Flipping Through A 1953 Magazine

Welcome to Friday, Dear Readers!  And on Fridays this blog takes some time off  from goofing off to pursue more leisurely pursuits like flipping through old magazines.

And to that end, here’s a magazine from 1953 I found stuck between two cookbooks at the Thrift store yesterday:

Isn't it wonderful?

Isn’t it wonderful?

Come on, let’s look inside:

Is it just me or is this little guy wearing a saucer on his head?

1953 Heinz Baby Food ad

The aliens have landed and you’ll never guess where!

This says:  “Every Woman is Beautiful Thru Pregnancy”

Uh . . . not in this outfit she isn’t.

1953 magazine humorous commentary, Linda Vernon Humor

Gosh! When did my hair get so ugly.

The note at the top of this page says: Painted for the Green Giant Company by Norman Rockwell.

Just think! In 1953 you could still hire Norman Rockwell to illustrate your ad!

 1953 Green Giant Norman Rockwell Ad

Uh . . . judging from the color of their complexions, I think it might be a good idea for them to lay off the Libby’s Tomato Juice for a while.

1953 Magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor

“Mommy, do you think we’ll ever eat anything but tomato juice again?”
“Of course not, darling, why would we?” “Mommy, do you think we’ll ever stop dressing like twins?”
“Of course not, darling, why would we?

Something in me longs for the days when gunning down Mother if she didn’t fix her children a snack of canned meat that had been “deviled”  was considered wholesome fun!

1953 Ad for Underwod Deviled Ham

Haha! Now be sure not to riddle me with bullets until after I’ve prepared your snack, you little rascals!”

While big brothers are chasing little sister (who has a a 35-year-old woman’s face) so that they can lasso her around her neck (good luck with finding her neck),  the important thing here is that they won’t scuff the floors thanks to Simoniz self-polishing floor wax!

1953 magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor

My mother had a stove just like the one in the background.

Well, Dear Readers, my scanning elbow is starting to act up again so we’ll quit for today, but I hope you enjoyed this little romp back to 1953!

Until next time . . . I love you

Sports Illustrated Brings Us 1963

Oh Dear Readers!  Look what crossed my path yesterday at the used bookstore!

Illustration of woman relaxing on a yatch in a two-piece Swim suit circa 1963

A Sports Illustrated Magazine from 1963!  Isn’t it wonderful? Let’s flip through it together, shall we?

Here’s 1963, Master’s Champion Jack Nicklaus  singing the praises of the MacGregor Woods with their exclusive penetrating impregnation method! Wow! Now that’s impressive!

Ad from Sports Illustrated 1963 Golf Ad

Golf in 1963 was sure a lot more interesting than it is now.

The ad goes on to explain that the exclusive penetrating impregnation method was the most talked about club feature in golf!  (Well, I should say so!)  “Because it let’s you use a wood with confidence in bad lies.”  Gosh I wonder if Tiger knows about this?

 

Hey! Who doesn’t want to live in a world where shirts were only $5.00 raise your hand!

Man in car driving away

Shh . . . don’t tell Mr.Sophisticated City Dweller who is wearing his Dacron Docoma Breeze shirt that the poor country bumpkins who just got off the  b.u.s. are laughing at him not with him.

Stuffed shirts didn’t come any less wrinkle-free than in 1963 thanks to Docoma Breeze shirts boasting Grip-Tab, Dress ‘n Play, Blake collars — which only cool city dwellers could afford at $5 a pop.  And if that didn’t make a man want to drive around Manhattan, mannequin-like, in a car three-sizes too small –1963 doesn’t know what did!

 

Don’t Worry Honey! Kent’s Micronite Filter makes cigarettes good for you!

Blah Blah

This Kent ad is the very first and the very last ad to utilize the phrase “refines away”.

Apparently back in 1963, the key to smoking fun was getting the cigarette to have the mildest taste of all!  Kent was hoping that smokers wouldn’t put 2 and 2 together and realize that the mildest taste of all would be not smoking any cigarettes at all.

 

Question!  What’s more fun than shooting guns with daddy?   Shooting guns with daddy in the house!  What else?

Father and Son unpacking Daisy BB Range

Run for cover,Sis! Look out Spot! Whoops sorry, Dear!

