Sometimes, when life hands you lemonade, you have to take that lemonade and you have to turn it back into lemons again because you’re just in that kind of a mood. Which means, Dear Reader, that it is once again time for:
Roast in a Nutshell, the Darker Side of My Brain Peanuts
(A title that was the brainstorm of my cyberdaughter, Lizzie, at runningnakedwithscissors)
Today’s topic: Dealing with people who think Peanuts is old.
Things Darkside Peanuts Should be Allowed to Do Without Any Consequences When It comes to dealing with people who think Peanuts is old.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to trip clerks in the electronics department of Frys who explain something to Peanuts like Peanuts is senile and then wrap up their sales pitch by adding “this is what all our elderly customers prefer.”
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to send sneezing powder (aka anthrax) in the return envelope of all AARP offers that are offering Peanuts one last chance to get insurance before Peanuts shrivels up and dies.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to pinch a tad too hard, the cheeks of teenage baggers at the grocery store who remark, while bagging Peanuts groceries, that their grandma — or even their great grandma — likes the same product Peanuts does.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to scribble lipstick all over the faces of dismissive twenty-something cosmetic-counter girls who imply that Peanuts looks so old there’s really nothing that can be done about it.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to pull the transaction box off its stand and throw it at clerks who automatically assume Peanuts is too old and too far gone with the Alzheimer’s to know to slide the card and push the green button without being told (for the millionth time . . . sigh) to do so.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to mess up the hairdo of clerks who take a good look at Peanuts and then suggest that Peanuts take advantage of their 55-years-and-older senior discount even though Peanuts is 55-years-and-older.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to yank the trendy ponytails of the girls who work at Starbucks whose words are saying, “may I help you” but whose tone is saying Oh great! Another old lady who refuses to speak Starbucks.
Darkside Peanuts should be allowed to put Peanuts’ car in reverse and bash into the kid who is driving the car behind Peanuts who is honking at Peanuts to take a free right turn at a red light because they think Peanuts is too old and too cowardly to do so –even though Peanuts IS too old and too cowardly to do so.
Phew! Darkside Peanuts feels much better having gotten all that off Darkside Peanuts’ shell.
Until next time . . . I love you