Fish it from the Archives Friday: The Lighter Side of The 2012 Apocalypse


Hello Dear Readers! Here’s a little something I fished from the archives for you that I hope you will enjoy, because sometimes — in order to appreciate the weekend a little more — it’s good to remember, “Yay! We’re not dead yet!” 

The Lighter Side of the 2012 Apocalypse

Getting Through 2012

I’m planning to live at least until age 90, and I better not be disappointed or there’s going to be trouble.  (What kind of trouble and with whom is yet to be determined.) Since I’m going to be 60 soon, I figure I’ve got the last third of my life still to go.  Assuming, of course, we get through 2012 okay.

Were the Mayan’s Just Nervous Nellies?

I’m banking on the fact that the Mayans — who got us all worried about 2012 in the first place — were simply Nervous Nellie types who were an easily embarrassed, socially-awkward group of people.  Perhaps what THEY would consider an apocalyptic nightmare, WE would consider nothing more than an awkward situation.

“Does this hat and scarf combo look like an apocalyptic nightmare? Be honest now”

Crunching My Own Numbers

I suppose this is as good a time as any to confess that when it comes to theories about time, space and things of that ilk; I prefer to crunch all my own numbers. I guess I’m just old-fashioned that way.  And my numbers don’t mind being crunched either.  They can stay flat for days and spring right back into their original shapes the minute I remove the rock.

The Number Zero

Take the number zero, for instance.  Any third-grade mathematician will tell you that if you multiply any number by zero you will get zero.

Just for Argument’s Sake

So let us say, for argument’s sake, that you have seven oranges.  Let’s also say, for argument’s sake, that oranges give you a rash so you won’t be eating any during this demonstration.

Let’s also say, as well, that you live in an alternate universe so as not to complicate things with the pesky laws of physics and other overly fussy things like that.

Let’s also say, for argument’s sake that oranges are dangerous.  (Sorry to be doing all these things for argument’s sake, but argument tends to pitch a fit when things aren’t done for its sake.)

Dangerous Oranges

Why are we making the oranges dangerous?  Because, Dear Reader, we’re going to need some motivation for making them disappear.

That’s right, I said disappear! So let’s lay all our oranges out on the table.  Just in a straight line.  Nothing fancy.  Don’t let any of them roll off.  Now run and get a marking pen and next to the seven oranges write neatly: 7 x 0 = 0.  HA!!   Now, mathematically, you have zero oranges!

So where did all the oranges go?

I’ll bet you my entire life savings that some crazy, socially-awkward Mayan in an alternate universe  ate them.

But before you take that bet, be forewarned! I crunch all my own numbers.

Until next time . . . I love you

14 thoughts on “Fish it from the Archives Friday: The Lighter Side of The 2012 Apocalypse

  1. Only in an alternate universe would things agree to be multiplied by zero. Take my weight, just for arguments sake. €£¥# x 0= 0. Now, just for arguments sake, add 140 pounds. ( 0 + 140 = 140.) Perfect!

  2. haha! The caption on the picture made me laugh. “Does this hat and scarf combo look like an apocalyptic nightmare? Be honest.”
    My dad used to say “for arguments sake” and I never knew what he was talking about, now I know – he was trying to avoid argument from pitching a fit! LOL! Very funny, Linda.

    • LOL! I can remember my grandad was always saying that a lot too. He was very much a scientist/mathematics man (the only one in the family). I think he had to say that so he could at least pretend to have a mathematical discussion! I’d give anything if I could have the disappearing orange discussion with him now! :D

  3. Are those really oranges? ‘Cause they look more like tangerines.

    For argument’s sake let’s say they were tangerines that you tried to pass off as oranges…
    Then this times zero would mean that there were no oranges, only tangerines.

    Which means everything has changed, and oranges have become a game changer.. and, ultimately where would this leave grapefruits, philosophically – speaking…

    And lastly, what do citrus have to do with crunching numbers?

    Why not use a breakfast cereal as your analogy which is crunchy unless you’ve left it in milk for too long…

    Randy

    • Randy my head is spinning! I think you have found the ultimate flaw in my theoretical citrus equation! Drat! I should have gone with Grapenuts in that they are very crunchy and they have fruit-like name! . And I find them to be extremely argumentative! :D

  4. oh mommm I am still wiping tears from my eyes.. I have absolutely no fear of any stupid old apocolypse now – bring it on I say — you crunch your own numbers I am impressed… lol I loved this.. I have definitely been missing you.. a lot .. :???: I am getting back on track though.. I think. everytime I say that .. i get off again. The track i mean
    .well lI think of you and am always here in spirit :-) <3 Love and hugs

    • Ah! Cyberdaughter Lizzie! Thank you so much for your very sweet words! And even if life does take us in all kinds of different directions, I feel the very same way!! And I’m so glad you have absolutely no fear of the apocalypse now because whatever happens, I’m pretty sure we’ll have all the oranges we can eat! LOL :D Love and hugs <3

  5. There was an episode of Nickolodeon’s “Are You Afraid of the Dark” once where a kid found a magic pencil where if he drew a picture of something and then erased it, the actual thing disappeared as well, packed off to another dimension. Naturally he erased his annoying sister right off. :) This orange-erasing sounds exactly like that. :P

  6. You know what Michael? Are you Afraid of the Dark was scary!! (But what an ingenious way to get rid of annoying sisters!) My kids absolutely loved that show! I wonder if they held up. I wouldn’t mind watching some of them again. :D

Please leave a comment. I need help finishing my sentences.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s