What better way for  fathers to bond with their sons and to teach their sons to grow up to be men than by shooting bb guns with them in the house?  Oh sure, a few of mother’s prized figureens may have to be sacrificed, and little Suzie’s buttox will probably never be the same — but it’s a small price to pay for teaching little boys what it really means to be a man — 1963 style!

Now then wasn’t that fun?  I hope you liked our little foray into the world of 1963, Dear Readers!

Until next time . . . I love you

Brain Dead Mom Through the Decades

Hello Dear Readers!  What shall we do today?  Hm . . .  Oh I know!  Let’s look at how Moms have been portrayed as Brain Dead through the decades.  As it just so happens, I found a few vintage cookbooks that we can use to contrast and compare.

 Brain Dead Mom from 1937 

Brain Dead Moms of Vintage Cookbooks

Poor Brain Dead Mom from 1937! It looks like she might have infused just a tad too much personality into her baked goods. So much so that they are now holding her hostage. And is her shadow sprouting a horn? Oh my! But somehow Brave Brain Dead Mom of 1937 still manages to smile even though she can’t quite hide the terror in those vacant peepers of hers.

 

Brain Dead Mom from 1953:

Brain Dead Mom trough the ages

Ah! Brain Dead Mom from 1953 is clearly relieved and happy now.  The War is over! Hitler’s dead! And, judging from her eyes,  her doctor just prescribed a lifetime supply of Seconal for her anxiety as well as Benzedrine to be taken every ten minutes to ensure her waist circumference stays at 11-and-1/2-inches. Which gives Brain Dead Mom from 1953  lots and lots of energy so she can dedicate her entire existence to  cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking . . .

 Brain Dead Mom from 1959

Brain Dead Mom through the ages

Brain Dead Mom from 1959 has her act together! No more cowering in the horn-sprouting shadows from her baked goods. No more mindless cooking and cooking and cooking. No sir! When one gazes into the eyes of Brain Dead Mom from 1959, one can clearly detect a Valium-induced, vague optimism for the future of her country, the future of her family and the future of her green pepper. Clearly Brain Dead Mom of 1959 is a more confident women than her predecessors. Why? Because she doesn’t know any better, that’s why!

Brain Dead Mom From 1965

The Cook Book of glorious Eating for Weight Watchers

A Ring a ding ding, Baby!  Brain Dead Mom from 1965 has it all going on!  She doesn’t even have to open her eyes anymore! Oh sure she’s still popping a few “bennies” now and then, but come on!   How else is she going to maintain her 11- and-1/2-inch waist what with all the food she’s been eating and all those martinis she’s been swilling with her new devil-may-care attitude? Brain Dead Mom from 1965 would never cower from her own baking! Ha ha!  Don’t make her laugh!  Because Brain Dead Mom from 1965 has a life!  She’s fancy!  She’s frivolous! She’s fun! And somewhere along the line she learned to play the triangle!

I have a feeling there are lots and lots of other examples of Brain Dead Moms Through the Decades out there on the shelves of my favorite thrift store!  And I make this pledge to you, Dear Readers, that I will not rest until I have messed up everything on the shelf looking for them!

Until next time . . . I love you

Brain Dead Mom trough the ages

. . .. and cooking and cooking cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and  cooking and cooking and cooking . . .to be continued . . .

Say, Speaking of Licking Honey Off Pencils . . .

Hello Dear Readers.  Here’s what I did yesterday:

1)

I got up out of bed (I would have sprung up out of bed but that particular spring is on the fritz.)   Stumbled to the three C’s — Coffee, Computer, and Ceyboard.  Stared out the window for a while but didn’t see any UFO’s.    Wrote a post.

2)

Took my little dog/toupee, Cha, for a walk around the neighborhood while keeping a lookout for UFO’s.  Still didn’t see any.

my dog chauncey Linda Vernon Humor

Toupee in Training

3)

Went to the Spaghetti Factory for lunch with the family. After that we went to park across the street.  Didn’t see any UFO’s there either. (I think they’re deliberately avoiding me.)

4)

Went to a couple of thrift stores.  And that’s when I spotted the  UFO!    (Not really — just trying to drum up a little excitement.  Note to self:  get new drum.)

5)

But while I was there I did come across this “Cool and Collected” magazine:

CA home + design Magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor

It’s so cool and collected it doesn’t feel the need to tell you what it’s about.

