About

My name is Linda Vernon, and I want to thank you for stopping by this page– the act of which automatically includes you in my will!

Here are the real life characters sometimes featured in my blog whose names have been changed (in most cases) to protect the innocent (me).

37

My husband of 37 years whom I have affectionately nicknamed 37 to save time.

Peanuts 

My brain’s nickname –who asked that I find an appropriate nickname for it — and so Peanuts was agreed on by both Peanuts and me. 

Picture of Yorkshire Terrier in beautiful woodsy setting

Cha

My tiny, hairy Yorkshire Terrorist who I plan to rent out as a toupee if the economy gets any worse.

Let’s see . . . I am also a noteworthy horrible artist: 

Some pictures you might have the misfortune to run across in this blog will probably look something like this:

The Marlboro Man

Sorry to keep bragging, but I am also a noteworthy horrible writer as well  

I was the 1990 Grand Prize winner of the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest with this mess of a sentence:

Dolores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping across smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently,until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy — doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred-pound bar bell in a steroid-free fitness center.

Some of my most joyous moments in writing this blog come from poking fun at the following:

The Pottery Barn Catalog: 

Nothing fuels the flames of satirical creativity for me like a hot off the presses Pottery Barn Catalog!

Decor from the past: 

A continual source of amusement  is how — while we are living amidst our decor, we don’t recognize it for the clown house that it will become 20 years from now.

1950’s Homemakers

Never have so many dedicated so much time to doing such wholesome things!

Math:

I like to good-naturedly poke fun at numbers.  I emphasize “good-naturedly” because I have enough trouble with numbers as it is without turning them against me.

Science: 

I am a true scientist in every sense of the word except for the definition.  In other words, I like to make up my own theories about the laws of physics mainly to drive my husband, 37, — who is a mechanical engineer — out of his ever-lovin’ gourd.

Well thanks again for visiting and be sure to leave a link to your site so that I can check it out AND include you in my will.

172 thoughts on “About

  1. I have really enjoyed your site and love your “hairy terrorist” (the dog..haha) so much that I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award which you can find at http;//thomag2.wordpress.com I hope your year is an awesome one.

    tom

    • Thank you so much Tom! You’ve given me inspiration to keep plugging away. I’ll go check out your site and thank you so much for taking the time to read my stuff. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.

  2. Thanks for your ‘like’ on “Tess’s Death’…..my wife didn’t like the subject matter but, anymore, I either write in the imaginary realm or ‘lovey’ stuff and every time I hear of suicide bombings, it’s the innocent people killed, especially kids, that bother me to my core. Hence, I got serious for a moment. Sorry about that….it’s real; it happens in the world. So sad. I like your creative humor….and how you find it in everyday life…..keep humoring, Linda. thanks for dropping by………

  3. Linda….Great bio….it’s nice to see someone who has a healthy sense of self-amusement. I too am one of those fortunate few who are able to maintain a constant state of near laughter by merely existing. Taken in relation to the universe, we are a damn funny species. I’m glad you came by my blog, and appreciate that you enjoy it. Meantime, I look forward to seeing more of your work, and cordially invite you to stop by my site again, as I post every day, at least once….take care out there…..

    • Thank you! What a nice compliment. I will definitely be reading your blog. We’re about 20 years older than everybody else in the blogosphere which makes us elderstatesmen and women! And as such we have to stick together. :)

  4. Hey Linda!
    I’m trying to do the math here and…*#!@3 I thought maybe you and I were the same age since I know all of your references. (I’ve been spending too much time with the young crowd, explaining everything, and trying to keep up with their lingo.) Then you said that you were married to your husband for 37 years and, well, I’ve ONLY been married for 27. (But it feels like forever-shh!)
    Anywhooo, I turn 50 this July. I’m new at this blogging thing and not sure what I have to offer? Occasionally I make myself laugh.
    I found you on El Guapo’s site. I’ll definitely make a habit of swinging by. Anyone who references Baby Huey, Mr. MaGoo and Carl, the Greens keeper, is A-Okay in my book!
    Lisa

