Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of The Bible According to Gregory.
Gregory goes to Sunday school every week, but Gregory never listens and comes home with his own version of the story.
Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday School this week shall we?
Jesus has a Little Trouble in Nazareth
One day, Jesus decided to go back to his old Alma mater, Nazareth, and give everybody a little heads up on what he had been doing since he left town. By now, Jesus was pretty successful. He had 12 followers which would translate into millions of followers by today’s standards.
Anyway, Jesus decided he’d go to the Nazareth synagogue. Jesus chose the synagogue because it was the sabbath and the synagogue was the only place that was open, scholars are quick to tell us (the dumb ones anyway).
When Jesus appeared at the synagogue, all the Nazarenes there were amazed when they saw Jesus. Someone handed Jesus a scroll which He read and then Jesus said, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”
Everyone was super-impressed at the gracious words that came from Jesus’s lips. And of course no one was surprised to see how good looking Jesus had turned out to be since no one could ever remember Jesus going through an awkward stage.
When Jesus was done reading the scroll the conversation with the congregation probably went something unlike this:
Jesus: Surely you will quote this proverb to me ‘Physician heal, yourself!’ And you will tell me, “do here in your hometown what we have heard you did in Capernaum.”
Random Nazarene Guy: Oh no Jesus, we weren’t going to tell you that. We all know what happens in Capernaum stays in Capernaum.
Jesus: Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in his hometown!”
Nazarene Man: Yes, but technically you were born in Bethlehem so–
Jesus: I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land.
Random Nazarene Guy: Uh . . . I think I might have missed the first half of this conversation . . . .
Jesus: Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them but to a widow in Zarepath in the region of Sidon.
Random Nazarene Guy: Sidon, okay got it.
Jesus: And there were many in Israel with Leprosy in the time of Elijah the profit.
Random Nazarene Guy: Oh yeah I think I remember reading something about that in the news. No wait . . . what am I saying! I keep forgetting I can’t read. Ha ha!
Jesus: Yet not one of them was cleansed — only Naaman the Syrian.
Random Nazarene Guy: Well that would certainly explain why his face was on the cover of everything there for awhile.
After that, everybody in the synagogue suddenly became really furious that Naaman the Syrian was the only person who was cleansed of leprosy — which caused everybody in Nazareth to drive Jesus out of town to the brow of the city where they were going to throw him off the cliff.
But Jesus walked right through the crowd and went on his way and also told his disciples to scratch Nazareth off His bucket list of places to visit.
Well there you have it, Dear Readers, what Gregory learned in Sunday School this week. Please pop in next week to see what Gregory will learn next!
Until next time . . . I love you