Let’s see if we can glean what “ca HOME +DESIGN” is about by the hints on the cover shall we? 

Let’s see . . .  maybe it’s about a man who enjoys wearing a 1945 Movie Theater Usher’s uniform while relaxing in his trendy, cement home that also doubles as a  trendy nuclear fallout shelter and/or bank vault.

And it also looks like maybe 1945 Theater Usher Man put too much honey on his toast this morning and got honey all over his fingers and then reached into his pencil box and got honey all over his pencils too –getting everything hopelessly suck together and — at that exact moment– the photographers showed up to photograph 1945 Theater Usher Man’s trendy cement home.

Naturally he had no choice but to throw the whole sticky mess on the coffee table hoping to pass them off as “art”  which the photographers obviously fell for hook, line and sinker!

ca art design magazine humorous commentary

Oh that 1945 Theater Usher Man is such a stinker! A trendy, artistic stinker, but a stinker all the same.

And by the look on 1945 Theater Usher Man’s face, you can just tell he is eagerly anticipating licking the honey off those pencils the second the photographers leave.

ca home design magazine humorous commentary

“Mmmmmmm . . . honey . . . .”

1945 Theater Usher Man is also hiding his hands behind his back either because 1) he doesn’t want anyone to notice their covered with  honey or because 2) he’s hiding the fact that he’s honey-glued himself to the wall.

ca design home magazine humorous commentary Linda Vernon Humor

“La la la la la la la . . . no, I’m not stuck to the wall, why?”

Oh that 1945 Theater Usher Man may be a stinker, but he’s nobody’s fool!

Well I’m sure there a many more fun pages to discuss in this magazine, Dear Readers, but I have to go find my camera now. . . I think I just saw a UFO outside the window. Either that or I need to wash them.  Either way I bid you adieu.

Until next time . . . I love you

Recipes for People Who Are all Dead Now

Hello Dear Readers and welcome to the first installment of:

Recipes for People Who Are All Dead Now

Knox Cookbook from 1969 Linda Vernon Humor

It wasn’t easy making Knox Gelatin. Just ask anybody who was born before 1925!  So, why not combine the newfangled invention of the television with gelatin recipes for people who are all dead now and put it into a book?  Apparently somebody at the Knox Gelatin Company didn’t realize the question was rhetorical.

Back in 1969, there were a lot of old people still alive who actually ate things like tomato aspic, jellied Gazpacho and Waldorf salad.

Unfortunately, all those people are dead now. Taking with them to the grave — every conceivable need for Knox Gelatin.

But don’t feel bad once way or the other, Dear Readers, because through the pages of this slightly bizarre Knox On-Camera Recipe Book from 1969,  we will examine in great detail (probably too much) some of the Knox Gelatin Recipes that made this country what it used to be.

Recipes that salute a quieter, gentler, jigglier time in our nation’s food history.

The Knox On-Camera Recipes book begins by educating us in the five types of gelatin.

Knox on camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor

This delightful red brick is an example of a simple gel.  Mix Knox Gelatin with your favorite liquid and lay it  atop (gently now!) a type of lettuce that is probably extinct now.  Slice a cucumber for charm and casually toss some olives (blindfolded) for that devil-may-care appeal.  The only thing left to do now is wander the streets looking for a person in the 110 year-old age group to eat it.

Knox On camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor

This is an example of a gelatin whip.  Which means after you make a brick of gelatin (see above) it is whipped (by whom and with what is omitted information — a 110-year-old with a cane, perhaps?) until light and fluffy causing it to become far more appealing than an aspic; but far less appealing than anything people who are all dead now could get at the ice cream parlor.

Knox on Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor

Here’s an example of unflavored gelatin snow.  It doesn’t look very much like snow or at least not very much like snow you would want to put in your mouth.  But nevertheless, gelatin snow it is!! This mixture is also whipped until light and fluffy and/or to teach it a good lesson whichever comes first.

Knox Gelatin On Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor

In an effort to include something actually edible into the five types of gelatin, Knox came up with Lemon Chiffon Pie.  First it’s chilled then whipped then partially chilled yadda yadda yadda, who cares anymore.

