The Overly Creative Writing Lady’s Book Writing Advice

Hello Dear Readers!  Guess what?  In the middle of the night, the Overly-Creative Writer Lady broke into the blog and left behind some of her sage advice on how to write a book!  Come on!  Let’s check it out, shall we?

When writing a book

By hook or by crook

It’s best to start in the middle

Then work out each day

From the middle each way

(With the concept you later can fiddle)

 

Now don’t give a thought

To the pacing or plot

For those things will take care of themselves

And don’t get bogged down

With the place or the town

(Just make all your characters elves)

Some writers they say

An outline’s the way

To keep it all straight in your head

Well forget what you’ve heard

You can polish each word

(For the rest of your life till your dead)

 Just stick in some sorrow

Some hope for tomorrow

Make your characters lisp with a  limp

You also might try

To give one a glass eye

(On character flaws never scrimp)

Now I suppose

It’s time for a close

From the book writing lesson herein

Just remember to try

To keep the bar high

(Perhaps as far up as your chin)

Until next time . . . The Overly Creative Writer Lady Loves You

The Overly Creative Writer Lady Discusses Valve Assemblies!

Well it’s Jubilation-city here at the blog today, Dear Readers!  Why? Because none other than The Overly Creative Writer Lady has agreed to stop by!

The Overly Creative Writer Lady

Today she has agreed to discuss one of her most beloved topics: Valve Assemblies.

The Valve Assembly

The original copy says:

“The valve assembly controls the flow of water to the irrigation lines.”

Let’s watch as The Overly Creative Writer Lady magically transforms the above ho-hum string of words into something  we readers can really get our teeth into.

The valve assembly that had heretofore only known it’s existence as single pipe fittings –as useless as junk DNA and as lonely as Al Gore on a Saturday night after consuming large quantities of Funyuns (without brushing his teeth) controls the flow of water like Poseidon, the Greek God of the Sea or failing that, like a rusty bucket under a leaky Greek faucet or failing that, a box of Depends to the irrigation line that pierces the ears of the earth’s soul and fills it with life-giving water until it finally reaches the Do Not Fill Above This Line mark.

Phew! I think you will agree, Dear Readers, that The  Overly Creative Writer Lady has managed to swallow the mundane topic of valve assembly, digest it thoroughly and then spit it back out into a puddle of penned perfection for our enjoyment!

Wait a minute . . .  it looks like The Overly Creative Writer Lady is trying to tell us something . . .

What’s that Overly Creative Writer Lady? . . .   You only feel like expressing yourself  through a series of symbols? . . .   Oh by all means . . .  here let me fish a notepad out of my desk drawer . . . ah here’s one! . . .  Okay, have at it Overly Creative Writer Lady!

Ha ha!  Thank you so much Overly Creative Drawing Lady.  We will certainly get a good “think” out of that one.  It looks like you’ve had a real creative breakthrough , or possible a nervous breakdown.  Either way, keep up the good work, Overly Creative Writer Lady!

Until next time . . . I love you

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From My Brain Peanuts and The Gang!

My Brain Peanuts and The Gang Wish You A Very Very Very

Until next time . . . we love you!

The Overly Creative Writer Lady Answers Some Questions!

Dear Readers!  This blog is so overjoyed it’s paragraph’s are welling up with punctuation.  Why?  Because The Overly Creative Writer Lady has agreed to stop by and answer some questions for us!

But let us not dilly dally in our joyousness for we mustn’t waste the precious time of The Overly Creative Writer Lady.

The Overly Creative Writer Lady

Overly Creative Writer Lady thank you for dropping by! Here is our first question for you:

What  indeed!   Why it is nothing less than the ancestor of our forefathers as they trod upon the purple-ish mountains of Mother Earth in search of Father Sustenance, Uncle Shelter and Auntie Clothing — harkening intently to the sound of the silvery cow bell as it swung to and fro with a  ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong . . .ding! even as the humble farmer of mankind extracted sweet milk from its bovine-ian utter of life.

So you think it’s a cow?

Yeah, don’t you?

