Hello Dear Readers! It’s Monday morning and what better time to sneak up behind the scientists to find out what they are thinking about! Won’t you join me?
Solar System Habitable Zone Redefined
In an effort to find something to occupy them until lunch, Ravi Kopparapu and an undisclosed amount of scientific researchers at Penn State University decided to redefine the official definition of a Habitable Planet zone which they were ecstatic to discover hadn’t been updated since 1993!
“Those habitable zones have not been updated in the last 20 years,” Ravi Kopparapu was quoted as saying after wearing out his eraser as well as those of his colleagues doing the math to find out how many years it had been.
Unfortunately, after making up the new definition of a Habitable Planet Zone, Ravie Kopparapu and his scientific team of researchers were inconsolable having found out that Earth is no longer smack dab in the middle of a habitable zone-; but according to the new definition they came up with – is now too hot to support life of any kind.
“The fact that the earth is robustly life friendly is probably because neither definition accounts for clouds.” The Penn State scientific researchers hastily concluded after looking at the clock and realizing they should have gone to lunch five minutes ago.
Scientists Say ‘extinction not always a bad thing’
Employees at the Natural History Museum have come to the conclusion that the total extinction of 99 percent of the species that have ever lived on the planet earth is really a blessing in disguise and are taking their sweet time putting together an exhibit that will feature extinct animals.
The exhibit will attempt to show how rather than being destructive, extinction can help to increase biodiversity by making room for a new species!
For instance, the extinction of the giant Irish elk around 11,000 years ago has been credited with benefiting the population of a smaller, rival species of elk which are not only tastier, but are also far less scary for hunters to shoot and kill.
The exhibit will also feature the most scientifically accurate model of the Auk, the flightless, penguin-like bird which was hunted to extinction in the mid-19th century — which, they admit, is quite sad, but if the Auk had never gone extinct, several job openings at the Museum of Natural History for Professional Extinct-Bird Replicators would have never come into existence.
Roman Toilet Paper Mistaken for Toys
British researchers who like to hang out at the British Museum are laughing –many for the very first time!
It seems Dr. Robert Symmons, curator of the Fishborne Roman Palace in West Sussex has announced that ceramic disks, once identified as gaming pieces that British Museum curators liked to fool around with on their lunch hours — were not gaming pieces at all — but, instead, were used by ancient Romans as toilet paper.
“Despite the rounded edges, the disks would have been uncomfortable by modern standards,” Dr. Robert Symmons ascertained — possibly after consulting with the world’s most highly regarded toilet paper expert, Mr. Whipple.
Amid an unprecedented amount of giggling at the British Museum, Dr. Robert Symmons went on to further ascertain that Romans often inscribed the names of people they did not like on the disks before using them.
When asked why the particular disk Dr. Robert Symmons was holding (while wearing his new latex gloves!) had the name of Dr. Robert Symmons inscribed on it, Dr. Robert Symmons went on to further ascertain even further than he had previously ascertained — that this was merely a really big coincidence.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, a glimpse into the minds of our scientific community! Hopefully this will hold us over for awhile anyway!
Until next time . . . I love you