Knox on Camera Recipes Linda Vernon Humor

Well this is a good one to end up with Mousse. (I know your name’s not Mousse, I just forgot the comma).  Mousse happens when a solid ingredient is added into a not-so-solid ingredient either on purpose or by mistake.  This was a favorite of people who are all dead now because there’s no whipping involved which means Gramps didn’t have to get out his cane, yet again!

And there you have it, Dear Readers, our first foray into preparing recipes for people who are all dead now. 

Until next time  . . . I love you

Knox on camera recipes Linda Vernon Humor

All dead now.

1967 Foods of the Cold War

Hello Dear Readers! Once again it’s time to stumble down memory lane via the pages of this vintage cookbook which was written during the height of the cold war.  (Not to be confused with the height of the cold cut.)

Linda Vernon Humor Cookbook from the Cold War

This cookbook was written during the height of the cold war.  The cold war was a war that was waged by the U.S. and the U.S.S.R.  Each side made a lot of atomic bombs and then pretended they were going to blow each other up.  Spies figured prominently in the cold war.  Their jobs were to wonder around the world with tiny cameras taking pictures of people who didn’t know they were getting their pictures taken to find out who was going to threaten whom next.  Everybody was sad when the cold war ended because movies about spies got a lot suckier after that.

Below is a dish that  is innocently called Cucumber Tongue Pie; but if you were a cold war spy, and you were served this dish, you’d know right away the server was actually saying:

Ve Have Vays of Making You Talk Casserole!

cucumber tongue pie funny food Linda Vernon Humor

“. . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . but . . . “

I know it seems cruel and inhumane from today’s standpoint, but during the cold war, both sides actually practiced this horrendous casserole form of torture.  Spies had to spill the beans or eat the entire stomach-turning entree.  Did this form of torture work?  Well, let’s just say not a single bean went unspilled.

Next we have a dish you’re sure to get a bang out of.  It’s called jeweled chicken to us laymen.  But any spy worth his weight in invisible ink during the cold war would have known immediately upon being served this dish that his days were numbered (maybe even his minutes) because in the spy world, this dish was really called:

Which Spy Will Die Russian Roulette Fry

Secret Spy Recipes from 1967 Linda Vernon Humor

Round and round and round she goes and where she stops nobody knows!

No other dish could make the cold war spy’s blood run cold faster than a platter of “Which Spy Will Die Russian Roulette Fry.”  This entree would be placed in the middle of the banquet table and then given a good spin by either John F. Kennedy or Nikita Khrushchev and whomever had a chicken leg pointing at them when it stopped spinning would be eliminated poi-manently!

And, finally, Dear Readers, the following dish was the dish to end all dishes, and had  world leaders shaking in their cold war boots — praying that it would never be served. Civilians such as you and I would have known this dish simply by it’s innocent name, Chicken-in-Omelet Pinwheel. But to the cold war powers that be it could mean only one thing:

The Mushroom Cloud Duck and Cover Roll

The mushroom duck and cover roll Linda Vernon Humor

“OMG! Noooo! Please tell us those aren’t six mushroom clouds signaling the annihilation of all six continents (if you count north and south America as one continent) with California breaking off into the sea?”
“Yes it does signal exactly that!”
“We told you not to tell us that.”
“Sorry we couldn’t help ourselves because we hate the United States of America!”
“Who cares, we hate the Soviet Union more!”

We can only breath a sigh of relief, Dear Readers, that such a dish was never served to the Cold War Players.  Not only would it have meant the end of the world as they knew it, it would have also meant that somebody might have had to actually take a bite out of it.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a little stumble back in time via vintage cookbooks of yore.

Until next time . . . I love you

Let’s Take Hump Day Off to Browse Through Old Magazines

Hello Dear Readers.  Today is hump day.  Don’t you hate the word hump day? It’s just ugly and stupid.  I’m never going to use it again.  Okay just one more time, hump day.  Okay, that’s it.  It will never appear here again.

So in honor of the most notoriously ho-hum day of the week, (you-know-what day), I will not be using any exclamation points in today’s post.  In fact, I won’t be writing anything at all.  I’m just going to take the day off to thumb though this 1975 Better Homes and Gardens.  Grab your coffee and join me, won’t you?

Woman sewing together a rug

Back in 1975, when there wasn’t much to do, women could often be found sitting on the floor sewing carpet pieces together.  Of course, this was before Women’s Lib really took hold.  After that, women gave up sewing carpets pieces together at  home, and went and got careers at carpet factories where they got paid $1.60 an hour to sew carpet pieces together for other women who didn’t know about women’s lib yet..

