How to Calm Your Nerves and Relax


Dear Readers!  As Lucy Ricardo might ask, “Are you tired, run down, listless?  Do you poop out at parties?  Are you unpopular?  The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle book that I just happened find while rummaging around in my favorite thrift store:

For faster results, read while drinking one bottle of vitameatavegamin

This little volume was edited by the staff of Journal of Living in 1952 about the same time that Lucy  Ricardo was pitching for Vitameatavegamin.  Let’s take a look inside to see what 1950’s wisdom awaits us, shall we?

In chapter one, writer, Betty Pratt, tells us about her visit to  Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class!

Obviously, brave writer, Betty Pratt had no idea she was taking her life into her own hands by entering into the fray of Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class.  All this tautness relieving in the form of face screwing and arm swinging was probably downright dangerous!

Next, Dr. Rathbone relayed to Betty Pratt his rules for sleeping.

Dr. Rathbone told Betty Pratt he would like people to start getting ready for bed right after breakfast, but if that is not possible then somewhere in the  neighborhood of 10:00 a.m. should give the sleeper plenty of time to leisurely prepare for going to bed, Dr. Rathbone stated after looking at his watch and noting the time to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 10:00 a.m.

Dr. Rathbone could not stress enough to writer, Betty Pratt, what a big mistake tearing off one’s clothes is under most circumstances.  If, however, a person happened to be a romance writer doing research then it would be considered a perfectly reasonable approach. He then asked Betty Pratt if she was planning to write a romance novel any time soon to which Betty Pratt responded by soundly slapping Dr. Rathbone’s face .

Dr. Rathbone responded to Writer Betty Pratt’s slap to his face with the following bit of advice:

Shortly after this Betty Pratt’s husband, Brawny Pratt, showed up to calm and relax Dr. Rathbone’s nerves by physically persuading him into a coma.

Which is really is the most effective way to calm one’s nerves and relax.

And don’t worry.  All Dr. Rathbone needed was a couple of bottles of Vitameatavegamin and he was  back to his old self in no time.  Attempting to scientifically calm and relax women’s people’s nerves day in and day out!

Until next time . . . I love you

20 thoughts on “How to Calm Your Nerves and Relax

  1. I may have to tear off all my clothes and give a few people a good slap in order to relieve stress. Then I can go quietly into a coma and finally be at peace. Thank goodness for modern medicine!

  2. “…physically persuading him into a coma.” That is brilliant!!
    I have a bone to pick with Dr. Rathbone–if the average tense person is an egoist, then exercise, which leads to a better body (theoretically, of course) will turn that egoist into a raving narcissist. Relaxation and sleep will be but a distant memory.

    • Good point Diane! Let’s see . . . egotist = exercise = raving narcissist = more sleep = egotist . . . I think it’s the evil Dr. Rathbone’s Vicious Circle of Nerve Relaxation!

      Ha ha! I think I know some raving narcisists btw! :D

  3. Gee, I was hoping that Dr. Rathbone and the JOURNAL OF LIVING would solve all my problems, but it’s already 1:11 p.m. and I’m not AT ALL ready for bed. Therefore, this whole day is a lost cause and I’m starting to feel jittery about it.

  4. “Don’t tear off your clothes” definitely conjured up some bodice-ripping images from a bad romance novel. Loved this post!

    By the way, Linda, Pottery Barn is selling “oversized mason jars.” Every time I see it, I am reminded about how much I’m in need of a good Pottery Barn post from you! :)

    • What? Oversized Mason Jars! Be still my beating jam! Ha! Those I have to see. In fact, I might even pop into PB next time I’m downtown. What better way to stir the flames of a Pottery Barn inspiration! :D

  5. haha! I can only imagine the type of person that signed up for the scientific relaxation class.
    I will say that I’m very relieved to know that it’s not just okay to start preparing for bed after breakfast, it’s mandatory if you want to calm your nerves and relax. Also helpful, a nice morphine drip, which I’m guessing Dr. Rathbone covers in the next chapter. Just thinking about these tips and tricks relaxes me. LOL! Vitameatavegamin! haha! I sooo Love Lucy!

    • Ha ha I know Lisa! Who knew relaxation was so much work. Dr. Rathbone’s class does sound like a Lucy episode. I sooo love Lucy too!! Haha! A morphine drip! Well maybe we could all use one of those until we get used to going from daylight savings time to standard time! Or maybe we could got to bed as soon as we get up for a week or so. I think either one would calm our nerves! :D

  6. It is fortunate that mankind dumbs itself down, we will always have those repositories of knowledge, the thrift store.

    Look at the time! I have to go get ready for bed!

    • Somewhere between two used copies of Eat Pray Love or the Da Vinci Code, I am hoping to find a pamphlet entitled “The Mysteries of the Ages Finally Answered!”

      What? Time for bed already? Standard time sucks!

  7. When I wake up I like coffee but that’s going to be counter productive to getting ready for bed. Do they advise starting the day by drinking vodka to help you prepare for an easy transition to sleep instead?

  8. I bought two big dummies at the thrift store, and I use ‘em to help me relax.

    The first is a Dr. Rathbone dummy. I just slap his face until I’m pleasantly tired and ready for bed.

    The other’s an Al Gore dummy. I slap the Funyuns out of his hand. If I’m down, it makes me feel better. If I’m up, it makes me feel better.

    Someday I hope to acquire the real Dr. Rathbone and the real Al Gore. Then I’ll have four dummies… : P

    • LOL!! Thankfully I wasn’t sipping my coffee when I read this!

      “I just slap his face until I’m pleasantly tired and ready for bed!”

      Hahaha! And then I’m laughing out loud thinking of you slapping the Funyuns out of Al Gore Dummy’s hands. But if you get the real Dr. Rathbone and the real Al Gore how are you going to determine which ones to feed the Funyuns to?

      Well I guess you’ll just have to use the ol’ MacGiggle’s slap test on all four and then keep track of which ones say ouch!

Please leave a comment. I need help finishing my sentences.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s