Hello Dear Readers! Holy Cow do we have a treat in store for us today! The Overly Creative Writer Lady has agreed to edit some guidelines for us!
The Overly Creative Writer Lady would like us to take out our Drip Irrigation Guidelines and turn to the first page!
The Original Copy Says:
“These drip emitters for shrub and trees provide full or partial pressure compensation.”
Dear Readers, this pathetic writing example is enough to make the Overly Creative Writer Lady laugh — if only she knew how!
Let’s watch as the Overly Creative Writer Lady works her magic on this pedestrian piece of writing while at the same time keeping the meaning intact:
These blue-as-the-sky-on-a-cloudless-January-afternoon drip emitters for shrub and trees — trees like those on yonder hill (that, from this distance, sometimes appear blue in the beauty of the evening light unless one is colorblind in which case they would probably just appear darkish gray in the beauty of the evening light) provide full –as full even as the botoxed lips of an aging ingenue or perhaps as full as a bath that one has started to draw and then received a call from Ed McMahon with news that one had just won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes if indeed Ed MacMahon were still alive and if indeed one had just won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes which was the reason for the call in the first place or partial pressure compensation.
Holy Cow Overly Creative Writer Lady! We are not worthy! This is astonishing! Apparently this task was way too easy for the Overly Creative Writer Lady.
Perhaps we should have her show us how she would change the next sentence in our Drip Irrigation Guidelines which is:
Emitters with flow rates of 1/4th gps are available for containers or slopes where water may run off.
Dear Readers! I can hear the Overly Creative Writer Lady sharpening her pencil as I type this. Oh we are in for a real treat! OMG! She’s writing it out in longhand! What an opportunity to peek inside the mind of the Overly Creative Writer Lady!
Well as you can see, Dear Readers, not only has Overly Creative Writer Lady managed to breath new life into the topic of Emitters Flow Rates, but she has also manged to somehow weave a tale the likes of which rival Shakespeare, himself! (And I don’t know about you but I thought the pig in a penguin suit parable was absolutely inspired!)
How DOES she do it?
We only hope the Overly Creative Writer Lady will come back and visit us real soon!
Until next time . . . I love you