Here’s something not very interesting

Peter Ustinov ad

Here’s Peter Ustinov.  In 1975, Peter Ustinov was a Public Personality which is how they referred to what we call celebrities today.   Public Personalities were semi-well-known for a couple of parts in big movies but spent the majority of their careers appearing on talk shows or game shows or hawking Ernest and Julio wine in national magazines.  Peter Ustinov also wrote his memoirs which I actually remember reading — which should tell you how boring my life was in 1975.

Don’t feel bad if you only look 35, our product can make you look 70!

Silk & Silver turns gray to great

“Hey I’ve got a great idea, JB. You know how women are always dyeing their hair to get rid of gray?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we’ll do the ol’ switcheroo and make a product that will turn their regular color hair gray!”

“But women who have natural blonde hair will never buy it.

“Oh yes they will because from now on we’ll say their blonde hair is just an unwanted yellow tinge, and that they need to get rid of it by dying it gray.
“You mean take a group of women who have natural blonde hair, have them dye it gray thus making them look like fabulous 70-year-old grandmothers instead of what they really are which is 35-year-old models?”
“Yes that’s it exactly!
“Let’s do it!”

Hey here’s an ad about losing weight with Ayds

1975 Weight loss ad

In 1975, a woman was supposed to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and still look sexy for her man!  (Nobody knew what the men were supposed to be doing.)  Enter Shirley Badders.   Even though Shirley gave birth to five children, her biggest accomplishment was losing the 63 pounds she put on in the process.  And now look at her!  The ad boasts that she’s not only poised and clothes conscious, she’s even articulate! (Apparently her tongue isn’t as chubby).  Let’s face it, aside from sporting the ugliest leotard  ever conceived, Shirley’s a knockout!  And how did she do it?  She got Ayds.  No not the sickness with an “i” but  the candy, with a “y”.   My oh my, how the world has changed since 1975.

People in 1975 laughed easier than they do now

I laughed when they set down the bowl

Back in 1975, people laughed a lot easier than they do now. Take this hysterical dog owner. Oh. she just knew her dog wasn’t going to like new, improved Gainsburgers. Why? Because she’s been eating a steady diet of old, unimproved Gainsburgers since they came on the market, and her dog wouldn’t even eat the scraps leftover from the Gainsburgers she prepared for herself — and she added cheese! So you can see how the joke was on her! P.S. Don’t you think she’d look a lot better if she dyed her hair gray? But then again she’s probably eating Gainsburgers in heaven by now, so I guess it’s a moot point.

There now.  Well that was a fun day off.  Maybe we’ll have to flip through old magazines again next week on Harrumph Day . . . 

Until next time . . . I love you

Score One for Massaged Gums!

Hello Dear Readers!  I am delighted to report that  the other day, while I was milling around the thrift store, I came across this wonderful 1943 ad for Ipana Tooth Paste.   

It was so endearing, so inspiring, so downright uplifting that I just had share it with you! 

Traction Splint 1943

It seems feisty, first-aid, heroine, Kay Hunt was feeling pretty darn good about herself with her ability to whip up a traction splint as easily as she whipped up that batch of fudge last night –  just as she did every night . . . all alone . . .  with no one to talk to but her radio.

But in some sort of weird world war II gratitude, Kay Hunts’ traction-splint victim pointed out that she noticed — while Kay Hunt was taking two and a half hours to figure out how to tie a traction splint — that Kay Hunt didn’t brush her teeth  before leaving the house.

She even went so far as to tell Kay Hunt her dingy smile and pink toothbrush are the reason Kay Hunt couldn’t get a date — even though Kay has a perfect figure and looks like a movie star (but of course she didn’t say that last part out loud.)

Now instead of getting mad and wrapping that traction splint around her victim’s catty little neck, our once feisty first-aid,  heroine, Kay Hunt, became  instantly inconsolable.

Luckily, Kate’s friend who was wearing a military uniform — thus making her superior in intelligence, common sense, and personal hygiene — attempted to comfort Kay Hunt by pouring large quantities of salt in her wound and agreeing that Kay really did need to brush her teeth at least as good as  grade school children do and that nowadays the foods you eat won’t brush your teeth for you, which apparently used to be the case  prior to World War II.

