Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s Edition of the Bible According to Gregory. Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday school this morning shall we?
In biblical days, everybody’s dream job was getting to tend sheep. It was an easy job that didn’t require a lot of equipment except a stick called a staff, and a sturdy pair of sandals that didn’t give you blisters. The only downside being that sheep never took a break from wandering, so the hours weren’t very good.
When Moses got married his father-in-law, Jethro brought Moses into the family sheep-tending business, Jethro’s Sheep Trackers (They Never Pull the Wool Over Our Eyes) and was given a flock of sheep to tend at their main location in the desert.
One day, Moses decided to lead his flock of sheep over to a mountain called Horeb, which was also known as the mountain of god, just for kicks and giggles.
As Moses approached the mountain he saw a burning bush, but wasn’t sure it was actually burning
While Moses was trying to decide whether the burning bush would roast a marshmallow or not, he heard the voice of God call out to him.
Moses quickly put the marshmallow back in his pocket as he knew God had a lot of laws, and he wasn’t sure what His current marshmallow law was.
“Don’t come any closer.” God said, ” Take off your sandals for the ground on which you are now standing is holy ground.”
The Lord told Moses that He would like him to go to Egypt and tell the Pharaoh that he, Moses, had been chosen out of a hat by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into the Promise land.
Now the Promise Land was not only quite spacious but also flowed with milk and honey which was the equivalent of having everything made out of Snickers candy bars by today’s Promise Land standards.
When Moses tried to explain to God that the he wasn’t a very important person, and that he wouldn’t even have his sheep tending job if it weren’t for his father-in-law, God’s answered, “I’ll be with you.”
Moses: Yeah but what if nobody believes me. How am I supposed to tell the people who you are.
God: Tell them, I AM WHO AM.
Moses: You mean tell them “I AM WHO I AM?”
God: No just “I AM WHO AM”
Moses: You’re sure you don’t want me to tell them, I AM WHO I AM?
God: No that’s too pretentious. Besides, I AM WHO AM is my actual legal name.
God. And Moses?
God: That’s my name. Don’t wear it out.
But Moses was still a little shaky on the details of God’s Un-enslaving the Hebrews Plan until God told Moses to throw down his staff which he did, and it turned into a writhing, wriggling slimy, evil, ugly, humongous snake which convinced Moses that God’s plan just might work at that — until God mentioned the part where Moses would have to make a speech to the Pharaoh.
Moses: A speech! I’m not making a speech. No way! I am not doing any public speaking! Not even You can make me do that!
God: Look all you have to say is “I AM sent me to you.”
Moses: But that’s a grammatically awkward sentence — it won’t make any sense.
God: Well what if you said, “The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Issac, the God of Jacob has sent you.”
Moses: Nope! I’m not making a speech.
God: Alright . . . well . . . I know! What if I created Toastmasters and you could attend for like a year before giving your speech to the Pharaoh. I’ll tell you everything to say!
But Moses flat out refused and didn’t acquiesce until God promised Moses He would make his brother, Aaron, do all the public speaking.
Be sure to check back for next’s week’s story, The Ten Plagues — when God is forced to Implement Plan B for Un-enslaving the Hebrews!
Until next time . . . I love you
Photo credits: Attributed to Dierick Bouts the Elder, Netherlandish from Wiki