  5. LIsa! Welcome to the blogosphere! Actually, I think I’m old enough to be your half sister if you mom was ever married to Moses. And somebody who makes themselves laugh is definitely my kind of person. So welcome. As far as what you have to offer . . . blogging is very much a journey of discovery. You will be amazed at the stuff you come up with and I have a feeling we’re all going to enjoy it! Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment! You are not officially in my will and because of that, I am willing you the Ark that my dad Moses left me. :)

  6. You had me at:
    Dolores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever skipping across smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious to it consistently,until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an overdose of fluoride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic apathy – doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred-pound bar bell in a steroid-free fitness center.

    Followed you over from A Gripping Life and Guap. Huge bread crumb trail…I added some cheese and had a nice au gratin top for tuna casserole..

  7. You have a great sense of humor. My brain has a name, too. Well actually two names: LV (little voice in my head) and Sir Brain (the squishy ball of mass that speaks to LV). My dog’s term of endearment name is Spastic Colon. I promised myself not to follow anymore blogs, as I can’t keep up. But I’ll follow yours—because of our common quirks. lol Sam :) I’m guessing you were two when you got married, so that makes you 39, right?

    • Haha! You are the only other person I’ve ever met who has a name for your brain. LV and Sir Brain! HA! I love it. I must say I’m a little relieved that Spastic Colon is your dog’s nickname. Thanks for the follow! And you’re right, I WAS two when I got married!! That’s amazing how you surmised that! LOL

  8. Linda, this is a totally irrelevant question..and you can delete it after…but you’re a person whose been blogging for awhile and I thought you might have the answer to a question I just wrote a blog today and someone has reblogged it onto their site. It is not a site I particularly want it on…It’s a media advertising site and this person is just totally out of the blue come to my site and done the reblog…Is there any way short of asking him to somehow (can he) take it off his site…to do so myself?? Diane

    • Oh gosh, that’s a tough one. If it is a WordPress blog then I would contact him and ask that he would please take it down (he can delete it). If he doesn’t take it down, then at least things move so fast around here that it will be buried quickly by newer posts very soon hopefully. I don’t think there’s any way you can take it off his site from your end unfortunately.

      Here’s some info that was given to me when a site from China cut and pasted one of my essays into their site without my permission last summer:

      Kim | August 27, 2011 at 11:13 am | Reply | Edit
      Hi Linda,
      Thought you might want to know that another site has stolen your article and posted it here: http://reviewsuper.com/group_thread/view/id-133759 They have been reported to Google, but Google lets them continue to run AdSense (and get paid) because the owners file counter claims that say they have permission to use their stolen content, and then Google re-instates them unless the victim can prove they have filed a lawsuit. Problem is, it’s a bit tough to sue them since the owners are in China. We’re hoping other bloggers like you will join us in filing DMCA takedown complaints with Google and GoDaddy, and maybe enough complaints will get them taken down for good. Thanks.

      Hope this helps Diane!

      • Thanks Linda….I guess since it’s not a ‘porn’ site lol I won’t worry…Like you say it will be not noticed after a day or two…but it’s weird…Just because it was on growing old…lol again… he preface the reblog by saying Old is Golddddddd! Silly I think…Diane

        • LOL! Phew! I’m so glad it wasn’t a porn site, Diane! Well, I guess it takes all kinds here in our blogosphere. It’s amazing how rarely anything iffy like that happens though when you think of all the strangers out there! Haha! :D

  9. Hey Linda! Every time I see a new post come in from you, I’m always fired up to see what’s new with Pottery Barn, sustainable hurricane vases, Peanuts, 37 or the next great writing challenge.

    That being said, I love your blog so much that I awarded you the One Lovely Blog Award. Congratulations! I received this award from a fellow blogger and as a recipient I had to award it to a few of my favorite bloggers :)

    You can read more about it on my blog, http://www.tealandtulle.com

    Congrats!
    ~ Erin

    • Ahh! What a cool video! This has inspired me to get on Sedentariat and go for broke(n wrist!) haha! Thanks for sending it over Guap!! The level of skill for both that horse and rider is just mind boggling!