Enter Creepy Dentist and Ipana Toothpaste

Kay Hunt star of 1943 toothpast Ad

So the next day our heroine Kay Hunt went to visit her oddly, creepy dentist who stood in such a way as to keep his distance from Kay lest he get a whiff of the air emanating from Kay’s . . . how to put this . . .  dingy smile.

He explained to Kay (from across the room) that in order to get a date Kay will have to massage her gums with Ipana Toothpaste in order to stimulate them!  Who knew? (Certainly not Kay!)

And boy did Kay feel sheepish having to be told this by her creepy dentist!  But sure enough Kay went right home and massaged her gums ad nuaseum!

The next thing you know,  our feisty, first-aid heroine, Kay Hunt’s gums were so very, very massaged that she became a huge hit with the all branches of the armed services.

“I can thank this new-found smile of mine for winning me a military escort and a naval convoy!”  gushed our feisty, first-aid heroine, Kay Hunt.

And that, Dear Readers is  how our feisty, first-aid, world war II heroine, Kay Hunt, became a very, very busy girl for the rest of World War II.

Until next time . . . I love you

Album Covers from the Past

Hello Dear Readers!  I thought it would be fun for us to take a nostalgic look back at a more simple time courtesy of Album Covers from the Past!

Remember Tammy Faye Bakker?

Tammy Faye Bakker If it had not been

We will always remember our beloved Tammy Faye Bakker, the face that launched a thousand gallons of Cover Girl

Besides her penchant for industrial strength makeup, she also had an industrial strength love for the Lord.

Back in 1980, Tammy Faye was married to Jim Bakker, a once popular televangelist who was catapulted from grace when he got caught dating prostitutes and borrowing several million dollars from the church collection plate and accidentally forgetting to pay it back — resulting in an extended stay at Motel Prison.

Let’s run over to Google and type in Tammy Faye Bakker Quotes just to see what comes up, shall we?  Oh here’s some good ones:

“You can educate yourself right out of a relationship with god.” 

“I wake up every morning and wish I was dead and so does Jim.”

It seems Tammy Faye Bakker’s fondest wish to become dead finally came true on July 20, 2007 when she succumbed to lip-liner poisoning.  (Her husband is still alive but is expected to die at some point in the future, God willing!)

Now here’s three jolly souls who are absolutely determined to squeeze every quark of joy there is to be squeezed from the Greek cobblestones of life itself!  

Syrtaki 1 Instrumental

The back of this album cover tells us:

Syrtaki touches everybody’s heart because from the melancholy evolves the joy and from the desperation comes the rapture of this man, who suddenly jumps to his feet.”  

Well, apparently in Greece there’s nothing like melancholy and desperation to  make a man don a sash,  jump to his feet and Dance! Dance! Dance!   OMICRON PI ALPHA!!

 

Here’s a colorful 1973 album of Mexican Folklore that sings and dances its way through  every Mexican historical event since creation.  

Ballet Folk Lore of Mexico

Ballet Folklorico De Mexico loosely translated means Ballet of Mexican Folklore. Tightly translated it means BalletFolkloricoDeMexico

Your feet will be tap tap tappin’ when you hear the musical interpretations of that pesky plumed serpent Quetzacoatl as he steals  bones from the underworld to create a little thing he likes to call mankind ha ha — to  the Mexican Revolution of 1910 (wa wa waaaa) and every single thing that happened in Mexico in between!

Mexican FolK Dancers

And one and two and three and four . . . Quetzalcoatl stole some bones to create us, doo dah doo dah . . .The revolution of 1910 was not much fun . . . all the doo dah day!

And there you have it, Dear Readers, a nostalgic look back at a more simply time courtesy of Album Covers from the Past!

Until next time . . . I love you

Your 1977 Guide to Over-Handling Food

Hello Dear Readers!  I thought it might be fun to take a look at the way food was prepared back in 1977, a year where absolutely nothing happened and there wasn’t anything to do but play around with  food.

Join me now, won’t you?  As we infiltrate the space/time continuum by whizzing back to 1977 via the pages of McCall’s Cook School!

It's not just a magazine it's a school!

It’s not just a magazine it’s a school for cooking!

First up is this delightful Golden Seafood Platter:

Great pains have been taken to arrange this seafood platter in a delectable manner.

