What Came in the Mail


Dear Readers! Wait til you see what came in the mail for me today from AAA!

This came in the mail addressed to occupant which AAA somehow found out was my middle name! God love ‘em!

Now I don’t want to brag (well I do but I don’t want to look I do), it just so happens that this big, huge corporate conglomerate that goes by the name of American Automobile Association has made yours truly one of their “Special People!”

Here’s what AAA is offering:

AAA wants me to give them money every month for the rest of my life until I die and then –once I’m dead,  they’ll give a little bit of that money back to the person in my family who I like the best — and keep the rest for themselves. But there are other things too that maybe make it a better deal than it sounds like so far, such as:

Which means if I don’t die within 31 days, I’ll get my money back or maybe it means if I do die within 31 days I’ll give them their money back . . . well, either way I’ll probably be dead so I guess it doesn’t matter that much.

Uh oh.  I often use nicotine to remove paint from my clothing . . . but please don’t mention this to AAA, it will just complicate things if I decide to accept their offer.

Let’s see . . . so AAA is  giving me “peace-of-mind” protection so I’ll be okay with dying until I”m 80 but after that, they apparently don’t give flying fig if I’m worrying a lot about my demise . . . frankly, that kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Notice the little cross by the word required.  Does that mean that  AAA is saying NO medical exam required with its fingers crossed behind its back?  It sort of seems like it.

You know what?  Let me just make a call to the AAA Operator who is standing by and ask her if I should take advantage my  AAA Preferred Status Privileges.

Ring

Barney’s Answering Service.

Oh, I was calling AAA . . .  is this AA A?

Yes.

Hi, yes I was wondering if I should sign up for AAA’s Preferred Status Privileges?

I don’t know, lady, I just want to sit down. 

Oh . . .Okay, thank you, bye.

Thank you for calling Barney–uh –I mean AAA.

And there you have it, Dear Reader!  What came in the mail today for me, Linda Occupant Vernon.

Until next time . . .I love you

24 thoughts on “What Came in the Mail

  1. I’m so jealous!!! Especially that you’ll get peace of mind protection! I guess the rest of us will just have to dream about being a “special” person while you get to give all your money to AAA. I guess you’re just one of the lucky ones, Linda. LOL!

  2. AA and AARP must team up on their fabulous once in a life time (if you live until 80) offers. In fact, I bet AARP is really just AAA in disguise. Which means AA is really AARP. The next time I get a letter from AAA I’m going to sue them for trying to convince an alcoholic to drive.

  3. I wish I could get one of those. I love giving my hard earned cash to strangers so I can have peace of mind! I envy you, Linda ;) Maybe I should give them my phone number so they can call me during my dinner times :D

  4. How can I be sure they will invest my cash in companies of immoral reputation? Companies that pollute waters and tear down rainforests for example. I am sure it is a given, but I would like assurances so my mind can be at rest as much as my body would be.

  5. Are you sure you , I and Paula J. aren’t related because my imaginary middle name is Occupant as well and I always open those letters first b/c I also occupy the premises in which the letter was mailed so obviously it is me and it has to be very important news. :D

    • SIS!! I think maybe you and Paula and I were triplets separated at birth! Of course our parents weren’t very imaginative in that they gave us all the same middle, but still! What a coincidence! :D

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