Why don’t you roll the coffee table outside and ride it down a steep hill?

But won’t I mess up the mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand?

Oh yeah, never mind!

Gosh, I don’t think life gets anymore perfect than sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living as I thumb through a Metropolitan Home Magazine in which I am featured sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living thumbing through a copy of Metropolitan Home Magazine!

Mommy, where’s my hotdog?

It’s in a bed suspended by ropes dangling over a cliff to showcase a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand..  What a silly question!

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m hungry!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Meet Vanessa Victoria Splatums. She’s old enough to have white hair, but she’s young enough and hip enough to hate her kitchen because it’s not mélang-y enough.  Well, sorry to have to be the one to break the news to you Vanessa Victoria Splatums, but your kitchen hates you too!

Mommy can I get the kitty out and pet her?

Shh . . . we’re trying to look at our mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Mommy, I think the kitty’s thirsty, can I get her out?

No you’ll  mess up the mélange.

But she’s thirsty!

Too bad, she’ll just have to suck it in like everyone else in this world.

* * *

And there you have it, Dear Reader, our stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Until next time . . . I love you

22 thoughts on “Trying to Explain the Inexplicable World of Metropolitan Home Magazine

  1. So hysterically funny. I’m looking around at my eclectic interior desigh that has no design at all and NOT put together with a very sure hand, and I’m quite certain as never been visited by melange…..and I’m feeling very comfy and cozy. Thanks for the enlightenment on Metropolitanism….and thanks for the laugh!

    • So glad you enjoyed our little foray into the world of Metropolitan House Magazine. Averyanne! I just wish there was some way we could take a peek into the actual homes of the designers who put these rooms together. I wonder what we would see! :D

  2. How content that couple look knowing the cat won’t leave hairs all over their furniture, whispering to her husband “we need to get one of those for the kid”

  3. Hahaha! The coffee table with the wheels cracks me up!
    Looks like Metropolitan magazine thinks you have to be a Stepford wife to achieve the perfect Melange! lol!

    • Ha ha! It does look like a set from a science fiction movie. What I want to know is where are these Metropolitan Home Dwellers suppose to keep all their stuff. I noticed they neglected to show the inside of the closets! :D

  4. In the top melange of sure handed diversity, I’d be more concerned about being able to find a glass of milk in all that creamy whiteness.
    Until it went sour, of course.

  5. Linda, I think you have just reduced Metropolitan House Magazine to a steaming melange of diverse elements. The B17 of Truth, guided by your very sure hand, returns from another successful bombing mission. Target successfully destroyed. No loss of life. :D

  6. I was shocked– shocked!!– to discover that I’m not the only one who sun-cooks hot dogs by dangling them over a cliff. Then I eat them with a melange of onions, mustard, relish, and Cool Whip… : P

    P.S. I hate young people with white hair, and I’m all for dangling them over cliffs as well!! Oops, the rope slipped, give my regards to Broadway and Andy Warhol– phooey!! : )

  7. Oh double phooey!! I thought I had finally hit on something that you haven’t already tried Mark! I don’t know what I was thinking? I sensed from the moment I first read your blog that you struck me as a sun-cooked by dangling in a bed over cliff hotdog kind of guy. I don’t why. Maybe I was just reading between the lines again. You’ll have to excuse me now though as I have a little e-mail to compose to Broadway and Andy Warhol! I just hope I didn’t accidentally delete their addresses again! :D

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