Could it be arranged in a more delectable manner?

To the untrained eye, this seafood platter might appear unimaginative, but to McCall’s cooking school graduates this is a study of  perpendicular proportions!

For you see, each piece of fish has been magnetically lined up with true north using a cooking compass/thermometer.  And each shrimp has been carefully hand-placed to align with Orion’s Belt after Orion had to let it out a couple notches due to eating too much seafood.

Then there’s this well-groomed platter of chicken and potatoes!

Counter clockwise never looked to delicious!

Counter clockwise never looked so delicious!

To get this random look just right, McCall’s Cooking School dictates that one must first arrange the chicken in a counter-clockwise direction and then walk across the room and toss the potatoes onto the plate one at a time which is the secret to giving any dish that coveted un-fussed with appeal that McCall’s Cooking School is trying their darnedest to get the hang of.

Blanquette De Veau and You!

Think in terms of French Navy when arranging this dish.

Think in terms of French Navy when arranging this dish.

Leave it to McCall’s Cooking School to find an educational way to bring together the French Navy, The Middle Ages and veal!  As you can see, the miniature carrots have been arranged in the exact formation as the cannons on French war ships during the battle of   . . . everybody say it together — The Siege of La Rochelle!

As you can also see, the mushrooms have been mathematically placed exactly where they would have landed had they actually been shot out of the carrot cannons –which could account for why the French lost the battle of –everybody say it together — The Siege of La Rochelle!

McCall’s Cooking School Says this is the Standard Dish That Belongs in Every Good Cook’s Repertoire

Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation

Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation

If there’s one thing McCall’s Cooking School is big on it’s that it doesn’t really matter how food actually tastes as much as it does how well food stays together without getting out the glue gun.

In that vein,  they present to us their PhD of food arrangement:   Chicken Leg Parsley Exultation de Biscuit. Because in the year 1977,  if a dish wasn’t a shrine to something; it really wasn’t anything at all.

And there you have it Dear Reader!  Thank you for agreeing to  infiltrate the space/time continuum by whizzing back to 1977 via the pages of McCall’s Cook School!  It probably wouldn’t hurt to go comb your hair a little bit.

Until next time. . . I love you

Limericks Based on Ads from 1953

Hello Dear Readers!  Well another week has rolled more or less away, and as we slide into Friday on this last day of November, we have to ask ourselves what was going on with ads from 1953?  (See how I did that great segue way?  Who says things don’t get done right on Friday.)

Here are some ads from a magazine called Better Living from 1953 that for some reason, my brain, Peanuts, insisted on boiling down into limericks.

img584

There once was a product named Kleenex

That met you half-way when you sneezed next

Little LuLu and Godfrey

Got paid by the wad, see?

To get Father some money for Xanax.

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When poor fifties Mom must relax

After featherdust-wacking does tax

She chews Beechnut Gum

But it makes her feel glum

What she needed was Father’s Xan-ax!

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There once was a little food dude

Who claimed Wilson’s B-V was a food

It subtracted from rents

Just one point five cents

But to like it, you had to be stewed.

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There once was a man who wore lipstick

People thought him the consummate dipstick

He drank coffee that sounded

Like a law firm compounded

So his wife mixed his cream with some arsenic 

And there you have it, Dear Reader, the first installment and quite possibly the last installment of Limericks Base on Ads from 1953.

Until next time . . . I love you

More 1967 Italy Food Recipes from Ruth Conrad Bateman

This 1967 recipe booklet features recipes by Italy Expert, Ruth Conrad Bateman.

Dear Readers. Back in 1967, the reigning queen when it came to Italy Food was this woman.

Ruth loves to cook Italy food but don’t bother Ruth when she is cooking Italy food or talking about cooking Italy food. Can’t you see she’s trying to concentrate?  Ruth is an expert on Italy food. Ruth looked Italy up in a World Atlas. Did you know Italy is shaped like a boot? Ha! Ruth Conrad Bateman didn’t think so.

Now this isn’t the first time this blog has fallen all over itself pointing out the Italy food cooking expertise of Ruth Conrad Bateman, but, obviously,  this blog just can’t get enough of Ruth Conrad Bateman! And who could?

