When last we visited our Pottery Barn catalog, they were having an emergency. Sadly, Pottery Barn’s beloved family matriarch “Grams” had gone missing.
This is Grams — The Pottery Barn Family’s Beloved Matriarch
Pottery Barn’s Official Announcement
After looking everywhere including underneath the Valencia II Mahogany Sleigh Bed $599 ($150 savings!), Pottery Barn has completely given up their search for their beloved Grams and are no longer offering the $15.00 reward for her return –dead or whatever — so they can turn the full force of their attention back onto the more important matter of selling overpriced Christmas decor.
Pottery Barn is quick to point out, however, it’s not that they don’t dearly love Grams, it’s just that they don’t dearly love Grams all that much. (PB asks that you do not judge them.)
Okay that’s enough about Grams. Let’s see what Christmas Pottery Barn Catalog has to offer this year:
From its beaded snowflake tree-topper ($55), to its spectacularly quilted tree skirt ($55), Pottery Barn has chopped down this gorgeous Pine tree from The Pottery Barn Sustainable Forests in the prime of its life especially for the PB Catalog so that potential PB customers may feast their eyes upon it for approximately two and a half to three seconds. Pottery Barn was careful to ensure that only 1 (one) wood nymph was accidentally killed in the process (
But Pottery Barn doesn’t want you to think about that now, Pottery Barn wants you to look at this:
And now Pottery Barn is proud to present for the first time anywhere . . . drum roll please . . .
Nickel is the keyword here! Handcrafted out of nickle by the semi-skilled hands of nickle-over-minimum-wage PB Master Hand Crafters, The Commemorative Grams Ornament promises to bring Christmas drama to any tree, be it from the Pottery Barn Sustainable Forest or be it from some other lesser quality forest. At any rate, Pottery Barn thinks you’ll agree The Commemorative Grams Ornament meets every expectation. ($5,199 ea. or 6 for $7,599).
And finally, Pottery Barn is offering this Tivoli Coffee Table (delivery discount) with its fine mahogany finish:
Dear Readers, you will have to excuse Pottery Barn for skipping out on the end of this post as Pottery Barn has been called away on an emergency involving a little old lady — who PB has never seen before in its life — who may or may not be dangerous.
In any case, they are currently releasing the Pottery Barn Attack Dogs from their silver-plated, attacked-dog cages from the Raleigh Kennel Collection ($1,999) and regret having to leave so abruptly.
Until next time . . . Pottery Barn wants you to know that it loves you (as far as you know).