“Quick! Get Clark and Hold Him Over the Toilet!”


When I was growing up, we always had lots of kitties living with us.  There was Taffy May and Buzzel and Merv — but the kitty that stands out the most in my mind is Clark.

Clark was the kitty my mother got my brothers and I to help ease the pain of the divorce.  We moved to a new town after that and took Clark with us.

Unfortunately, the only way we could have Clark in our new place was if we agreed to have him de-clawed.

For some reason, in 1965, landlords thought that one little kitty could destroy an entire property.

Thinking back,  it was a horrible thing to do to our beloved Clark, and I hope it is a practice that has long since been  abandoned.  For you see, Clark was never quite right in the head after that.

Clark had a chip on his shoulder and he liked to take it out on  bare legs. God help you if you walked by him in shorts, he would attack by jumping on your legs and sliding slowly down them like he was a fireman.

Clark also had a weak stomach.  Every couple of days or so, he would meow in a certain way just before loosing his lunch.  When we finally caught on to this idiosyncrasy of his and when we heard “the call” my mother would always yell for one of us to get Clark and hold him over the toilet.

This became a pretty regular routine.  One day my brothers got the genius  idea to impersonate Clark’s up-chuck distress call.

This proved to be great fun especially when our friends were over.  If things started getting dull or the conversation would lull, somebody would impersonate Clark’s up-chuck distress call and without missing a beat my mother would yell from the other room,  “Quick somebody get Clark and hold him over the toilet!”

At this point in time, we also had very old furniture and our couch had holes in it.  My mother was always sewing them up to prevent someone from falling through.

One day my mother couldn’t find her reading glasses and surmised that they must have fallen off while she was sewing up the couch.

So here we all were – a room full of teenagers — watching TV.  In walks my mother with a pair of scissors and asks one of the boys to scoot over a little, he complies whereupon my mother cuts a hole in the couch, reaches in, pulls out her reading glasses, puts them on and leaves the room without saying a word.

Five minutes later someone gave the, by now, infamous up-chuck distress call to which my wonderful mother responded in true Pavlovian fashion by yelling from the other room,

“Quick, somebody get Clark and hold him over the toilet! “

Ah! Those were the days!

Until next time . . . I love you

The Taffy May Incident

16 thoughts on ““Quick! Get Clark and Hold Him Over the Toilet!”

  1. I wish I could have been there! Poor de-clawed Clark. He was probably throwing up from the embarassement of having no claws to defend himself.

    The next time I lose my glasses the first place I’ll look is inside the couch.

  2. Haha! I’m oh so familiar with that sound they make before they throw up. Their body gets sort of hunchy, too. It makes me laugh that your mom was quick to jump into action. Her ears were probably always on alert. It doesn’t take too many clean ups to get the warning system down. lol!
    I like the idea of having surprise couch cushions – sort of like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna find! haha!

    • I think all cat owners probably know that telltale sound! And I’m sure my mom’s ears were on red alert. It also occurred to me while I was writing this that that maybe my Mom knew it was us and just played her part because we got such a kick out of it. I guess it was back in the day when there really were such things as cheap thrills! And yes our couch was like a box of chocolates! LOL!!

    • Cats can be such a riot! My daughter has the perfect cat. She hasn’t thrown up once!! (my daughter has but not the cat!) We don’t know how she ever got so lucky! That kitty is a keeper! :D

  3. I can’t even imagine the expression on your friends’ faces when she slit open the couch to get her glasses. The dogs throw up, too, but it’s a little more difficult to hold them over the toilet. It usually comes with cries of, “Oh no! Outside! OUTSIDE!!!”

  4. What a fun story…we had a cat that did that too….but never thought of picking her up and holding her over the toilet…we usually rushed to put her somewhere other than carpet…which she invariably would choose to be on when she got the urge…we’d lift her onto the kitchen or bathroom floor..if we caught her in time….ah…memories…Diane

    • LOL! Diane. I have a dog now that has a pretty weak stomach. She has a weak stomach weekly. I try to put her out on the deck but I’m always too late! Why does it always happen on the rug? I once had a dog who got up on the table, ate the rest of a bowl of Trix and then later when I was getting ready to leave came over and threw up Trix on my new pants! Ah memories indeed!

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