Gregory’s Bible Stories: The Great King of Sodom Camel Mix-up


Welcome, Dear Readers, to this Sunday’s edition of Gregory’s bible stories. 

In today’s Sunday school lesson, Gregory learned about how Abram gave away the spoils of war to the King of Sodom.   He couldn’t help imagining how it all might have happened. 

 

LInda Vernon humoous bible storiesThe Great King of Sodom Camel Mix-up

 

As you will remember from the last lesson, Abram (God’s new best friend after Noah died) had just rescued his nephew, Lot,  from five evil kings with unpronounceable names who had kidnapped Lot and held him captive at Chedorlaomer. (Pronounced -Chedder-lame-o – named after a biblical tribe of people who were horrible at making cheese.)

King of Sodom, the Camel

Then everybody went back to Abram’s place and they held a big celebration with the King of Sodom and the King of Salem.  The king of Salem later went on to have a cigarette named after him and, it is rumored, that the King of Sodom later went on to have a camel named after him.

The Feast

The King of Salem was also a priest of The God Most High, so when everyone had finished feasting on goat hotcakes and were sitting around smoking Salem’s cigarettes, they all started yelling “Speech! Speech!” because in biblical days listening to speeches was on everybody’s bucket list, even God’s.

The King of Salem whose name was Melchizedek (Mel) took the floor:

Mel:  Abram, may The God Most High who made heaven and earth bless you!  Be praised, Abram,  because you gave us victories over all our enemies and as a token of our appreciation we are giving you some–

Abram:  Goat hotcakes?

Mel:  No I was gonna say some bread and wine.

Abram:  Does the bread at least come with syrup?

Mel: Sorry no.

Abram:  Now wait a minute here, Mel.  After going to war and defeating five kings for you and your wives and your slaves and managing to save every one of your asses, this is the thanks I get from The God Most High?

Mel:  Apparently.   But let me double-check my  Excel Spread Stone.  Let’s see . . . yup  It says the standard reward for defeating five kings is Bread and Wine.  The standard reward for defeating four kings is Goat Hotcakes.

Abram:  I’ll take a downgrade then.

Mel:  You can’t take a downgrade!  Nobody ever takes a downgrade!

Abram:  Yeah, well I’m Abram, and I’m best friends with the Manager, The God Most High.

Mel:  Well why didn’t you say so in the first place?  Just let me run it by my supervisor first.

Abram:  Who’s that?

Mel:  The God Most Medium.

Mel walks to a corner of the tent, closes his eyes for a few minutes and then returns.

Abram:  So what’d he say?

Mel:  He said he can pull some strings and downgrade you to Goat Hotcakes but only if you give away ten percent of the loot you collected from the spoils battle.

Then the King of Sodom took the floor.

King of Sodom:  Look, Abram, you don’t have to give me anything.  I just want all my people back.  I love my people . . . maybe a little too much, but still!

Abram:  “I solemnly swear before the Lord, The God Most High, Maker of Heaven and Earth that I will not keep anything of yours, not even a thread or a sandal strap!”

King of Sodom:   What about buttons?

Abram:   . . . and therefore, King of Sodom, you can never say, ‘I am the one who made Abram rich’ because I will take nothing for myself. And furthermore, I will accept only what my men have used.

King of Sodom:  Well okay, suit yourself.  So I guess the only thing left to do now is load up the spoils of war onto the The King of Sodom’s back.

Abram:  I don’t believe my ears!  You mean, you, the King of Sodom, will be carrying the spoils of war on your back?

King of Sodom:  No silly! I was talking about King of Sodom, my camel.

And a good laugh was had by all.

And there you have it, Dear Readers.  Please check back next week at this time to find out what Gregory learns about the bible next 

Until next time . . . I love you

This story was loosely based on Genesis: 17-24

 

The Journey back to Sodom

The Journey back to Sodom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

37 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: The Great King of Sodom Camel Mix-up

  1. I am feeling spiritually uplifted Linda, my dose of Sunday bible readings and in some ways reading your bible stories is a little like hearing the homily at Sunday mass. You have filled a void for me. Have a good Sunday.

  2. I saw that cheese joke coming a mile away. Maybe I’m getting used to your style. I don’t think it was a camel that was named after Sodom. It was something else and since I don’t work blue, I’m not going to mention it. Just to say he’d have been better off with a camel.

    • You saw the cheese joke coming a mile away? HA! You are definitely on to me, Mark. And I don’t work blue either, but I think the Sodom story is coming up very soon here, so I don’t know how that’s going to work. Perhaps I’ll need to invest in a Euphemism Thesaurus for questionable biblical behavior. I just hope they carry them on Amazon . . .

  3. All of this is what led up, two millenia and one sever translation error later, to the naming of King of Prussia Mall in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, home of the extra long business card.

  4. the King of Sodom later went on to have a camel named after him. his favorite hobby named after him.
    Does the bread at least come with syrup? Hey. Eggcellent idea. What’s your favorite hobby? French. Then let’s call it french toast.

    • Fair enough. Not such good sentence finishing advice, I admit.
      Haven’t seen you on my blog for a while. Stop by when you can. Besides posts, I also have links to music and audio books.

        • Thanks, Linda. I knew you would.
          I look at blogging as a social activity–I mean a real one. There are a lot of people who just like to see high numbers on their Followers list. Myself, I don’t understand that, at all. For instance, I don’t have it displayed on my blog, but according to WordPress, I have 76 “followers,” four or five of whom actually check my blog out once in a while. Thus, I have, not 76 followers, but 5 followers.
          You have a remarkably successful blog. You’ve earned it. :)

          • Oh Donald thank you for your kind words. I absolutely know what you mean about followers who don’t actually follow your blog. I’m always very flattered when someone follows my blog. But it’s really more like someone is giving you a Like+. And they might follow for a little while but everyone is so busy. I’m just happy they even came by once! There are so many bloggers I love but I have yet to devise a system to keep up like I’d like to and still have some time left over for writing and for a life away from the computer. I think what we need is an extra day added to the week for reading blogs!!

            • Oh my goodness, that’s true.
              Some folks are incredibly lucky. I’m reading Keith Richards autobiography right now. Good grief, the stuff that guy did to himself. He said, “I know my body and how to deal with it. I cured myself of hepatitis C without seeing a doctor.”

              AND he also says that for quite some time he only needed to sleep twice a week!

              That’ll give you some extra time. Unfortunately, my constitution isn’t very good. I wonder what planet Keith is from. ;)

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