What the Scientists Are Thinking About

New Project Explores Risk of Robot Uprising

In an attempt to keep the staff looking busy at the University of Cambridge,  they have established the Centre for the Study of Existential Risk wherein they will be paying a philosopher, an astrophysicist and a software engineer to think about whether the human race is at risk from artificial intelligence and to determine if what happened in movies like The Matrix and The Terminator might someday come true for realsies.

Their first order of the day was to carefully craft a brilliant Catch 22 mission statement designed to keep them on the Cambridge payroll indefinitely:

The seriousness of these risks is difficult to assess, but that in itself seems a cause for concern, given how much is at stake.

Next, it was decided that the software engineer would be in charge of ordering all the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies from Netflix, the astrophysicist would supervise beer runs; while the philosopher would be in charge of waiting with his ear to the door for the pizza delivery guy, thus bypassing the age old question — if a pizza guy knocks on the door and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

“Shhh . . . was that sound knocking?”
“Sounded like a tree falling to me.”

Most Powerful Black Hole Blast Ever Discovered

Nahum Arav, an astronomer at Virginia Tech, along with his colleagues recently witnessed a blast five times more powerful than anything ever seen before. The blast has been found flowing from a black hole 11.3 billion light years away from earth.

The Scientific community at large is quick not to get their hopes up about the size of the blast, however, due to the fact that up til now the biggest blast Nahum Arav and his colleagues had ever witnessed was at last year’s Virginia Tech Fourth of July celebration when the faculty members got liquored up and set off some M-80 firecrackers in the gas tank of the Dean’s Prius.

“Ah nuts! There goes my gas mileage!”

The British Melt-less Chocolate Debacle

Hailed as the best invention of the last ten minutes, food scientists working at the Cadbury research plant in  Birmingham England have successfully developed a chocolate candy bar that will remain solid in the sun for at least three hours.

The chocolate will only be sold in India and Brazil and not UK, however,  as the sun never comes out in the UK for more than two hours, thus rendering  chocolate that won’t melt in the sun after three hours totally useless in Britain.

British Big Wig, Robert Halfon of the UK is quoted as saying, “It seems that we do all the innovating, then they give the best of British to people overseas.”

Cadbury food scientists are currently working on  developing a variety of grapes that won’t sour.

“Nope . . .still sour!”

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Until next time . . .I love you