Hello Dear Readers and welcome to Friday here at the blog! Today my brain, Peanuts, got a bee in its bonnet. (I really wish Peanuts wouldn’t wear the bonnet, it’s so stupid looking.)
Anyway, Peanuts and I were looking at this genuine news article on the internet™Al Gore about ingredients that are bad for you and decided to change it up a bit by filtering out most of the facts and adding in our own. And so here is:
Food Ingredients You Do Not Want to Mess With
This preservative is used to prevent rancidity in foods that contain oils. Unfortunately, BHA (butylated hydroxyanisole) causes . . . guess what?
Yup you guessed it! The black plague! Fruity Pebbles has been known to cause the black plague in termites, tarantulas, geraniums and hamsters! Stay away from this ingredient like the plague! (Unless you enjoy getting the plague, in which case . . .eat away!)
These synthetic preservatives are used to inhibit mold and yeast in food. The problem is parabens may also disrupt your body’s hormonal balance causing you to have difficulty yodeling in front of crowds of 5,000 people or more. If your livelihood depends on your yodeling abilities, the FDA suggests you forgo the parabens altogether. If, however, your yodeling is just a hobby . . .don’t worry about it!
Partially Hydrogenated Oil
Look for partially hydrogenated oil on the ingredient statement. If it’s anywhere on there, then you’re ingesting artery-clogging trans fat — a trans fat that can also clog up drains, toilets and the works. In rare cases, trans fat has been known to cause confusion and disorientation around Greyhound buses. If you happen to go to Long John Silvers and order the popcorn shrimp while driving a Greyhound bus, the FDA recommends you have a Long John Silver employee drive you home.
Castoreum is one of the many nebulous “natural ingredients” used to flavor food. Though it isn’t harmful, it is unsettling. Castoreum is a substance made from beavers’ castor sacs, or anal scent glands. If you get nauseated easily the FDA suggests you might want to consider only eating ice cream that was made from great big gobs of green gushy gopher guts.
The FDA isn’t saying eating Funyuns will kill you. It is however issuing a warning that the ingesting of Funyuns is directly related to the condition of Robotism or Frankenstienism. Therefore FDA is issuing an official heads up about the fact that Al Gore is a giant Funyuns fan!
The FDA’s just sayin’.
Until next time . . . Peanuts and I love you