Let’s look a little closer at Ruth’s deep understanding of a country you may or may not have heard of before called Italy.  Here is just a smattering of Ruth Conrad Bateman’s Italy food wisdom. Ruth says:

Good advice, Ruth Conrad Bateman.  So allow this blog to summarize Ruth’s wonderful advice, if it may be so bold:

  • When Italy people get sauced, they want more pasta than sauce, and they like their pasta dressed in butter and cheese.
  • When American people get sauced, they want more sauce than pasta and they don’t care what it’s wearing.

Next here’s Ruth Conrad Bateman’s explanation for how Italy people cook eggplant the Italy way like Italy people do.

Good advice again, Ruth Conrad Bateman! (How does she do it?)  So allow this blog to summarize Ruth’s wonderful advice for broiling  Italy Egg Plant, the Italy way, if it may be so bold:

  • Broil some eggplant

And finally, Ruth Conrad Bateman sets us straight about Italy Meat Sauce Bolognese:

Ruth Conrad Bateman says this Italy sauce is for cannelloni, spaghetti and other pasta. What other pasta?  Ruth Conrad Bateman says if she is granted an audience with the pope who actually lives in Italy and if he gives her a special dispensation to disclose the other pasta  . . then maybe she’ll tell us what it is but don’t  get your hopes up because Ruth Conrad Bateman is kind of a little brat especially about Italy stuff.

Ruth tells us that this recipe for Meat Sauce Bolognese is made of Italy Bologna in the town of Bologna which is the Eating Capital of Italy. This blog doesn’t even have to look at Ruth Bateman’s recipe for Meat Sauce Bolognese in order to summarize it:

  • Even though this Italy recipe is full of Italy balogna
  • It will never be as full of Italy balogna as the weird and wonderful Italy Food Expert Ruth Conrad Bateman!

Uh oh . . . is it this blog’s imagination or is Ruth Conrad Bateman giving us the  Italy evil eye?

Is this the Italy Evil Eye of Ruth Conrad Bateman?

Uh . . . this might be a good time to bid you Salve! Dear Readers — which is Italy talk for “bye”.

Now  . . slowly . . . very slowly . . . let’s just . . . back out . . .  of . . . the . . . . room . . . shh . . .

Until next time . . . I love you.

How to Calm Your Nerves and Relax

Dear Readers!  As Lucy Ricardo might ask, “Are you tired, run down, listless?  Do you poop out at parties?  Are you unpopular?  The answer to all your problems is in this little bottle book that I just happened find while rummaging around in my favorite thrift store:

For faster results, read while drinking one bottle of vitameatavegamin

This little volume was edited by the staff of Journal of Living in 1952 about the same time that Lucy  Ricardo was pitching for Vitameatavegamin.  Let’s take a look inside to see what 1950′s wisdom awaits us, shall we?

In chapter one, writer, Betty Pratt, tells us about her visit to  Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class!

Obviously, brave writer, Betty Pratt had no idea she was taking her life into her own hands by entering into the fray of Dr. Rathbone’s Scientific Relaxation Class.  All this tautness relieving in the form of face screwing and arm swinging was probably downright dangerous!

Next, Dr. Rathbone relayed to Betty Pratt his rules for sleeping.

Dr. Rathbone told Betty Pratt he would like people to start getting ready for bed right after breakfast, but if that is not possible then somewhere in the  neighborhood of 10:00 a.m. should give the sleeper plenty of time to leisurely prepare for going to bed, Dr. Rathbone stated after looking at his watch and noting the time to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 10:00 a.m.

Dr. Rathbone could not stress enough to writer, Betty Pratt, what a big mistake tearing off one’s clothes is under most circumstances.  If, however, a person happened to be a romance writer doing research then it would be considered a perfectly reasonable approach. He then asked Betty Pratt if she was planning to write a romance novel any time soon to which Betty Pratt responded by soundly slapping Dr. Rathbone’s face .

Dr. Rathbone responded to Writer Betty Pratt’s slap to his face with the following bit of advice:

Shortly after this Betty Pratt’s husband, Brawny Pratt, showed up to calm and relax Dr. Rathbone’s nerves by physically persuading him into a coma.

Which is really is the most effective way to calm one’s nerves and relax.

And don’t worry.  All Dr. Rathbone needed was a couple of bottles of Vitameatavegamin and he was  back to his old self in no time.  Attempting to scientifically calm and relax women’s people’s nerves day in and day out!

Until next time . . . I love you