Studying Things That Got Stuck in the Roman Drains for New Insights
In an effort to tell us something we don’t already know, a new study of the objects lost down the drains of ancient Roman bath houses has shed light on the fact that Romans who went swimming with their jewelry on in ancient times were just as likely to lose it as people who go swimming today with their jewelry on.
Alissa Whitmore, a doctoral candidate at the University of Iowa, who has been having trouble sleeping at night what with all her worrying about what the Romans were doing all day in the bathtub,, has concluded– judging from the things that got stuck in the drain –that varied activities took place.
After studying the artifacts like nobody’s business, Whitmore found strong evidence suggesting that Romans went to the baths not only to bath, but also to pull teeth, perform operations, eat meat with bones in it, and do needle point.
“But most of these activities would not have taken place in the water, but in dressing rooms or common seating areas.” Whitmore stated in the most authoritative I practically have my doctoral voice she could muster.
“What the Romans really needed back then was a plumber’s helper!” Alissa Whitmore wished she would have said after the interview was over.
Massive Spider Discovered in Sri Lanka
Locals in Sri Lanka have discovered a new species of Tarantula big enough to cover a human face. Spider researcher, Ranil Nanayakkara, – who just so happened to be wandering around Sri Lanka looking for new spider species the day it was discovered, still has no idea why locals in Sri Lanka used their faces to measure the spider instead of a ruler.
The new species was named after a local police inspector and will be called the Michael Rajakumar Purajah spider, a name that pays little heed to the fact that if a local wakes up and finds a Michael Rajakumar Purajah spider on his face, he’ll be a goner before he can shout, “Help! There’s a Michael Rajakumar Purajah spider on my face!”
USAF Promises Not to Kill Anybody By Messing with Their DNA, Honest!
In an effort to squander $49 million tax-payer dollars as quickly as possible, the United States Air Force has announced it is studying the bio-effects of weapons utilizing microwaves and radio waves to find out how viable it is to build exotic new “energy weapons” in order to more effectively ruin the lives of innocent people in less powerful countries and destroy the infra-structures therein.
The USAF is insisting it needs to study the effects of such weapons on the human body by pretending they are worried about it being used on Americans by another country.
“To be clear: The Air Force doesn’t want to kill you by messing with your DNA.” Somebody at the Air Force said. “Where’s the fun in that?” Somebody else at the Air Force almost added.
The announcement notes that the tests may involve human subjects (and animals) but stresses not to worry about it because The USAF crosses its collective heart and hopes to die that they will definitely not be testing anything that is completely undetectable by the human population on humans or animals who haven’t stepped forward and allowed themselves to be microwaved and radio-waved on their own accord.
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Until next time . . . I love you