I Twitter and I Don’t Know Why

Dear Readers, I have a confession.

I twitter and I don’t know why.  In fact, speaking as a baby boomer that’s not getting any younger at an alarming rate,  I predict that  “I twitter and I don’t know why!” will be the new aging-boomer catch phrase that officially replaces,  “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

I have a feeling it all boils down to Bob Hope

Do I have any idea why I twitter?  I have tweeted 696 times. But to what purpose? To what end?  Frankly,  I suspect since I have to ask, I’m too old to be twittering (or is it tweeting?).

I think understanding Twitter is one of those generational-gap phenomenons that were so popular in back the 60′s — where we baby boomers would roll our eyes when our parents laughed at Bob Hope wearing a Beatles wig while singing, “she loves you,  yeah yeah yeah”.  Only now instead of Bob Hope, hashish and shaggy hair we’ve got Louis CK, hash tags and Friday Follow.

Hey what’s everybody talking about?  I said what’s everybody talking about?  Hello?

Twitter, for me, is like being in a group of people where everyone is laughing and talking about something — but I’m late to the conversation and I can never quite get the gist of what they are discussing.

So I just try faking it by smiling and laughing along hoping I’ll figure it out in minute. During a lull, I might ask the person next to me what everyone is talking about, and just as they are about to fill me in, somebody says something funny and the person starts laughing again and never gets back to me.

Now Just Slow Down There A Minute Sonny . . . Granny don’t go that fast!

Take this morning for instance.  I went to my twitter account and I saw that a blogger who used to have a funny WordPress blog is now a comedian.  So I tweeted a reply congratulating him and went to click out of Twitter one second later  and saw that he had  already replied to my reply.   And he has thousands of followers!  How can he go so fast?  That’s what this old lady wants to know?  (Btw, you can follow Rob https://twitter.com/MyHairyLife — maybe, I don’t know.)

And so I put it to you, Dear Readers.  Why do you tweet?  What is the purpose of tweeting?  I would love to know why I tweet from those of you young enough to understand why.

I thank you in advance, and, as a lovely parting gift for reading this far, I will leave you with a few of my  favorite tweets:

Rob ‏@imaudihere 2 Nov 11

Good friends are a lot like this can of Spam in my cupboard; always there for me, and I know I can eat them in an emergency.

Will Phillips ‏@TheThryll 30 May

Giving up on your dreams can actually be very relaxing.

Samuel Palmer ‏@deptofetc 5 Oct 11

Genius is 16% ‘G’ and 84% ‘enius’

These days George Lucas’s first film is just known as “Thanks! 1138″.

I’m trouble with a capital ‘T’. But only when I’m at the start of a sentence or a proper noun.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Until next time . . . I love you

 

A Visit from The Limerick Lady!

Dear Readers!  You’ll never guess who stumbled by the blog today! None other than The Limerick Lady, and she’s a limerick writing fool if ever there was one! 

The Limerick Lady

Apparently she’s been out visiting blogs and has taken the liberty of writing a few limericks starring some of our most beloved bloggers from around the blogosphere!  Lets take a peek, shall we?

A Gripping Life

A Gripping Life’s written by Grippie

Who got dressed up to look really zippy

She then went to see

Kinks- You Really Got Me

And got kissed by a Kink on the Lippy!

**

Mark Armstrong Illustration

There once was an artist named  Mark

Who wore Zoot Suits while drawing his art

His courtroom depictions

Are bought with subscriptions

Cuz he’s not only funny; he’s smart!

**

Guapola

There once was a beatnik named Guapo

Whose vivaciousness never did stop-o

His rhyming harangues

Require tshhhhhh bangs

And for cheesesteak? He’ll get stopped by a Cop-o

**

Zendictive

Whenever your day’s going bad

And about up to here you have had

There is wisdom galore

In Zendictive’s blog drawer

So dash over . . . before you go mad!

**

Hometogo232

There once was a girl named Diane

Who hailed from a mighty big clan

Her depression was cured

When she prayed and God heard

Now her blog — its got many a fan!

**

Pink Ninjabi

There once was a girl who loved pink

And her blog, it makes all of us think

Each day in her journal

There’s more than a kernel

Of wisdom from which we can drink!

