The Bible According to Gregory: Moses and The Brazen Serpent

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of the Bible according to Gregory. 

Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday School this morning shall we?  

Moses and the Brazen Serpent

One day while Moses was zig-zagging all over the wilderness trying to find a home for himself and the several hundred thousand Israelites who were following his every move Simon-says-style, he came to a detour in the road.

Naturally this got everyone all riled up because the detour meant they would have to go hundreds and hundreds of miles out of their way in order to get back on the path they were originally wandering aimlessly on.

Well this left a bad taste in everybody’s mouth!  People were hungry and tired.     Naturally everybody started whining and complaining to Moses about it.

” . . . there is no bread, neither is there any water; and our soul loatheth this light bread.”  (The Israelites were also starting to develop lisps). 

The light bread called manna (or sometimes manana bread) of which they spoke was supplied daily by the Lord free of charge.  When Moses tried to relay this fact to the multitudes, they simply switched complaints:

“Wherefore have ye brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness yadda yadda yadda.”

Maybe they didn’t realize that the Lord was listening to every word they were saying, and he was really getting teed offeth!  Then when the Lord heard somebody call his bread miserable, well that did it brother!

The Lord sent poisonous snakes among the people.  And a lot of ouching and oooching ensued–  which, of course, made the Israelites immediately rethink their kvetching.

Let’s see, they could either eat miserable bread morning, noon and night OR  they could get bitten by poisonous snakes 24/7.  Hmmm. . . what to pick . . . what to pick . . .  most everybody went with the miserable bread.

They ran up to Moses  and said, “We’ve thinned and we’ve thpoke against the Lord and against you, now pray to the Lord to take these therpents away. (They’re lisps were getting worse by the minute.)

So Moses prayed and God told Moses to make a therpent of brath  . . . oh great the Lord said now they had Him doing it . . . a serpent of brass, that is, and put it on a pole; and all who looked to the serpent should live.

So Moses made a snake of bronze. (He just happened to have his smelting tools and liquid bronze handy in case the Lord should ever change his mind about worshiping false idols.)

Moses attached the brass snake to a p0le  and everybody looked at and felt perfectly fine about five seconds later.

After that, all the people went back to gnawing on manana bread and wandering around in the wilderness and all was righteous with the world.

Not only did Moses cure the snake bites, he also managed to  inadvertently invent the question mark in the process. That Moses!!