Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of the Bible according to Gregory.
Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday School this morning shall we?
Jesus Gets Baptized
Before Jesus came along, John the Baptist was the official spokesperson for the Lord.
John the Baptist was a cousin of Jesus, but he was from the side of the family who were a little different. John the Baptist’s favorite outfit was a romper made of camel’s-hair and a wide leather belt, and he ate nothing but locusts and honey. (He had the Jesus family sweet tooth though!)
John the Baptist had a little baptizing enterprise on the Jordan River. One day Jesus came to him to be baptized. Here’s what scholars believe the conversation might have gone like:
John the Baptist: Jesus! Cousin! Nice to see you again. I was just having my lunch. Would you care for a locust sandwich? There’s plenty.
Jesus: Uh . . . no thank you I’ve already eaten lunch. I stopped at Saul’s All You Can Eat House of Figs on the way here. I’m stuffed!
John the Baptist: Well how about some dessert then? I’ve got honey . . .
Jesus: Sure, but first I was wondering if I could get you to baptize me?
John the Baptist: What? No! Me baptize you? NO! Get out! You should be baptizing ME!
Jesus: No! You should be baptizing me.
John the Baptist: No you!
Jesus: No you!
John the Baptist: No you!
Jesus: No you!
John the Baptist: Okay okay, you win cousin Jesus! Just let me finish my sandwich first.
Well, John the Baptist must have done an extra good job at baptizing Jesus because as soon as Jesus came out of the water, the Heavens opened up and the Spirit of God came down like a dove and landed on Jesus and then a voice said, “This is my own dear Son, with whom I am pleased,“ which didn’t normally happen — if ever.
Right after that, The Dove lead Jesus into the desert to be tempted by the Devil. After 40 days and nights without food, Jesus was so hungry he wished he would have taken John the Baptist up on that locust sandwich.
Just about the time The Dove was starting to look pretty darned delicious, the Devil showed up and said:
“If you are God’s son, order these stones to turn into bread.”
To which Jesus replied that man cannot live on bread alone but needs every word that God speaks. (Plus Jesus didn’t really care that much for bread that was made from magically transformed stones. He always though they had a funny after taste.)
“Turn these stones into bread!”
“You mean up to and including the one I’m sitting on?”
But the devil had another trick up his red leotard. He whisked Jesus to the top of a temple in Jerusalem and told Jesus that if he threw himself off and the angels caught him, the devil would give him the deed to the world — all Jesus had to do was get down on his knees and worship him.
Hello? Could you be anymore obvious? Scholars believe Jesus might have thought just before blurting out, “Go away, Satan!
So the devil went to crawl back underneath the rock he had crawled out from under, but, by then, they were all loaves of bread.
And there you have it, Dear Reader, this week’s installment of the Bible According to Gregory.
Jesus composing himself after seeing what John the Baptist was wearing.
Until next time . . . I love you
ahaha! red leotard! you even have my Hubby, (who stuggles to find the bible the least bit interesting,) interested and laughing
Ah! That’s so nice to hear buckwheatrisk!
I love it when that happens! 
me too ;- )
From the major themes of this lesson, I’ve learned that Gregory should probably eat before Sunday School.
He sounds awfully hungry here…
Haha! Poor Gregory. I think he may have even tried to nibble on the cold play doh, but you know, it’s just not that filling!
ahahahahha! “Hello? Could you be any more obvious?” Linda, I don’t know how you do it but you continue to top yourself. The caption on the last picture made me spit the soda I was drinking at my computer screen! OMG!!! You’re killing me!
Oh Lisa!! I’m so glad I can make you laugh. You can’t believe how happy that makes me! Even if you do have to clean off your computer screen now! LOL!
Gee, that last caption reminded me of what my husband said when I came home with the new Holiday outfit.
LOL!!! Ronnie! Oh I want to see that outfit. You’ve got us all curious now. HA!
Another great bible rendering from Gregory! The last caption made me laugh out loud since John’s outfit leaves little to the imagination. Jesus looks flustered!
Jesus did look flustered. I think would be too. It looks like John the Baptist has no idea he’s dressed like a weirdo!
Jesus has so much good sense. I would’ve fallen for Satan’s trickery. It must be hard for Jesus to love everyone, even when they have bad taste in clothes and eat gross food.
Haha, Lily! I think even if you did fall for all of Satan’s tricks, you’d still get in to heaven because it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun without you!
you’re right, J does look as if he’s going to roll on the floor laughing.
Haha!!
Linda: Are you sure God didn’t say, “This is my beloved Son…Get him a towel?” Just askin’.
xx
Sooz
LOL!! Sooz! Now we will definitely have to write to the pope for a ruling! HA!!