**

Running Naked With Scissors

There once was a single mom Lizzie

Whose creativity made us all dizzy

She not only writes

But her art?  It delights!

And her kids!  Oh boy!  Keep her busy!

**

Adair You

There once was a blogger, Adair

Who gave us a breath of fresh air

With her kitty called DC

And her fruitcaking Aunt Lee

It’s a blog like a chocolate eclair!

**

Dianne Gray Author

Dianne is a writer of wonder

Whose home on this globe is down under

Whether eggs on her ceiling

Or from pythons she’s reeling

It’s no wonder her publishers fund her!

**

Buckwheats Risk

Bucky she is the adopter

Of a snake and a dog , she’s their proctor

She’s been known to write

At a very great height

Cause her husband . . . well,  he flies a copter

And there you have it Dear Readers, a visit from The Limerick Lady.  And be careful now, as you never know when The Limerick Lady is going to stop by your blog . . .

Until next time . . . I love you

Linda’s 33 Easy Steps to Writing a Killer Blog Post

Linda’s 33 Easy Steps to Writing a Killer Blog Post

1.    Pour one cup coffee

2.    Sit down to computer.

3.    Sip coffee.

4.    Spit coffee back into cup; return to kitchen

5.    Discover coffee maker broken.

6.    Locate someone to blame, if possible.

7.    Return to computer

8.    Stare at tree out window

9.    If no tree out window, take trip to nearest garden supply store

10.   Purchase sapling, return home, plant sapling outside window.

11.    Resume staring out window into space tree will occupy in three to five years

12.    Return to kitchen for danish

13.    If no danish available, graham cracker may be substituted.

14.    If no graham cracker available, soda crackers or  Ritz cracker can be voted upon.

15.    If no voters are present, a blindfold may be used to cover eyes

16.    Cover eyes; pick box.

17.    Remove blindfold

18.    Discover you picked soda crackers

19.    Realize you wanted Ritz Crackers

20.    Put blindfold back on.

21.    Pick one

22.    Repeat until box of Ritz Crackers is chosen

23.    Return to desk

24.    Eat entire box of Ritz Crackers

25.    Locate can of air to blow Ritz Cracker crumbs off  keyboard and face

26.    Spin clockwise in desk chair

27.    Spin counter-clockwise in desk chair

28.    Take trip to nearest drug store

29.    Purchase Pepto Bismal

30.    Return home; take Pepto Bismal

31.    Lie down on couch

32.    Fall asleep; wake up; return to computer

33.    Reblog post from yesterday

And there you have it Dear Readers, Linda’s 33 easy steps to writing a killer blog post! 

Until next time . . . I love you

It’s Time to Take the 2013 Cockamamie Pledge

Hello Dear Readers and welcome to the brand spanking new year of 2013!  Can you believe how lucky we are getting to spend all our time in a future that only yesterday was nothing but a gleam in the calendar’s eye?

Here are some of the things My Brain Peanuts is just finding out it has planned for the new year:

Taking All the Stops Out and Going For the Certificate!

This year this blog is going to shoot for a perfect attendance award.  My goal is to write every day of the year.  (And so far so good!)

When I run out of ideas on January 2, I plan to incorporate some daily prompts from this book:

Warning: It  doesn’t have much of a plot.

A Thorough Going Over

I also plan to spruce up the appearance this blog by fooling around with some chemicals and other explosives in the WordPress Dashboard.  (If this blog suddenly disappears or if I suddenly disappear, be a lamb and give my regards to Broadway.)

And Now Dear Readers, it’s time to take:

The 2013 Cockamamie Pledge 

Raise your right hand, or whatever’s handy, and repeat after me:

I, insert your name here, do solemnly swear on a stack of vintage cookbooks, that I promise to never take anything I read on this blog as the gospel even if it claims to be the gospel as in The Bible According to Gregory.

Gregory

Poor kid’s a little mixed up.

I, insert your name here, do solemnly swear that I will never shop at Pottery Barn unless accidentally transported by a hurricane to the PB cashier counter along with a thousand dollar bills and, in the confusion, accidentally pay for a set of $999 wooden salad tongs hewn from Pottery Barn sustainable forest trees.

