Hello Dear Readers and welcome to Fish if From the Archives Friday at the blog! This is where I trot out old posts I’ve written and try to pass them off as new. Today the “Joes” are going to teach us how to make Scientific Salad Dressing. Hope you’re up for a little lesson, Dear Readers! And good news, because it’s Friday, there will not be a test!
Today Dear Readers, I have a special treat in store for you!
I managed to track down a group of elusive scientists and talk them into showing us how to make oil and vinegar salad dressing the scientific way:
First, let’s meet The Scientists:
“Hi! My name’s Joe.”
“Hi! My name’s Joe too.”
“Hi! My name’s Joe but people call me Joe!”
“Hi I’m Joe and I’m about as Joe as it gets.”
Let’s take a minute to give our Salad Dressing Scientists a round of applause!
And now . . .how to prepare Oil and Vinegar Salad Dressing the Scientific Way!
Step One: Reconfigure your kitchen refrigerator so that the reciprocating compressors are working to maximum capacity.
Uh oh! Watch your step there Joe!
Oh sure it sounds like a lot of work, but really all you have to do is climb up in your kitchen attic (every kitchen has one) and disassemble the compressor. Vacuum the dehydration system and viola! Accessible Hermetic Compressors! Who knew it would be so simple!
Step Two: Stick an olive on the end of a lead pipe.
That’s right! Just like that!
This will give “slow” Joe (the Joe that’s always getting in everybody’s way) something to do while the other Joe’s continue to prepare the scientific salad dressing. (Slow Joe LOVES eating olives off lead pipes.)
Step Three: Adjust the Atmospheric Pressure Valves according to the atmospheric Pressure, PSIA.
OK, this is kind of a pain, but really it’s simply a matter of finding your kitchen’s cellar (every kitchen has one) and going down there and adjusting the knobs until the calibration level is 11.336.847.11111.0000.1.2.2.f.3.4.
If Joe can do it so can you! Oh and don’t forget to wear rubber gloves!
Step Four: Take one large Baskin Robbins container, eat all the ice cream out of it, then fill with oil and pour onto the Refrigeration Compressor
Do it this way like Joe is only don’t get it all over the place like Joe always does. Joe’s whole house smells like an oily rag!
Step Five: Stick another olive on a lead pipe and hand it to “slow” Joe as by now he has probably figured out how to put the last one into his mouth.
Poor guy is addicted to these things!
Step Six: Go to Costco and buy two restaurant sized jars of pickles, eat all the pickles out of each and pour oil in one and vinegar in the other. (Be sure to remove the finely divided carbon so as not to restrict oil flow, but that goes without saying, of course!)
Make sure the liquid in both containers is Even Steven.
Step Seven: Pour a little out of both jars onto some lettuce making sure to strain out soluble or entrained metal salts and oxides.
This is a critical step in which everything could go horribly wrong due to low-side pressure in the evaporator — but as long as there is no drop in pressure in the suction line everything should taste pretty darned delicious!
Step Eight: Have Head Honcho Joe give it a taste test!
Uh oh! Head Honcho Joe isn’t pleased with the consistency and, unfortunately, it’s far too late to do anything about that!
Step Nine: Draw Head Honcho Joe a scientific diagram of just exactly what went wrong with the scientific salad dressing, scientifically.
This will explain everything.
Step Ten: Offer Head Honcho Joe an olive on a lead pipe and keep feeding them to him until he ingests so much lead he can’t tell a Critical Property of Refrigerant from a Pressure-Temperature Refrigerant! HA!
Mmmmmm . . . .me really starting to likee these things says Head Honcho Joe!
And there you have it, Dear Reader. How to make scientific salad dressing Ten Simple Steps!
Until next time . . . I love you
I think i would just go to Costco and buy my dressing…
oh and btw if you don’t want anyone to know this has been blogged before, it’s a good idea not to tell us that! LOL
*snapping fingers* Why didn’t I think of that? Costco eh? I’ll have to tell “the Joes” about that one!
ahaha!
The scientific way is a hoot!
So glad you enjoyed “the Joes” take on cooking, Ronnie! One of these days I’ll see if I can get them to do some baking for us!
Hi,
Oh yes you have watch out for that drop in pressure, the consequences are horrific.
These guys know what they are talking about.
Ha ha! I definitely concur! These guys definitely know what they talking about!
Now, I know what went wrong all those times!
Haha! You were probably consulting a cookbook instead of a refrigeration manual. It’s a common mistake.
I made a great egg salad yesterday when I put two eggs in water on the stove and forgot about them. Once the water boiled dry they exploded and I had to sweep my salad off the roof. Pretty nifty
LOL! Dianne! I hate when that happens! I have been guilty of that too! It’s so maddening having to clean up something like that!
One time I left some hotdogs boiling on the stove then gave my daughter a ride to the movies. Halfway home I remembered the hotdogs. I sped all the way home (risking a serious speeding ticket), ran into the kitchen and the hotdogs were boiling away, just fine and dandy. HA! I don’t usually luck out like that!
I think we both need to hire “the Joes” to help us out in the kitchen!
Simple is right!! I’m gonna go whip some up right now!!! Thanks, Linda, for this easy recipe!
Oh your welcome, Lisa! From now on it’s goodbye Martha Stewart and Hello Joes!
One day, Slow Joe is going to snap out of his lead and olive induced torpor and make a salad dressing that is kept chilled with holographic refrigeration.
And you can bet your allen key on that!
I’m glad you believe in Slow Joe. He appreciates your sopport.
Their salad dressing stinks, but I bet they’d be great at making Sloppy Joes… : P
A truly inspired and very funny idea from the Vernon kitchen!! : )
LOLOL!! Sloppy Joes!! All those Joes and not once did Sloppy Joes ever occur to me. Hahaha! And I know what you mean about the salad dressing stinking . . . but I remain hopeful that the Joes will figure it out in Part II when they attempt Sloppy Joes. (I’m stealing your idea bwahahaha! Thank you!!)
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