Hello Dear Readers! And welcome to FRIDAY, the laziest day of the week here at the blog. As I see it we have two choices: 1) string random words together in an effort to fill up space or 2) copy and paste words that have been randomly strung together at a previous date. Let’s go with the latter, the former the copy and paste! Here’s something called:
The Gravity Situation
When it comes to our feet meeting the ground, there’s more than meets the eye.
That’s because, frankly, I don’t think they’ve got the law of gravity completely right.
You always hear scientists talking about tears in the ripple of time, somehow making it possible to suddenly travel backwards or forwards in the timeline.
But what if there was a way to put a tear in the ripple of gravity, somehow making it possible for every single thing in the universe to suddenly drop those last ten pounds.
Now that’s what I call a natural law with some legs!
Allow me to get a tad theoretical here, if you will be so kind.
Let’s suppose I weigh 500 pounds. Or better yet let’s suppose YOU weight 500 pounds . . . alright! Now we’re getting somewhere.
Question Number One:
What we want to know is how can a person, such as yourself, who weighs a whopping 500 pounds coerce gravity in such a way that it would allow you to instantaneously go from a 500-pound Tub-of-Lard to a 115-pound Tub-of-Vegetable-Oil in a matter of nano-seconds?
The Answer to Question Number One:
The Answer is: fool around with some equations until you find a frayed edge in the ripple of gravity, give it a good yank and hello skinny jeans!
Question Number Two:
Oh, rest assured, I can hear your little voice in my head asking, “How can an ordinary layperson, such as myself –someone who is still shaky on the multiplication tables – go from being a Mathematic Ne’er-do-well to a Mathematic Nerd-do-well with nothing to work with but a dream, a hand-held calculator and a 500-pound friend-in-need, such as yourself? Good question! In fact, I am officially making it Question Number Three!
Question Number Three:
See above.
Let’s Talk Specifics
To figure out how to tear gravity using mathematics, the first order of the day is, of course, a large pepperoni pizza with olives. Then settle down to some serious ciphering and re-ciphering by deciphering the numbers and letters previously scribbled on a blackboard during a deep sleep. This is a challenge if ever there was one.
But keep at it until you are able to find a loose thread either in the ripple of gravity, or failing that, in the cable- knit sweater you’re wearing. Then pull the thread gingerly at first, then saltly and pepperly after that.
Before you know it, you’ll have a tear in the ripple of gravity as big as the great outdoors!
After that, it’s just a matter of finding a sale on skinny jeans. And to that noble end, I heartily wish you the best of luck!
Until next time . . . I love you
I prefer to do all my pulling in a chocolatey fashion.
Conversely, if we can reincorporate that lose thread, we can add a quick 200lbs to those annoyingly smug skinny folk!
Oh that sounds good to be El. Especially if the cable knit sweaters have been knitted out of uranium thread!
I got the the Ripple part and it reminded me of the wine. NOW…I am DRINKING wine and forgot to read the rest of your blog. You gotta quit enticing me with ALCOHOL related words Linda. Hehehehehe…
Haha Sooz! I promise to only do that if it’s 5:00 somewhere!
I don’t think I’ll ever become a Mathmateical Nerd-do well which is why we have 37 to explain the concept of gravity (in 10,000 words or less) to us on a regular basis.
Ha! But I’d it’s more like 10,000 words or MORE! LOL!
This reminds me of that book, A Wrinkle in Time. Using both wrinkle and ripple theories, I could lose weight and turn back the hands of time! I think I could really love science. And like Guapo, I’d like to pull my thread in a chocolately fashion, maybe with some nuts and whipped cream? Haha!
Oh chocolate thread with nuts and whipped cream . . .Mmmm! I think this physics thing would be worth looking into. I mean, I think it would be way easier to change the laws of physics than actually lose ten pounds. Somebody needs to make a Laws of Physics Easy Button! But you’ll have to excuse me now . . . I’ve got a banana cream pie in the kitchen that needs unraveling! (I wish!!!)