Pottery Barn wooden Tongs accidentally purchased during a hurricane. Whops!  Well at least they’re sustainable!

I, insert your name here, promise to believe with all my heart and soul that Al Gore invented the internet and that he is hopelessly addicted to Funyuns.

Our Beloved Al

“I, Al Gore, am comprised mainly of Funyuns, yet I still managed to invent the internet!”

I, insert your name here, promise to suspend my disbelief while reading all stories on this blog no matter how ridiculous the scenario, how preposterous the character’s names and how hastily and horribly they are drawn.

Carlotta Con Carnie

Just ignore the horses.

I, insert your name here, promise never to attempt to eat any foods featured on this blog from old cookbooks found at the thrift store under penalty of death by gagging.

Stay Away From the Gagaliciousness

“Careful! She’s gonna blow!”

I, insert your name here, promise to dedicate a few seconds this year to helping out with this blogs continuing effort of Trying to Cheer Up Edgar Allan Poe.

Eddy

“Who cares if it’s 2013, Midnight’s still gonna be dreary!”

I, insert your name here, promise not to aggravate The Drawing Lady while she’s trying to teach us how to draw, no matter how tempted I, insert your name here, am.

The Drawing Lady

“Don’t make me jump out the window!”

I, insert your name here, promise not to notice any typos or misspellings and the fact that this blog has absolutely no idea what it is talking about so help me, insert your name here.

Thank you so much Dear Readers for taking The 2013 Cockamamie Pledge! And I promise I won’t hold you to it . . . much!

Wishing All of You the Best Possible 2013!! (even Al Gore and Pottery Barn)

Until next time . . . I love you

Seven Ways to Tell If You Suffer From Too Much Blogging

Hello Dear Readers!    In the words of the wise and wonderful Lucy Ricardo after drinking too much Vitameatavegamin:

“Are you tired, rundown, listless?  Do you pop out at parties?  Are you unpoopular?”

Well, the answer to all your problems might be that you’re low on Vitameatavegamin; then again — it might be that you are simply exhausted from too much blogging.

 

Seven Ways to Tell If You’re Tired, Rundown and Listless From Too Much Blogging

You’re insurance rates have gone sky high ever since you got a little mixed up from fatigue and added a new post to your car’s dashboard.

“Well if it’s any consolation, at least I remembered to Save Draft.

You instructed your hairdresser to change your personal settings and give you a new theme.

“Are you sure Mimbo Pro is going to look okay with my general settings?”
“Well, we’ll find out!”

You got a little bent out of shape when your house guests left and didn’t nominate you for an award.

Yeah . . .bye . . . come again . . . NOT!

You try to leave comments on your ATM machine.

I am now telling the computer exactly what it can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate . . .

You can’t understand why the postman keeps bringing you mail of people you’re not even following.

Yeah,it says right here, “To Betty and Barnie Shlubbs” from AARP.”
“What in tarnation? We would never follow them!”

You try to count how many drivers look over at you in traffic so you can feel like you’re getting  a lot of traffic views.

Okay, let’s see . . . the guy in the blue truck makes four and oh oh . . . the two people in that yellow Kia just looked over . . .

You’re the only one at the movies who, instead of laughing,  is shouting out the letters L O L.

L O frigging L! Gosh I’m having a good time!

And there you have it Dear Readers!  If  you recognized yourself in any of the above scenarios, you might want to go right out and buy yourself a great big bottle of Vitameatavegamin.   That’s Vita Meata Vegamin!  Because, as everybody knows, it’s the answer to all your problems!

It’s so tasty too!

Until next time . . . I love you (and Lucy)

A Little Friday Fun With Al Gore!

Hello Dear Readers!  Well, we made it through another breakneck week in the wild, wild blogosphere! 

It wasn’t easy.  Different combinations of the alphabet were flying at us from all directions.  We had to carefully navigate through a sea of punctuation, while at the same time, we had to keep from getting pierced by some really good points!  But, of course, there’s nothing us Jolly Bloggers like better!

