Tag Archives: humourous flash fiction

Trifecta Writing Challenge: An Emergency for Dr. Bland

The Weekly Trifecta Writing Challenge:

In 33 to 333 write a response using the word:

survive  3: to continue to function or prosper despite : withstand <they survived many hardships>

An Emergency for Dr. Bland

Dundy Milkweed sat in her usual spot in the waiting room of Dr. Bland’s veterinary office gently rocking her kitty, Rosemary Irene, and staring beseechingly at the front desk girl, Brandy.  Brandy, on the other hand, was making it her sole purpose in life to be too busy to acknowledge Dundy Milkweed’s pitiful countenance.

“Excuse me, Brandy,” Dundy finally said, “But I’ve been waiting thirty minutes now and this is an emergency!  I don’t know how much longer my poor Rosemary Irene is going to be able to stand the pain.”

“And what pain is that Mrs. Milkweed?” Brandy stifled a yawn.

“What pain is that? I can’t believe you’re asking me that!  I told you over the phone that my Rosemary Irene has a migraine headache and suffers from sharp shooting pains in her back! She needs to see Dr. Bland ASAP!”

“Brandy wheeled her desk chair over to the counter and raised her reading glasses.  “Well, she looks okay to me.” Brandy declared.

“Oh sure she’ll survive.  She’s a trooper my Rosemary Irene is!”  Dundy Milkweed held Rosemary Irene up so that her feline legs dangled limply. “But I don’t think she has any feeling in her paws anymore.”

Just then Dr. Bland opened the door to the waiting room.  He had donut crumbs and chocolate sprinkles in his beard.  “Hello Mrs. Milkweed.  I can see Rosemary Irene now.”

Dundy Milkweed walked over to Dr. Bland and gently handed him her kitty.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Milkweed, I’ll fix her up like new.”

“Thank you Dr. Bland, I don’t know what we would do without you!”  Dundy wiped a tear from the corner of her eye before she left.

“Rosemary Irene could use a run through the washing machine.” Brandy observed.

“Oh I don’t think she could withstand that,” Dr. Brandy said.  “The stuffings would come out for sure.  I’ll just set Rosemary Irene on the shelf like I always do.”

“Donut, Brandy?”

“Yes, thanks!”

Dr. Bland and Brandy chuckled between bites.

a grey tabby stuffed cat linda vernon humor

“uh oh … I don’t think I can feel my paws anymore!  Well wait a minute . . . I guess I never could.”

Until next time . . . I love you

Fish it from the Archives Friday: I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head

Hello Dear Readers and welcome to Friday!  I had a dream last night about the invention of shark bait that resembled little businessmen with feathers for hair.

Businessman Shark Bait that Peanuts Dreamed

I think that my brain, Peanuts, was trying to tell me that it’s time for Fish It from the Archives Friday!

And so I stuck my little businessman bait on a hook and lowered him into the old post bucket and wouldn’t you know he came came up with a post inspired by another line Peanuts dreamed which was:

“I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head”

“I was a cow in Chuck’s head,” is the line my brain, Peanuts, delivered to me this morning just as I was waking up.  Of course, there was no story attached to it.

It was simply a tagline drifting around the tar and driftwood that masquerades as my subconscious mind.

I stayed in bed with my eyes shut pretending to be asleep for the longest time so that Peanuts would dictate the rest of the story to me, but I think Peanuts needs to take a writing class or something because there was nothing more forthcoming.

So it looks like once again, Dear Reader, my brain, Peanuts, has left me holding the bag when it comes to thinking up some sort of scenarios for this title so here goes:

“I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head.”   The Modern Romance

Betty Matilda McFlirp stuck her head out of the plastic enclosure of the bus stop in the pouring rain and looked up the street with her beautiful, brown, bovine-ian eyes imploring the bus to come quickly with every fiber of her being.

For if it didn’t come soon, her white hair was going to frizz up something awful causing her to look more sheep-like than cow-like – which was bound to change her relationship with Chuck profoundly. Because Betty Matilda McFlirp was a cow in Chuck’s head.

“I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head.” The Science Fiction Story

Chuck, a Chucktilian from the planet Chucky — located three-hundred light years to the left of  the Charles Constellation, just happened to land his  alien craft at the bus stop at which it just so happened Betty Matilda McFlirp was sticking her head out of at the time.

Their eyes met and it was love at first, second and third sight, what with Chuck having the three eyes and all.  Chuck’s mission was clear, he had to take Betty Matilda McFlirp back to planet Chucktilian or his passion for her would drive him mad.

A plan was quickly formed in which Chuck would first turn Betty into a cow and then convert her atoms into a thought form and store her in his head for the return trip.

And that’s how Betty Matilda McFlirp became a cow in Chuck’s head.

“I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head.” The Pre-twentieth Century British Romance

Sir Chuck, the Earl of Salisburychuckroast, partitioned his father, the Duke of Noteggsandhamagain if he might marry his childhood sweetheart, Bessie and pointed into the pasture where Bessie, the cow, was busy chewing and digesting her cud in that adorable way she had.

As luck would have it, Lady Betty Matilda McFlirp just happened to be sticking her head out from beneath the thatched roof of the carriage stop by which Bessie was standing.

Thinking that Sir Chuck was pointing to Lady Betty, the Duke of Noteggsandhamagain was overjoyed that his son wanted to marry a girl instead of a cow (which is what all his previous girlfriends had been) and gave his permission for them to marry immediately.

Years later, Lady Betty Matilda Mcflirp would go on to pen her memoirs entitled: I Was a Cow in Chuck’s Head.

And there you have it Dear Readers.  Frankly, I think I have managed to come up with some plausible stories for Peanuts crazy babbling — at least this time anyway!

Until next time . . . I love you