Dear Readers! Here’s some shenanigans from around the world gleaned from various places around the Internet®algore. These true news items have been either slightly altered, drastically changed or completely and utterly falsified to make it more fun.
The World’s Lamest Zoo
When the lion at the Henan Province Zoo in China was sent away to a breeding center, zoo keepers got a great idea!
They took a Tibetan Mastiff, owned by one of the workers, fluffed up his fur with massive amounts of hair gel — then blew it dry with China’s only un-exported, hand-held hairdryer.
All that was left to do was slap a sign on its cage that said “Africa Lion” and open the zoo up for business as usual.
As luck would have it, shortly thereafter, a conscientious mother of one visited the zoo with her son for the express purpose of teaching him what sounds animals make.
When the lion started barking, the mother was almost as outraged as the little boy was confused. When the mother complained, the zoo keepers said they had to pass the dog off as an African Lion for “safety concerns.”
Either way, they will all be executed at dawn.
Glow in the Dark Bunnies
Bored with pulling the wings off flies and tying tin cans to the tails of cats, a group of scientists led by Dr. Stefan ‘Lenny’ Moisyadi, a biogenesis researcher based in Turkey, decided to clone a colony of rabbits that glow bright green in the dark.
“And on top of it, their fur is beginning to grow and the greenness is shining right there in the fur, it’s so intense!” Moisyadi is actually quoted as saying.
By making rabbits that glow green in the dark, Dr. Moisyadi is attempting to advance medical research to develop treatments for life-threatening illnesses such as Shimmering Measles, Tuber-I-see-you-culosis and Kermit the Frog’s Disease.
Dr. Moisyadi stressed that the rabbits are not affected by the fluorescent protein and will have the same life span as other rabbits.
“Being fluorescent at night, during prime hunting hours, has nothing whatsoever to do with the length of their lifespan,” Dr. Moisyadi didn’t go on to say as he was too busy pinching puppies.
Is that you God? It’s me, Fresno
People in the town of Fresno, California have started to gather around a Crepe Myrtle tree after sharp-eyed parishioner, Maria Ybarra, first reported drops of liquid falling from it and naturally assumed it to be God manifesting himself in Fresno. As news of this miracle spread, many people began gathering around the tree to pray.
Fresno arborist, Jon ‘Get Real’ Reelhorn, however, believes the explanation for the drops falling from the tree is tree lice excrement.
A rabbi, a priest and a minister have been called in to determine if God is manifesting himself in Fresno in the Crepe Myrtle tree in the form of tree lice excrement.
Texting and Driving While Asleep
Concerned friends of a New Zealand woman notified the authorities when the woman kept turning up at their houses, sound asleep, after having driven hundreds of miles to their homes — all the while sending them incoherent text messages along the way.
“While her being found safe and well is a relief for everyone involved, the potential for tragedy was huge.” Senior Sergeant Dave Litton said.
Police are looking into whether the woman was really asleep by trying to determine if the incoherent text messages were due to slumber – or if they were simply the result of her being an over-age-55 texter. They don’t expect the case to be solved any time soon.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, Shenanigans from Around the
Until next time . . . I love you