  10. Hi Linda Yes the picture you saw is part of our backyard.. btw I had to redo that post because I didn’t do the link the right way so I had to ‘trash’ the first one and answer you here on your page….my little gray cells are soooo confused sometimes…Diane

    • Oh I can really relate to the gray cells getting so confused. But at least we are trying! LOL! I figured that was your backyard. It’s so you! If I had that your backyard, I’d spend morning noon and night right there!:D

  11. Why don’t we cut out all of the messy legal details of the will and you just write me a check right now? That way, you can appreciate the efficiency and I can use the dough. Done deal.

  12. Can’t believe I found your blog and it is GREAT!! Good old friend that you are…remember the fun we had in walla!! Good times….Cathe

  13. Love it :) your bio is great…I’m just begining my blog, as of last week I think, I like to add a bit of humor in mine too….really it’s just a mish mosh of stuff though. I also just read your little ditty about grease stains – this happens to my mother all the time and it cracked me up!

    • Thanks for coming by Julia! I’m so glad you liked the bio. You’re going to love blogging. You meet so many wonderful people and the sky’s the limit on whereever your creativity takes you! And you’re mom and I were both born with the Grease Spot Attractor Gene I fear! (maybe we’re related) HA! :D

  14. Hi Linda, I love your blog. Here I get something new, which makes me laugh and sometimes think, there are many areas that I do not know, and you master it with good ….. Thank you for sharing … :)

  15. Hilal! Thank you for taking the time to come by my blog and for leaving such a nice comment. I am so glad you are enjoying it, and I’m tickled pink that you thought enough of it to come by and leave your kind comment! :D

  16. Hey, would you consider reblogging this to your blog! My friends need to raise $18,000 dollars for this adoption. I know this basket won’t bring in that much, but seriously right now she’s only gotten $150 toward it! That’s not nearly enough to give this amazing basket away. I only have a small following. Could you please if I beg pretty and promote you somehow?

    Thanks!!

    http://wp.me/p1VHpt-fa

  17. I am sold! I will be faithfully following the woman who wrote that award-winning sentence (run-on, in a style that only a classical author like Miguel Cervantes or Alexandre Dumas could rival, be damned) above.

    • Ha ha! Well thank you! She said as she pretended she knew exactly what Miguel Cervantes wrote without having to google it. LOL! I must say I did know who Alexandre Dumas was but only because of Shawshank Redemption. And thank you so much for such comparisons AND the follow! :D

  18. Didn’t know a good place to place this but I wanted to tell you I looked up the books’ publishers from Urban Outfitters and they actually all do take submissions. Unfortunately none really accept anything I’ve written so I’ll have to start from scratch with a new project. I actually already have an idea I started a few years ago which might work. I wanted to thank you for the suggestion!

    • Mooselicker! That’s wonderful. They take submissions!! That is so cool and so almost unheard of these days. And I really do think that your writing would fit as I have carefully looked at all their books while my kids were shopping (as I said) and the lines are always really really long, so I’ve had to spend quite a bit of time looking at their books. Oh I’m so glad to hear you already have an idea! That’s exciting!! Keep me posted! :D

  19. Dear Linda, just hope the tooth “joke” was not offensive. I got to thinking about it afterwards…if it is, please delete it and accept my apologies to you and your readers!

    Skip :(

  20. Like Dizzy Dean said, “It ain’t braggin’ if you can do it.” I hope you can stop by and visit my blog sometime. I think you might enjoy the post entitled “The Dave Barry Experience.”

    • Joe! Thank you (You just made my morning with your lovely compliment!) As far as the Gregory angle goes, I wrote something for a writing class once where we were asked to come up with our own creation myth. And it was so much fun I started putting my spin on retelling other bible stories. I used to call them Confession of a Sunday School Drop out but change them to The Bible According to Gregory to emphasize that they are just a humorous retelling and not meant to offend anyone. Now I’m totally addicted to writing them..

