In Praise of Dwell Magazine


Dwell Magazine satire, Linda Vernon Humor

Dear Dwell Magazine Editorial Staff,

Over the past couple of years, my wife, Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xavier, have become avid Dwell Magazine readers.   Not only do we totally approve of  the urban-contemporaneity; but also, we just go gaga over the pictures.

I have attached a  photograph of Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xavier, and our adorable baby, Tylenol Cold and Sinus®, relaxing in our Dwell Magazine inspired contemporary home environment.

family living minimalistically

“Honey where’s that can of Cream of Mushroom soup?”
“I threw it away!”
“But why?”
 Because we’re minimalists, Victoria Splendoria, minimalists! That can of soup was cluttering up the cupboards!”
“But I’m hungry! And so is Tylenol Cold and Sinus® !”
“Oh for goshsakes!   Quit your bellyaching and come and  enjoy the minimalism with me and little Tylenol Cold and Sinus®!

Victoria Splendoria and myself, P. Donald Xavier, just love to sit outside the printing press where Dwell magazine is published every month so that we can be the first ones to get our copy hot off the presses! And we just can’t wait to return to our minimal living room to curl up and enjoy each and every issue with our imaginary espresso.

Victoria Splendoria and myself, P. Donald Xarvier often fight over who gets the cement slab and who gets the wire stool to sit on while we take turns thumbing through the minimalism.

Victoria Splendoria and myself, P. Donald Xarvier, often fight over who gets the cement slab and who gets the wire stool, while we take turns thumbing through Dwell Magazine. It’s so funny!  You should see us.  Sometimes we even laugh, not out loud, of course, but in our minds!

We’ve recently re-designed our bathroom more in keeping with the  minimalistic lifestyle as dictated within the pages of Dwell Magazine.  I think you’ll love what we’ve done.  Here’s a picture:

Linda Vernon Humor satire dwell magazine

“Honey, where are the towels?”
“I threw them away!”
“But why?”
“Because they were taking up too much space.”
“Honey?”
“What?”
“Where’s the toilet.”
“I threw it away.”
“Why?”
“It was cluttering up the bathroom and ruining the minimalism.  Just go to the gas station.”

Anyway, Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xaxier and our adorable baby, Tylenol Cold and Sinus®, would like to thank, you, the editors of Dwell Magazine, from the bottom our hearts for teaching us that throwing away everything we own, sitting on hard surfaces and staring into space is the secret to making it feel as though maybe we are living a long and happy life!

Ambitiously, resourcefully and counter-conventional-edgily yours,

P. Donald Xavier, Victoria Splendoria and adorable Tylenol Cold and Sinus®

* * *

Until next time  . . . I love you

36 thoughts on “In Praise of Dwell Magazine

  1. Dear Linda,
    How can I subscribe to Dwell Magazine? Our house is so cluttered you have to turn sideways to worm between all the “collectables.” I know my wife would just love sitting on a hard piece of concrete staring mindlessly into space–that’s if the medication and straightjacket holds up.

  2. I’m glad they go over each issue so carefully, since they probably don’t keep the back issues.
    Too cluttersome.

    But I wonder if they are in fact hypocrites.
    Seems like an asful lot of clothes they’re wearing…

  3. Linda, Linda, Linda. You have an astounding grasp on the concept of minimalism, including the minimalism of love, joy, happiness, and compromise. I love how P. Donald is laughing at Victoria Splendoria as she searches– fruitlessly– for the cream of mushroom soup. Dire dwelling, indeed.

    • Thanks Undercover! Nothing is closer to my heart than delving into Dwell Magazine to see what makes its readers tick! Except maybe for Pottery Barn Catalogs Hey!! wouldn’t that be interesting to see what would happen if you crossed a Pottery Barn Catalog with a copy of Dwell Magazine . . .

      • Hopefully loan applications because NO ONE would be able to afford the sparse furniture. You know, I can make that wire bench out of a bunch of rusty chicken wire and tree stands that I have stored in my yard. They will come complete with tetanus shots because… you know… rusty wires and all.

  4. A house should be a place to hang your hat. But it can’t be a house with hats or hangers. It’s the paradox at the heart of modern living.

    • It is! I guess it goes along nicely with the paradox that you have to spend most of your spare time posting pictures online of how much fun you are having in your spare time.

  5. Oh Linda! This is genius! You nailed it. Dwell magazine scares me. It might as well be called prison or purgatory. That wire stool and concrete bit made me lol! Omg, this was hysterical. :D

    • I’m so glad you liked it Lisa. Somebody had to say something. They have to be stopped from scaring people LOL!! It does look like somewhere you would have to go to be punished! In fact, you could easily get killed in a house like that! Ha! :D

    • Benze! LOL!! You need to invent some paper clothes designed for Dwell Magazine readers. Hey! I know. Since Dwell Magazine is the only thing they allow in their houses, they could make all their clothes out of old issues! HA!

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