So here’s a little Friday Fun I hope you’ll enjoy!  It was brought to you by none other than:

Our Beloved Al

Until next time  . . .  I love you

My Brain Peanuts Thinks Up Some Blog Topics

Let me apologize in advance, Dear Readers, for even though my brain, Peanuts,  has been rattling around up in the Noggin Attic all morning trying to shake an idea loose to blog about, Peanuts has only managed to come up with a few lame ideas which are as follows:

You and Your Alfalfa

Peanuts and I thought we might pick up where we left off yesterday and expound on our new-found knowledge contained within the pages of a 1934 government pamphlet about Alfalfa which we now have in our possession– but then Peanuts and I thought we should probably save that post for a more special occasion like Christmas.

Doing math in your head in 1950

OK,  Peanuts and I  found a booklet from 1950 called without paper and pencil that explains how to do math in one’s head.  The book is full of conversations  like this one:

This topic was promising for about five minutes until Peanuts tried to figure out how long it would take me to write something about doing math in one’s head by subtracting 8:45 a.m from 300 words at which point my brain, Peanuts, fell  asleep in my head.

Your Appendix is more important than you think it is

Peanuts and I thought this topic was very, very, very promising until we realized that your appendix isn’t more important than you think it is.

How to chew an eraser like it was a piece of gum and maybe even blow a bubble

Oh this would have been a killer blog topic, and I wanted to do it until Peanuts reminded me there’s no such things as erasers anymore.

Pretending to know what the stock market numbers mean

This sounded promising at first, but after thinking about how much thinking it would actually involve, Peanuts and I  thought . . .  wait a minute, this is a blog not a torture chamber.

Write a blog about absolutely nothing that uses a lot of big bold headlines such as WordPress “Heading 1″ to imply importance

Bingo!  And there you have it Dear Reader. Our blog for today! Oh and if you happen to think of any blog topics for me and Peanuts for tomorrow, we implore you to leave them in the comment section.  As you can see, Peanuts and I can use all the help we can get!

Until next time . . . I (and Peanuts) love you

 

Today is a Very Special Birthday!

Hello everybody and welcome!  Today we are celebrating a very special blogger’s birthday!  Can you guess who that blogger is?

“Hmm . . . in the blogosphere you say?  Can you give us a hint?”

“Ok, she’s cracked but not broken, and she has been known to run with scissors . . . naked”

Hmm. . . running with scissors . . . naked you say?

“Oooooooo!  I like her already!”

“Yeah she’s edgy and she’s cool!”

“Speaking of edgy . .  stop trying to edge me off the stool!”

“What do you mean, you’re taking up all the room!”

“Gosh, I wish I was edgy.”

“Who you?  Forget about it!”

“Hey!  Blogosphere People!  Chill!  I’ll give you another hint.  Dog balls feel funny . . . “

“Dog balls you say?”

“Dog balls!  Ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Oh!  I know!  I know!”

“Yes naked baby with your hand up!”

“Dog balls?”

“Hoo boy!  I think I need a mental moment!  Look I’m just going to tell you.  Today is the birthday of a most beloved blogger AND cyberdaughter . . . . . . Lizzie 4/7  

Ok, that’s your cue!  You can let go of those balloons now!”

“Well, I just let go of  something . . . but it wasn’t the balloons!”

“Oy!”

Happy Birthday Lizzie!

Mommasmoneymatters.com

ohmygawdjustdowhatisay.wordpress.com

Guapola.wordpress.com

buddhakat.wordpress.com

gingerfightback.com

hometogo232.wordpress.com

My Brain, Peanuts, Thinks Up Some Dubious WordPress Blog Ideas

Why hello Dear Reader and welcome to Monday morning here at the blog! 

This might be a good time to warn you that my brain, Peanuts, has been thinking again — the act of which has produced the following ideas for some dubious WordPress blogs:

My Favorite Government Documents! .com

Bureaucrats estimate that government documents now out number stars in the universe by a ratio of three to one!  And Peanuts thinks choosing my favorites among them (the most adorable) would make for a good blog.

Ah! Have you ever seen such an adorable government document?  Don’t you just want to squeeze it?

What about Lard? .com

My brain, Peanuts has high hopes for this blog!  It will encompass anything and everything about lard and lard-related products.  Readers will be invited to experience the world through the eyes of lard which should prove to be an exhilarating — if not somewhat disgusting– experience!

