Researchers at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business believe you will be as surprised as they were to find out that not all actions to undo a jinx are equally effective. In a scientific comparison of knocking on wood, spitting and throwing salt, the trying-to-look-busy researchers concluded:
“We find that avoidant actions that exert force away from one’s representation of self are especially effective for reducing the anticipated negative consequences following a jinx,” a researcher who thought he might get in a car accident on the way home from work concluded — shortly before being fired for knocking on the wooden head of the Dean of the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, spitting on him and then throwing salt in his face.
Hey, Grandpa is That You?
In an ongoing effort to keep making an income off the body of 6,000 year-old Otzi the Iceman, a team of researchers from Innsbruck Medical University have been making the rent each month after coming up with yet another idea for an Otzi research project.
This time researchers have been combing the countryside collecting DNA to see if any of the people living near the area where Otzi was found by tourists underneath a melted glacier — along with his bow and arrow and a crudely fashioned satchel – can be genetically linked to the back to him.
Well, researchers were amazed to find 19 people whose DNA can indeed be linked to the Iceman, and who apparently haven’t moved out of the area for 6,000 years. Researchers are keeping the DNA findings a secret from the donors themselves for fear they will decide they want their bow and arrow and crudely fashioned satchel back.
Can I Quit Looking Up Now?
A team of researchers from the Swiss Ornithological Institute who were handpicked for their ability to look up for long periods of time without getting kinks in their necks have discovered that the Alpine Swift can maintain continuous flight for six months.
Ten minutes into the study, however, researchers realized it would be easier to attach tiny electronic tags to birds that allowed the researchers to know what the birds were doing every four minutes — causing the study to become one of the most tedious undertakings in the history of mankind notwithstanding the actual establishment of ornithology itself.
However, what the researchers eventually concluded astounded them. Once the Alpine Swifts got to Africa they stayed in the air the entire time — never landing once. ”We knew they didn’t like Africa much, but this is ridiculous!” One researcher wasn’t quoted as saying but wishes he would have been.
And there you have it, Dear Readers! This week’s update on what the Scientists are thinking about!
Until next time . . . I love you