Oh dear me, Dear Readers! It seems our hard-working scientists just never take any time off when it comes to thinking stuff up. Let’s take a look at what they are thinking about now, shall we?
Duck Successfully Fathers Chicken
After getting hungry for lunch, veterinary researchers in a laboratory in Dubai, thought it would be
delicious a good idea to create their version of the mythical culinary animal known as a Turducken, which is a duck that is stuffed inside a chicken that is stuffed inside a turkey.
The Dubai Researchers simply injected a chicken’s DNA into the reproductive organs of a male duck embryo and Viola! Turducken! A male duck that produces chicken sperm. “This is one lucky duck! One Dubai researcher exclaimed. “He can party hardy and never have to worry about a paternity suit,” the Dubai researcher stopped just short of saying.
The researchers claimed their original goal for scientifically messing around with ducks and chickens was to genetically modify chickens to produce more fertile hens, but when researchers started counting how many chickens there already were, they quit at 50 billion — partly due to the fact that chickens are annoying to count and partly due to the fact that the researchers couldn’t agree on what number came after 50 billion.
Researchers have decided, instead, to use their new-found Turducken skills to propagate endangered species and bring back extinct species which, of course, is the standard fallback goal of all scientific research.
Melting Glaciers Reveal Pre-Vikings Were Litter-ers.
A glacier that is melting in Norway due to global warming — has unveiled a tunic, a mitten, a Bronze Age leather shoe and a variety of ancient bows and arrows strewn about haphazardly — with nary an ancient waste receptacle in sight.
A greenish-brown, loose-fitting tunic (carbon dated at year 300) was uncovered –which researchers think would have fit a person 5 feet 9 inches tall – and would have been the equivalent of today’s little black dress. Researchers went on to agree the tunic would have been suitable attire for most ancient social engagements though perhaps a little too formal for casual, human-sacrifice Friday.
“It’s worrying that the glaciers are melting due to global warming, but it’s still exciting for us Archeologists!” Lars Piloe, a Danish archaeologist, enthused while stifling the urge and jump up and down and scream hallelujah!
Scientists believe the shrinkage of the glaciers is due to global warming caused from people burning way too many fossil fuels and from people just not giving a rip about the earth. Researchers are scratching their heads, however, as to the cause of global warming in the year 300 — when the glaciers were apparently as thin as they are now, but people weren’t burning nearly as many fossil fuels, although it is widely accepted by the scientific community that people didn’t give a rip about the earth then either.
Buzz Aldrin’s second-by-second account as Neil Armstrong piloted the Lunar Module Eagle towards the moon in 1969 are due to go on sale. Some of the highlights of his entries are purported to be:
- Maybe it’s my imagination, but I swear I smell Limburger cheese.
- @$%!@#X! Just realized we forgot the Tang!
- Ha ha! Just thought of something! The guy who will be taking One Giant Step for Mankind’s name is Kneel.
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Until next time . . . I love you