Soups Most People Never Tasted .com

There must be literally hundreds maybe even thousands of them! My brain, Peanuts turns to mush just thinking about all the soup out there that most people have never tasted!

Oh sure, you’ve never tasted it, but are you sure it’s never tasted you?

Your Friend, Cement! .com

Peanuts wants us to stop and think a minute about where we would all be without our dearest friend, cement . . . well, probably right in the exact same place we currently are . . . but still!

“Hey Cement, wanna get coffee later?”

“Uh . . . no.”

On a scale of one to ten, how Chapped Are Your Lips? .com

Finally a way to tell just exactly how chapped those lips of yours really are. Send pictures and Peanuts and I will post the best and the worst! Chapped lips will be judged on a sliding scale of one to ten, ten being the worst and one being the best or maybe vice versa.  Either way we are predicting success that smacks of success.

Sticks that were responsible for poking people’s eyes out!  .com

Just between you and me and Peanuts and WordPress and everybody else in the world, this idea is a little iffy, taste-wise.  Of course, there is the potential for eye patch advertisements and perhaps a lucrative manacle endorsement deal so the tastelessness might well be worth it.

Watching old parades from the 70′s on YouTube! .com

Peanuts asks:  Who doesn’t like watching parades that took place 40 years ago?

Peanuts answers:  No one!  That’s who!

“By golly, yes siree!  That IS Florence Henderson! Well, poke me with a fork!”            “Okay if you insist!”

Body parts I have yet to stub — The Forum  .com

Sure we’ve all stubbed our toe, but what body parts haven‘t we stubbed.  Are you stumped?  Good!  That means you’ll go check out the forum!

Baby Talk Book Reviews! .com

Peanuts wuvs dis idea!

“Me wead Wah and Peas.”"

Wah and Pease vewy bo-wing!

Until next time . . . I love you

A Conversation with Sir Isaac Newton about Blogging

“I usually don’t give a fig about Sir Isaac Newton.”

Every morning, I pour myself a cup of coffee and head over to my computer where I spend the next several hours writing.  This means the only physical activity I get all morning is if I happen to yawn enthusiastically, sneeze vivaciously or gargle with chutzpah, –(sometimes gargling coffee helps me think).

And yet, all this extra added exercise doesn’t seem to be making much difference to Mr. Bathroom Scales – whose numbers I find are slowing creeping up faster than a Tiger Woods’ round of golf.

Which means I should probably exercise more.  But while exercise is all well and good, frankly, I think it would be far easier to keep weight off by changing the laws of physics.

Why not  simply build a time machine, go back in time and talk the person who invented the bathroom scales out of it?  Or better yet, maybe I ought to travel back in time and have a little confab with Sir Isaac Newton– what with him being so keen on discovering gravity and all.

I imagine the conversation would go something like this:

Hey Isaac, you don’t know me, I’m a blogger from the future who’s starting to put on weight from sitting at my computer all morning.

What are you doing in my hamlet and; more precisely, what are you doing in my house?

I’ve come to talk you out of inventing gravity.

But I’m working on the Binomial Theorem whilst developing Infinitesimal Calculus.  What is this thing “gravity” you speak of?

YES!  I’m assuming that means you haven’t already discovered it then, phew! Well, please don’t because it makes the rest of us in the future weigh too much and— hey wait a minute!  Where’d you get that apple?

This apple?  It fell on my head whilst I was outside just now and– . . .  Holy Black Plague!  I just figured out why!

Please tell me you’re thinking something along the lines of  a coincidence?

No, no twasn’t a coincidence!   Me thinks it twas due to an heretofore undiscovered force I shall now christen gravy.

You mean gravity?

Ooh that’s better!  I shall now christen gravity. 

Hmmm . . . well obviously this little thought experiment of mine has shown me that building a time machine may not be the answer to weight loss, because the only thing it has succeeded in doing is making me hungry for Fig Newtons.

I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this post short, Dear Reader, so that I can rustle up some Fig Newtons. 

I plan to chew them vigorously while watching television briskly in an attempt to make negate excess calories.

If I am unable to do so, however, the person who invented the calorie is going to be receiving a little visit from moi.

“Gads! I don’t even like apples.”

Until next time . . . I love you, Fig Newtons and Sir Isaac in that order.