      • Have you seen the Youtube video of the little fellow who recites the books of the New Testament and then breaks into the George Strait “All My Exes Live In Texas?” My son was showing that to everyone on his IPhone at our family gathering yesterday. Search bible verses and George strait.

  21. Hi, nice to see Bible link on your blog. I shall be thankful to you if you clarify your personal concept of Jesus Christ (May he be blessed forever): “Jesus (May he be blessed forever) is second member of Triune God (Word Trinity or Triune God is absent in Bible), Son of first part of Triune God (He is Son of father only, not Son of Son and is not Son of Holy Spirit), but also “fully” God in every respect (Jesus (May he be blessed forever) of Bible claims to be a “full” man and Son of Adam).Thanks…… your blog is nice … Welcome to my blog, get some downloads on travel and tour:

    http://mushtaqtariq.wordpress.com

  22. Hi,

    Just found your blog and wanted to know if you would be interested in providing a guest post on our recently launched retirement site retirementandgoodliving.com

    I think your sense of humor would provide for a good guest post :-)

    Please let me know if you are interested and I will forward additional details.

    Thanks,

    Simone

  23. 37 is a blessed man to have lived with a beautiful person with so much loving humor! Suh-weet! My favorite post was the one about the rebel crooked tooth. A sheer riot!

    • Coach Muller! Thank you for your kind words, sir! You comment means a lot, and I’m so glad you enjoy my blog and thank you so much for the Liester Award. I will go check out that link. :D

  24. dear Linda, so funny – you write really great! next thing I`ll gonna do is gonna “jump” in all the other stuff on your blog!
    here´s mine, but most of it is in German, except the FF 100words stories.. But you can enjoy the art of my husband, which I partial used as header.

    http://wortwabe.wordpress.com/

    Liebe Grüße aus Deutschland
    Carmen

    • Yes! Well thank you for coming by and because you were so kind to check out my about page, you are now officially in my will. You’re getting my turkey platter and a copy 1963 June edition of Sports Illustrated. Congratulations! :D

  25. I don’t know, you’re odd, dude. May I call you dude? I think I will call you dude. It’s a term of affection where I come from and is omnisexual. That means gross.

    I like your humour. You’re funny. And even better, you think you’re funny.

  26. Wandered over by way of your “pop” guest post for Guap.

    You asked for links, so:
    jaklumen.wordpress.com (main blog)
    techswrite.wordpress.com (tech blog)
    voxjournaljarexile.wordpress.com (blog I work on with my wife)

    Cimmorene (the wifey) will have to provide her own links.

    cheers from southeastern Washington state (Columbia Basin area, home of Nukieland… oh dear, I just blew my hint on the comment at Guap’s, did I?)

    • Aha! The Columbia basin! We used to go swimming in the Columbia River when I was a kid. The rule was you had to walk out and then swim back to shore so you didn’t get caught up in the current. Phew! You are a blogging machine!

      • Being in Kennewick, I’m very close to the Columbia River, actually. At my previous residence, I could almost walk there.

        Me a blogging machine? Hehe, compared to some bloggers I’ve seen, I’m about like a 2-stroke engine to their V-8s, or even Triton V-10s.

  27. How much will it cost me to rent the dog for a toupee? And that messy sentence has too much going for such a great brain you have. One of your readers recommended your humour and I need it, Thank you.

    • Oh how nice to hear. Thank you so much for stopping by. And I don’t charge anything for doggie toupee rental. But I have to warn you, I do charge by the flea so your bill could run up pretty quickly! Yes that sentence is pretty horrible isn’t it? The Bulwer Lytton Fiction contest is a bad writing contest to see who can write the worst beginning sentence to an imaginary novel. It’s really a lot of fun and very addictive. Unfortunately it doesn’t do much for one’s writing habits though! :D

  28. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and leaving such a delightful comment, Linda. I’m so glad I’ve found yours, as you have a terrific and authentic sense of humor…not to mention your artwork is top-notch!

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