Welcome Dear Readers! Let’s get right down to nuts and bolts and dive into the world of the slightly-creepy seventies by taking a few pages out of this 1970 Pillsbury Money Saving Meals Cookbook to look at, make fun of, and then burn — for the betterment of future generations.
Slightly-creepy 70′s money-saving Breakfast
Here’s what the slightly-creepy 70′s suggest you eat for a “nutritious” (yes they are actually using that word) breakfast!
1) Start out with a ”bowl of cereal with a big scoop of ice cream.” Well that goes with saying.
2) From there, you move on to the “fruit kabobs” with marshmallows in them because in the slightly-creepy 70′s, marshmallows not only made up the foundation of the food pyramid; they also made up the road leading to it.
3) Once you determine whether the fruit kabobs are going to “stay down” (or not) move on to the “French Toast Cheese Sandwich with preserves”. Because, in the slightly-creepy 70′s, nothing reeked of money-saving nutrition like a French Toast Cheese Sandwich with watery jam on top!
4) Now that your appetite has been thoroughly whetted slightly-creepy 70′s style, you’re going to want to move on to “toasted pound cake or any leftover cake sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon” because cake on its own in those days just wasn’t sweet enough to induce a proper sugar-coma.
5) Okay, next you’re going to want to eat the “ham sandwich.” I’m kind of disappointed it doesn’t say “Momma Cass Ham Sandwich”, but then you can’t have everything, can you?
6) And rounding out the perfect slightly-creepy 70′s nutritious breakfast is “a cup of hot tomato soup.” But of course! Duh! Tell us something we don’t know, slightly-creepy 70′s!
Now we’ll move on to a slightly-creepy 70′s, money-saving lunch:
Hey! Who doesn’t want a great, big, huge, giant spoonful of the Beef ‘N Bean Biscuit Bake! Or two –if that’s what it takes to prevent you from having any room left for the slightly-creepy, seventies, Cabbage-Slaw Jello! But luckily, after that big super-sugary, coma-inducing breakfast, chances are you wont be hungry for lunch anyway.
And now it’s time for your Slightly-Creepy Seventies Money-Saving Super-Sneaky Supper!
The slightly-creepy 70′s cookbook describes this as a “Spicy Glazed Luncheon Loaf” which was a just fancy, slightly-creepy 70′s way of saying ham.
And nobody in the slightly-creepy seventies would have ever guessed in their widest dreams there was a letter “SP” in front of that ham. Nobody!
But then again nobody was probably awake yet from their slightly-creepy 70′s sugar breakfast comas.
So please promise, Dear Readers, that when they invent a time machine and you find yourself in the 1970′s, don’t tell them it’s not ham. You’d just mess up the 70′s timeline continuum, and all of our slightly-creepy 70′s cook books would disappear — and then where would we be?
Until next time . . . I love you