1967 Foods of the Cold War


Hello Dear Readers! Once again it’s time to stumble down memory lane via the pages of this vintage cookbook which was written during the height of the cold war.  (Not to be confused with the height of the cold cut.)

Linda Vernon Humor Cookbook from the Cold War

This cookbook was written during the height of the cold war.  The cold war was a war that was waged by the U.S. and the U.S.S.R.  Each side made a lot of atomic bombs and then pretended they were going to blow each other up.  Spies figured prominently in the cold war.  Their jobs were to wonder around the world with tiny cameras taking pictures of people who didn’t know they were getting their pictures taken to find out who was going to threaten whom next.  Everybody was sad when the cold war ended because movies about spies got a lot suckier after that.

Below is a dish that  is innocently called Cucumber Tongue Pie; but if you were a cold war spy, and you were served this dish, you’d know right away the server was actually saying:

Ve Have Vays of Making You Talk Casserole!

cucumber tongue pie funny food Linda Vernon Humor

“. . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . “

I know it seems cruel and inhumane from today’s standpoint, but during the cold war, both sides actually practiced this horrendous casserole form of torture.  Spies had to spill the beans or eat the entire stomach-turning entree.  Did this form of torture work?  Well, let’s just say not a single bean went unspilled.

Next we have a dish you’re sure to get a bang out of.  It’s called jeweled chicken to us laymen.  But any spy worth his weight in invisible ink during the cold war would have known immediately upon being served this dish that his days were numbered (maybe even his minutes) because in the spy world, this dish was really called:

Which Spy Will Die Russian Roulette Fry

Secret Spy Recipes from 1967 Linda Vernon Humor

Round and round and round she goes and where she stops nobody knows!

No other dish could make the cold war spy’s blood run cold faster than a platter of “Which Spy Will Die Russian Roulette Fry.”  This entree would be placed in the middle of the banquet table and then given a good spin by either John F. Kennedy or Nikita Khrushchev and whomever had a chicken leg pointing at them when it stopped spinning would be eliminated poi-manently!

And, finally, Dear Readers, the following dish was the dish to end all dishes, and had  world leaders shaking in their cold war boots — praying that it would never be served. Civilians such as you and I would have known this dish simply by it’s innocent name, Chicken-in-Omelet Pinwheel. But to the cold war powers that be it could mean only one thing:

The Mushroom Cloud Duck and Cover Roll

The mushroom duck and cover roll Linda Vernon Humor

“OMG! Noooo! Please tell us those aren’t six mushroom clouds signaling the annihilation of all six continents (if you count north and south America as one continent) with California breaking off into the sea?”
“Yes it does signal exactly that!”
“We told you not to tell us that.”
“Sorry we couldn’t help ourselves because we hate the United States of America!”
“Who cares, we hate the Soviet Union more!”

We can only breath a sigh of relief, Dear Readers, that such a dish was never served to the Cold War Players.  Not only would it have meant the end of the world as they knew it, it would have also meant that somebody might have had to actually take a bite out of it.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little stumble back in time via vintage cookbooks of yore.

Until next time . . . I love you

41 thoughts on “1967 Foods of the Cold War

  1. Another great one, Linda! I took the liberty of stealing it for my site. I’ll send you the royalty check later…(hehe).

    Skip

      • Just love your stuff, lady! Great personality, humor, looks, and most of all, straight teeth!

        Does that mean that if someone speaks with a lisp, they have “gay” teeth rather than straight? (that’s awful…sorry!).

        Take it easy,
        Skip

  2. I am serving up some good old Russian Roulette Fry this very evening. I wonder which of us will get the axe. We eat at a square table, so I think two of us will be posthomous post-dinner. I hope I am not one of the two. (Oh, goodness. That means it’s either my son and I or my husband and daughter…. well, better them than me, right?)

  3. Linda, you really brighten my day! That casserole sounds bloody horrendous!!! I take you’re a fan of ‘Dr Strangelove’? ;) I think you’ve got the right sense of humour! :)

    • So glad you enjoyed this Katie. I gotta say, I’ve never watched even one episode of Dr. Stranglelove though I’ve heard so much about it. I have a feeling I’ve got a real treat in store for me — I wonder if they’re on Netflix. (Do you have Netflix over there?)

      • Ooh, yes you should download it. The movie is a bit of an acquired taste, but if you like Stanley Kubrick and dark humour (!) then I’m sure it’s worth a watch. :) Yes, Netflix has made it over here but I don’t use it. I’m a sucker for buying hard copies of things. :)

        • I know what you mean. I love owning my favorite movies and tv shows just like I like owning my favorite books. That’s why I think books will never be totally replaced by e-books. At least I hope not!

  4. OMG, Linda, I actually needed a few days to recover from this one. I’ve read it twice now with tears in my eyes. It’s comedy gold! “Which Spy will Die Russian Roulette Fry” The idea of that plate spinning and a chicken leg pointing in Kennedy’s direction…LOLOL!!!
    This may be in my top 5 Linda Vernon posts of all time. :D

    • OMG! Really?? Oh that makes my day to read that Lisa!! I am so glad you enjoyed it. I had to go back and read it myself after your wonderful comment. Hey it was pretty good wasn’t it? Hahahaha! Thank you so much for being so you!! You are the best, dear Lisa!!! :D

  5. In 1967 I was a college sophomore. Let me tell you, some of the stuff we were fed in the dining hall could have been considered weapons of mass destruction!

    • Hahahaha! Well maybe we were too harsh on Georgey Boy for not finding the weapons of mass destruction. Here they were probably in the Iraq cafeteria the whole time! LOL! :D

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