Uh . . . let’s just move on to our next question.

What indeed!!!  Why it is the salt. . nay it is the salsa of life itself!!!  It is the pure expression of a heart-felt exclamation!!! It’s what keeps one from jumping off the Golden Gate bridge after a bad day at the office or, plunging to ones death after going out the wrong  door on purpose on the observation deck of the Space Needle!!!  For this is the ultimate symbol or the ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong . . .ding! if you will, of the perfect punctuation storm of a point and an exclamation!!!

So you think it’s an exclamation point?

Yeah don’t you?

Uh . . . okay . . . well, let’s just keep going forward.

What indeed! It is that which links humanity as tightly together as the braid of the daughter of an over-caffeinated mother who fancies herself a hairstylist and fashions her child’s hair into a pigtail so tightly wrought, it could withstand the gyrating whirl of the whirlybird blades as they ding-dong, ding-dong ding-dong . . .ding! centrifugally on their way to rescue the downtrodden who have fallen into ravines — all the while reporting back to the masses what the traffic looks like from a-way up in the wild, blue yonder.

So you think it’s a helicopter?

Yeah don’t you?

Earth to Overly Creative Writing Lady!  You have yet to answer a single question right.  This is not a helicopter!  Here we’ll give you a hint.  It is a form of transportation that carries people to and from their destinations.

A car?

Nooo! not a car! It rhymes with rain . . . .

Oh, I know I know . . . a train?

Well that’s all we have time for today, Overly Creative Writer Lady.  Thank you for coming by though.

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Until next time . . . I love you

A crane?

What about a Dwayne?

Maybe it’s a Spain?  Is it a Spain?

The Overly Creative Writer Lady Edits Some Guidelines

Hello Dear Readers!  Holy Cow do we have a treat in store for us today!  The Overly Creative Writer Lady has agreed to edit some guidelines for us!

The Overly Creative Writer Lady

The Overly Creative Writer Lady would like us to take out our Drip Irrigation Guidelines and turn to the first page!

Page 1 of our Drip Irrigation System Guidelines

The Original Copy Says:

“These drip emitters for shrub and trees provide full or partial pressure compensation.”

Dear Readers, this pathetic writing example is enough to make the Overly Creative Writer Lady laugh — if only she knew how!

Let’s watch as the Overly Creative Writer Lady works her magic on this pedestrian piece of writing while at the same time keeping the meaning intact:

These blue-as-the-sky-on-a-cloudless-January-afternoon drip emitters for shrub and trees — trees like those on yonder hill (that, from this distance, sometimes appear blue in the beauty of the evening light unless one is colorblind in which case they would probably just appear darkish gray in the beauty of the evening light) provide full –as full even as the botoxed lips of an aging ingenue or perhaps as full as a bath that one has started to  draw and then received a call from Ed McMahon with news that one had just won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes if indeed Ed MacMahon were still alive and if indeed one had just won the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes which was the reason for the call in the first place or partial  pressure compensation.

Holy Cow Overly Creative Writer Lady!  We are not worthy!  This is astonishing!  Apparently this task was way too easy for the Overly Creative Writer Lady. 

Perhaps we should have her show us how she would change the next sentence in our Drip Irrigation Guidelines which is:

Emitters with flow rates of 1/4th gps are available for containers or slopes where water may run off.

Dear Readers!  I can hear the Overly Creative Writer Lady sharpening her pencil as I type this.  Oh we are in for a real treat!  OMG!  She’s writing it out in longhand!  What an opportunity to peek inside the mind of the Overly Creative Writer Lady!

Well as you can see, Dear Readers, not only has Overly Creative Writer Lady managed to breath new life into the topic of Emitters Flow Rates, but she has also manged to somehow weave a tale the likes of which rival Shakespeare,  himself!  (And I don’t know about you but I thought the pig in a penguin suit parable was absolutely inspired!)

How DOES she do it?

We only hope the Overly Creative Writer Lady will come back and visit us real soon!

Uh . . . I think that says until next time she bids us all adieu . . . .

Until next time . . . I love you