Hello Dear Readers! And here we are stranded on the isle of Monday once again! Let’s take a few minutes out of our busy Monday to peer into the levers and pulleys the comprise the thinking apparatuses of our beloved scientists and researchers! Come join me, won’t you?
Seti Focuses Efforts on Listening to Known Exo-Planets
Seti, a group of researchers who live more by the story Horton Hears a Who than any other branch of the scientific community, have recently decided to point their telescopes at 86 stars that are known to have planets.
Up until now, the researchers at Seti, all with PhD’s in Listening Closely, were taking turns playing “spin the telescope” to decide which direction they should listen in. Unfortunately, aside from one shotgun wedding, this method yielded no results.
“The big challenge with these kinds of observations is to rule out the false positives generated on Earth,” Jill Tarter, Seti VIP was quoted as saying after getting her hopes up last winter over what she thought was an intelligent signal from out there, but was later identified as a Portuguese broadcast of I Dream of Jeannie by one of the members of the Seti janitorial team.
Keeping Dead Languages Alive Is Easy, It’s Finding People to Talk to That’s the Rub.
Researchers, whose jobs it is to sit around and pin dates on things that will happen in the future, have recently decided that by the year 2100, the mankind will have lost half the languages that now spoken.
Luckily, in California, Eureka High School has launched a program to keep alive the Native-American language, Yurok, which was down to only six native speakers in 1990, and today, thanks to the schools efforts, there are now over 300 high school kids who speak Yurok.
“Now it’s just a matter of locating the only six people on earth who can understand them,” the Eureka High School principal was quoted as saying after loading up the rooter bus with 300 fluent Yurok speakers and heading off to the casino.
Felix Baumgartner Fell Faster Than Originally Thought
With a name like Felix Baumgartner, Felix Baumgartner felt compelled to do something spectacular on behalf of all the other Felix Baumgartners of the world which is why last October, he ascended to a height of more than 120,000 feet in a special helium balloon before stepping off and plummeting back down to earth.
Since then, Mathematicians have been burning up their Texas Instrument calculators in an effort to figure out exactly how fast Felix Baumgartner was actually falling.
As a result, the original figure of 843.6 miles an hour has been upgraded to ten miles an hour faster — causing the clouds through which Felix Baumgartner was falling to be remembered even blurrier in his mind’s eye than he was previously remembering them to be.
Researchers say the lessons learned from the jump will inform the development of new ideas for emergency evacuation from things like spacecraft, experimental aircraft and the Empire State Building.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, today’s foray into the minds of our scientific community!
Until next time . . . I love you